Hoo, Boy
by Dautr abr du Sundavar
Summary: Fan fiction TENNIS! A collaboration between myself and Articwolfstudios. The partial casts of the series meet, and it gets a little crazy. Well, no DUH. Then you add authors about whom the Inheritance peeps still have nightmares...Hoo, boy.
1. Hoo, Boy

**A/N: Just a warning before we begin: This WILL get weird.**

**Disclaimer: I am neither Christopher Paolini nor John Flanagan, who are the owners of the Inheritance Cycle and Ranger's Apprentice, respectively. Just sayin'.

* * *

**

_The Setting: A sunny clearing in a forest on a summer's day. Birds are singing, the sky is blue, yada yada. Enter _characters_ from opposite ends of the clearing._

Will: _[yelps and ducks behind Halt]_ Who are you?

Halt: Will, stop hiding.

Will: _[sheepishly comes out from behind Halt's cloak]_

Eragon: I assume you are speaking to us?

Will: _[nods]_

Eragon: Well, I'm Eragon. And this _[points to each person as he names them]_ is Arya Dröttningu, Oromis-elda, Islanzadí Dröttning, Murtagh Morzansson, and Angela.

Arya: _[nods regally]_

Oromis: _[touches his first two fingers to his lips]_

Islanzadí: _[regards everyone coolly]_

Murtagh: _[just plain nods]_

Angela: _[smiles and waves hello]_

Eragon: Now, if I may ask, who are you?

Halt: _[looks at Will like, "Dude, this is your problem, not mine"]_

Will: _[turns his puppy-dog eyes on Halt]_

Halt: _[rolls his non-puppy-dog eyes and faces Eragon] _I'm Halt _[jerks thumb at himself] _and this _[indicates everyone as he mentions them]_ is Will Treaty, Horace Altman, Alyss Mainwaring, Gilan, and Crowley.

Will: _[smiles embarrassedly]_

Horace: _[nods a warrior's greeting]_

Alyss: _[smiles and doesn't wave]_

Gilan: _[smiles and does wave]_

Crowley: _[tugs the cowl of his cloak like the brim of a cowboy hat]_

Everyone: _[is awkwardly silent]_

Cricket: _[chirps]_

Halt: _[glares in general direction of cricket]_

Cricket: _[shuts up]_

Angela: So...Why are we here?

Eragon: Wait..._[eyes widen]_ You don't think...

Murtagh: _[closes eyes]_ I do think...

Crowley: Would you mind, please, explaining what exactly it is that you're either thinking or not thinking?

Murtagh: _[whispering, almost as a curse]_ FantasyNerd101

Crowley: _[scratches head]_ Umm...who?

Dautr abr du Sundavar: _[falls from above right between the two groups]_ Me. Kinda.

Everyone: _[jumps]_

Gilan: Who are you?

Murtagh: _[at same time as Gilan speaks]_ What do you want?

Angela: _[at same time as Gilan and Murtagh]_ What do you mean, kinda?

Dautr abr du Sundavar: _[grinning]_ Gilan first. I'm Dautr abr du Sundavar. Murtagh, I want what I always seem to want when you see me. Angela, I mean kinda as in, I changed my name. I'm Dautr abr du Sundavar now, which is much more of a pain to write. _[glances around at everyone]_ Now, any more questions?

Eragon: _[mutters]_ Daughter of the Shadows, my foot.

_[Horace, Murtagh, Angela, and Islanzadí raise their hands]_

Dautr abr du Sundavar (or, as she shall be henceforth known, Sunda): _[points]_ Horace.

Horace: How did you do that?

Sunda: Do what?

Horace: _[gestures upward]_ Fall from the sky.

Sunda: Oh. Magic. _[as if it is as obvious as the Rangers' quivers]_

Horace: Magic?

Sunda: Yup. Murtagh?

Horace: _[looks confused, but remains silent]_

Murtagh: What do you mean, you "want what you always seem to want when we see you"?

Sunda: _[grins evilly]_ I mean I want to _torture_ you, Murty.

Murtagh: Don't call me that. Why do you want to torture us?

Sunda: _[evil grin widens]_ Because I'm _crazy_ and _evil_, Murty.

Murtagh (or, as he shall henceforth be known, Murty): Don't call me that!

Sunda: Okay, Murty. Angela?

Angela: _[cutting off an irate Murty]_ Two questions, actually.

Sunda: Okay. Your first one?

Angela: Why did you change your name?

Sunda: _[opens mouth, closes it, opens it again]_ Cause I felt like it, I guess. I don't really remember. And your other question?

Angela: Are we here by the power of your mighty M&M pen again?

Sunda: No. You're here by the mighty power of my computer keyboard. Islanzadí?

Angela: _[looks thoroughly not-helped, but stays quiet]_

Islanzadí: _[glares at Sunda]_

Sunda: _[rolls eyes]_ Your majesty?

Islanzadí: Release us.

Sunda: _[blinks]_ Um...excuse me?

Islanzadí: You heard me.

Sunda: Um...I hate to tell you this, Izzy, but...

Islanzadí (or, as she shall now be know, Izzy): _[glares at Sunda even harder]_

Sunda: _[ignores Izzy]_ I'm not holding you here.

Alyss: What do you mean by that?

Sunda: I mean exactly what I said. I'm not holding you here. And I'm not entirely sure how to release you.

Murty: _[eyeballs bug out of his head]_ So you mean we're stuck here?

Sunda: _[nods]_ Uh-huh.

Murty: _[eyeballs fall onto the ground] _With you?

Sunda: Yup.

Murty: _[passes out]_

Halt: _[raises an eyebrow]_ Well, this isn't good.

Crowley: Thank you, Ranger Obvious.

Halt: _[glares at Crowley]_

Arya: I believe the shaggy human is correct.

Halt: Hey!

Arya: _[ignores Halt]_ We must find a way out of here. Oromis-elda, do you have any ideas?

Everyone but Murty (who is still unconscious): _[leans in closer as Oromis ponders the question sagely]_

Oromis: _[ponders the question sagely]_

Fly: _[buzzes]_

Izzy: _[glares in general direction of fly]_

Fly: _[stops buzzing]_

Oromis: _[looks at everyone]_ Nope.

Sunda: Toldja so.

Everyone but Oromis and Murty-who-is-still-unconscious: _[leaps on Sunda in a mass attack]

* * *

_

**A/N: Tee hee! Toldja it was gonna get weird.**


	2. That Darn Wagon show!

You're in trouble now!

Disclaimers: I do not own The Inheritance Cycle, The Ranger's Apprentice books or the brief reference to He-Man - (I did it because I hate the show SO MUCH!) - If I did what would be the point of writing fan fictions?

_The Fight: _A storm of epicness piled into Sunda in the hope that by means of her death they would be set free. With the might of her keyboard she managed to hold them at bay for a short time but soon the number game caught up on her.

Wolf: Wow. That has got to be one of the most epic scenes ever _[he picks up a piece of paper and ticks off a 'to do list' entry]_ the view from up here is really good! - I wonder if I can get phone signal up here? - Sunda is doing a pretty good job of jabbing Arya in the eye with Halt's Saxe Knife! _[Yes I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza. Extra crispy.] _Ah nice! Eragon accidentally impaled the unconscious body of Murtagh with his sword.

_[He then looks at the rating.] _

Ah darn it. Better put a stop to this...

_[Wolfy walks down the hill and stands next to the ongoing battle]_

Wolf: Eh hem. I think I can explain to you how you can get out of here.

[Immediately the fighting stopped and somehow all the injuries disappeared]

Arya: HOW! Tell m- Ah fooey.

Inheritance: Oh dear Gods (and non-existent Gods).

Eragon: IT'S HIM! Oh sweet baloney it's him!

Horace: MAGIC DOESN'T EXIST!

Murty (Now fully conscious): YES IT DOES!

_[Horace jumps at Murty and they disappear into a cloud of smoke that clenched fists and boots kept flying out at improbable angles. The cloud of dust moves away from the group and off into the distance.]_

Wolf: ...Anyways... Sunda isn't keeping you here; I invited her to do this and so BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL! I HAVE THE POWER!

_[He raises a sword into the air and electricity crackles around him. Suddenly his clothes disappeared to be replaced with tight revealing underwear.]_

Izzy: MY EYES!

Alyss: MY SOPHISTICATED DISGUST TO MOST THINGS!

Oromis: My innocence!

_[Everyone turns to look at him.]_

Oromis: Seriously? Come on, seriously? Hairless groin? No attraction to anybody? This means nothing to you?

Eragon: No way. You never hit puberty!

Oromis: What's puberty?

Eragon: _[sighs]_We're going to have to have a serious talk later.

Will: PUT IT AWAY BEFORE I SHOOT YOU FULL OF ARROWS! _[Much to everyone's surprise.]_

Crowley: What the hell happened to the 'puppy dog eyed' Will from Chapter 1?

Will: IT'S WRITEN BY A DIFFERENT AUTHOR!

_[Will starts foaming at the mouth. Alyss slowly places a plastic bag over Will's nose and mouth.]_

Alyss: Take it easy little guy...

Will: _[mumbling as he passed out]_ I'mm. Notttt. Liiiiiiiitllllleeeeee. _[He peacefully falls asleep. A nursery theme could be heard in the background.]_

Wolf: Oh, sorry about that everyone. I ate Sunda's M&M pen, I've been spurting weirdness all week.

_[He raises a hand and his usual fur returns.]_

Now, I assume you want to get THE HELL OUTTA HERE!

Sunda: No we don't.

[Everyone turns to look at her.]

Sunda: Wait you guys actually want to leave? You can do anything here!

_[She opened her mouth and spat out twelve tonnes of nut-less chocolate brownies.]_

Who wants to see me eat this really fast?

Inheritance: NO!

Ranger's Apprentice: Not really, no.

Will (waking up): I hope you CHOKE!

Alyss (placing bag over his head again): Shh, shh, sh.

_[Sunda lifts her head up and her mouth expands to the size of a dozen battle-horses. Craning her neck she enveloped the chocolate brownie stash with her mouth and swallowed it in one.]_

Sunda: _*burp*_ Oh do excuse me. _[She lifted a napkin to her mouth and started to daintily dab around the corners of her mouth.]_

Angela (staring into the half crazed eyes of Sunda): We're gunna die aren't we?

Crowley: Yes. Yes we are.

Arya: HOW DO WE GET OUT OF HERE?

Wolf: You must take part in a quest, a quest that I cannot be bothered to come up with and will leave to the attentions of Dautr abr du Sundavar.

Sunda: Yee whaa'?

Wolf: I'll give you ice cream.

Sunda: THEN I'LL DO IT!

Oromis: We are so screwed.

Halt: Hey, what the hell happened to Murty and Horace?

_[Meanwhile in the 'Crossover World's' Coldest and Highest Mountain range'!]_

Murty: Just accept it! STENR RISA! _[A massive rock rises into the air.]_

JIERDA! _[The massive rock explodes.]_

Horace: _[With an air of superiority and nose stuck in the air] _Clearly you had strings attached to it. Then some kind of explosive was used from the inside. Not the work of magic in the slightest! Case solved by Horace the Super Warrior!

Murty: AHHHHHHHHH!

A/N

Yeah, it's kind of a lazy chapter. I kept hitting writers block and kept falling off the metaphoric, non-existent, pessimistic, onerous, money grabbing, back stabbing, WIFE STEALING, DEMANDING, DISCRIMATING AND LAZY WAGON!

I hate it so much.

Also I won't be writing in script form next chapter (or the chapters that will follow) because I just can't be bothered nor can I write as well with it.

Over to you Daughter of the Shadows

Eragon: My foot.


	3. The Quest! And Other Randomness

**A/N: I'm baaaaaack...*evil grin***

**Disclaimer: You know what,I can't speak for my partner-in-crime, but I'm not going to put a disclaimer on every chapter. I (Dautr abr du Sundavar) am neither Australian nor even male. The _guy_ (read: human being with reproductive organs on the outside instead of the inside (I watch Stargate: SG-1, what can I say) – I hope. Cause otherwise that would just be weird) who owns Ranger's Apprentice is Australian. Need I say more? No? Good.**

* * *

_The Instructions: Wolf has instructed Sunda to think up a quest that will send everyone home. Meanwhile, Murty and Horace are in the Crossover World's Coldest and Highest Mountain Range fighting about the existence of magic or lack thereof._

Sunda: Shut up, Eragon.

Eragon: But there's no way you-

Sunda: DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!

Eragon: Oh, yeah? How you gonna do that, huh? I'm faster and stronger than you.

Sunda: _[scoffs]_ So? I hold the power of the magical keyboard. And I'm female. FEAR ME! _[breathes scarily through clenched teeth. Note: eyes are wide, contributing to the look of insanity]_

Eragon: _[very quietly]_ Kay...

Halt: _[whispering to Eragon]_ Smart move, boy.

Sunda: _[glares at Halt and Eragon]_ Now, since Wolf left it up to me to decide on our quest...

Oromis: Oh, boy. _[buries his face in his hands]_

Sunda: _[slaps Oromis upside the head]_ SHUT UP!

Oromis: O.O _[mimes locking his lips and throwing away the key]_

Sunda: _[growls and glares around]_ Anyone else?

_[everyone present hastily shakes their heads]_

Sunda: _[ominously]_ Good. _[suddenly becomes bright and perky]_ Now, since I get to think up the quest, we're going to...

_[everyone leans in closely – but not too close]_

Sunda: GO KILL MORGARATH!

Halt: _[hesitantly]_ Um...Sunda?

Sunda: Yes?

Halt: Um, Morgarath is kinda...already dead.

Sunda: _[scoffs]_ So? My keyboard is a necromancer. We'll raise him, let him wander around a bit, and then kill him.

Angela: Necromancer? WHERE? _I'M GONNA DIG HIS HEART OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS AND FEED IT TO THE VULTURES!_

Arya: _[soothingly]_ Now, now, calm down. _[leads the rabid Angela away]_

Sunda: _[blinks]_ Oookaaaayy...maybe necromancy isn't the way to go.

Gilan: _[drawling Draco Malfoy-style]_ Well, why don't you think of something else, then?

Sunda: _[glares at Gilan a la Severus Snape]_ I will, thank you very much. But before that happens..._[bursts into song as karaoke music plays loudly in the background]_ HEY HEY, YOU YOU, _I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!_ NO WAY, NO WAY, _I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE!_ HEY HEY, YOU YOU, _I COULD BE YOUR_-

Wolf: STOP!

_Sunda: [stops and looks at Wolf – who is hunched over with his head buried in his hands – in surprise]_ What? I like that song.

Wolf: _[goggles at Sunda]_ You _like_ that crap?

Sunda: Well, it satisfies the stupid-teen-music part of my brain.

Wolf: Ah, I see. Carry on.

Sunda: You want me to keep singing Avril Lavigne?

Wolf: NO!

Sunda: _[looks at Gilan, Eragon, and Alyss]_ Well, guys, I think it's time.

Alyss: Time for what?

Sunda: _[grins evilly]_ This. _[taps a few keys on her magic keyboard]_

Gilan: _[suddenly starts singing]_ Aloha, aloha e!

Sunda: _[also singing]_ Aloha, aloha e!

Gilan: _[still singing]_ 'Ano 'ai ke aloha e!

Sunda: _[also still singing]_ 'Ano 'ai ke aloha e!

Eragon: _[joins in singing]_ There's no place I'd rather be-

Alyss: _[joins singing]_ Than on my surfboard out at sea-

Eragon: Lingering in the ocean blue-

Alyss: And if I had one wish come true-

Eragon: I'd surf 'til the sun sets beyond the horizon.

Sunda: A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi/Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu

All singers: Flyin' by on a Hawaiian rollercoaster ride!

_[during this musical interlude, let's look in on Murty and Horace, shall we?]_

Murty: Is too!

Horace: Is not!

Murty: Is too! Jierda!

Horace: _[screams in agony and collapses]_ What the _[expletive deleted]_ did you do to my leg?

Murty: I broke it, and now I'm gonna heal it. _[kneels beside Horace]_ Waíse heill.

_[Horace's leg is completely healed]_

Horace: _[scowls]_ I didn't know you were a hypnotist.

Murty: _[blinks hard]_ What?

Horace: You hypnotized me into thinking my leg was broken. Nice trick, but you can't fool me.

Murty: _[screams in frustrated rage]_

_[after a rather impressive rendition of Jump5's "Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride" - during which Angela and Arya have returned – everyone suddenly stops singing]_

Eragon: What...the _heck_...just happened?

Will: _[grins]_ I didn't know you guys sang so well.

Gilan: I-I don't _sing_.

Oromis: _[cackles]_ Well, you just did!

Eragon and Gilan: _[faint dead away]_

Gilan: _[wakes up]_ I did not _faint_! I _passed out_...from..._manly hunger_. Yeah. _[faints again]_

Sunda: _[shakes her head]_ Dude, you've been watching too much sci-fi.

Izzy: Huh?

Wolf: Don't ask. You'll get a really long lecture/explanation on the awesomeness of science fiction that would involve a bunch of long words and generally wouldn't make a lot of sense.

Sunda: _[cocks an eyebrow]_ Aaaand...what makes you think that?

Wolf: I know you.

Sunda: _[shrugs]_ I can accept that.

Halt: Well, this is all fine and good and entertaining, but what about the quest? _[whispering to Crowley]_ You get the video?

Crowley: _[whispering to Halt]_ Yup. That is _so_ going on YouTube!

Sunda: _[ignoring the whisperings]_ For our quest, we're going to go to the bottom of the ocean and get the Talisman of Roxerness, which will send everyone back to where they're supposed to be. But first, we need to go get Murty and Horace. We'll all need to be together when the Talisman of Roxerness is activated. Mmkay?

_[everyone present nods]_

Sunda: Angela? Can you accept that?

Angela: Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

Sunda: _[raises an eyebrow, but doesn't answer]_ Okay, so...which way is the Crossover World's Coldest and Highest Mountain Range? Wolf?

Wolf: Uuuhh...

Random pizza guy: Hey, did someone order an extra-crispy pepperoni pizza?

Wolf: That's mine. _[takes and pays for pizza]_

Random pizza guy: _[disappears]_

Sunda: Oookaaayy...so where's the mountains?

Wolf: _[through a mouthful of pizza]_ I dunno.

Sunda: What do you mean...you don't know?

Wolf: Exactly what I said. Don't you speak English?

Sunda: _[buries her face in both hands and moans]_

Halt: We are so screwed.

Oromis, Izzy, and Alyss: _[faint]_

Will and Gilan: _[are still unconscious – they _really _didn't like singing...]_

Wolf: _[cracks up]_ You guys are _so_ gullible! It's over the river, through the woods, and across the Chasm of Death.

Sunda: _[head shoots up]_ You were joking?

Wolf: _[grins evilly]_ Uh-huh. You got a problem with that?

Sunda: _[through clenched teeth]_ What I have a problem with _[starts stalking toward Wolf, who backs away]_ is you pretending that our ticket out of here and away from the utter insanity is _burned_ before we even get _started_, just to tell us that the solution is hidden in a _Thanksgiving_ song and _Ice Age 3!_ _[jumps Wolf and starts beating him up]_

Wolf: Hey, hey, easy! Take a joke-OW!

Angela: You think we should stop them?

Crowley: Nah. I want to see who wins.

Halt: I've got twenty on Sunda.

_[Crowley is saved from replying by a shriek of pain from Wolf. The reason for the shriek is obvious – Sunda has one knee between Wolf's shoulder blades and is pulling his arms backward, arching his back]_

Sunda: Well?

Wolf: Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Uncle! Uncle! Sheesh, I thought you could take a joke!

Sunda: _[releases Wolf and springs to her feet]_ I can. Sometimes I just choose not to.

Wolf: _[gets up, groaning]_ Man, this hurts worse than the time you hugged me!

Halt: _[is smugly receiving money from a scowling Crowley]_ Say what?

Sunda: Don't ask. Now what we need to do is wake up Oromis, Izzy, Alyss, Will, and Gilan. Wolf, care to split?

Wolf: Sure. _[goes to wake up the guys]_

Sunda: _[dumps ice water on the girls]_

Alyss: _[sputtering]_ What the...Where did that water come from?

Sunda: From thin air. _Duh._

Alyss: O.O Huh?

Sunda: Remember the brownies?

Alyss: _[shudders]_ Yes.

Sunda: Well, there you go.

Halt: _[mucho impatiently] _Well, are we going or not?

Sunda: Patience, young Halt. Patience.

Wolf: Uh..let's just go.

Sunda: YES! To CWHACMR with us!

Pretty much everyone: Huh?

Sunda: The Crossover World's Highest And Coldest Mountain Range.

_[everyone starts off toward CWHACMR]_

_[five minutes later]_

Will: I have to pee.

_[everyone groans]_

Wolf: _[muttering]_ This is gonna be a loooong walk...

* * *

**A/N: Ta-da! Whatdja think?**

**Okay, I guess I do have some things to disclaim. I do not own the following: "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne; "Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride" by Jump5; "Over the River and Through the Woods" by...I forget, but it ain't me; Ice Age 3; and when Gilan says "I did not _faint!_ I _passed out_...from..._manly hunger_," that was taken from the show Stargate: Atlantis, which is owned by MGM.**

**And I wasn't sure how to punctuate the Hawaiian part of the song, because the line was broken into two lines, so I stuck the slash in there. Make sense?**

**Will: I reeeaally need to pee...**


	4. Don't mess with the Pickle of Pickles

**A/N **

**After a humiliating defeat at the hands of Sunda and her kneecaps I have decided to stay out of her way and lead us all to the CWHACMR so that we can find Horace and Murtagh and explore for the Talisman of Roxerness at the bottom of the ocean. I just hope that on the way to the Ocean we don't encounter Jump5; I don't think I can take another Hawaiian Roller coaster ride...**

**And no I don't plan to put disclaimers on every new chapter...**

* * *

Halt was dragging a screaming and kicking Will who was desperate to go to the toilet and was continuously soiling himself.

_Ah forget this I'll just do script..._

_[Halt was dragging a kicking and screaming Will who was desperate to go to the toilet and was continuously soiling himself.]_

Will: I NEED TO GO DO A WEE WEE!

Halt: Just what age are you anyway? At the beginning your fifteen so why are you still demanding to take a _wee wee _as you so elegantly put it?

Will: I want my mummy!

Wolf: Well she's dead. Get over it. Sunda can you relate to Will?

Sunda: _[While spiting on Will] _No, he disgusts me.

Will: My Father was a super awesome knight!

Crowley: A sergeant actually.

Will: *Snivel*

Wolf: I thought you wanted to get out of this place, even with all of its plot holes and lack of description and various copyrighted songs... But if you're happy to stay here than I'll just burn this map to the Talisman of Roxerness thus demolishing any hope that you will ever have of escaping this God-Forsaken place!

Alyss and Angela: **YOU MONSTER!**

Wolf: *clears throat and sprays breath freshener into said throat* _I knows._

Arya _[Hmm, three girls with the same first letter, there's gotta be some connection...]_: *shuddering while remembering the first chapter of Stories of Alagaesia* Please never say that again...

Izzy: How many people do you think have committed some kind of illegal act after reading this?

Crowley: What do you mean read?

Izzy: *Sighing* I don't really know what I mean anymore... ever since the accident... *sighs again* I don't even know who I am anymore.

Eragon: I never realised how insanely emo you were...

Izzy: I just need some time alone, okay?

Eragon: *while prodding her* Eeeeeeeemo.

_[Izzy sits on the floor with a blank expression as she is assailed by fingers.]_

Sunda: I place a vote for a time skip and a shot at what Murtagh and Horace are doing in the peaks of the CWHACMR as well as everyone gives me some kind of spa treatment like foot massages, pedicures, mud baths, creating saunas for my leisure, _et cetera_. All who disagree please raise your right foot (and thigh) but not your knee over your head and touching the floor on the other side of your body.

_[Everyone attempts to do this impossible feat-and fails- except for an over excited pickle.]_

Pickle: I claim foot massage!

Wolf: Hey! Captain Pickles! How you doin'?

Captain Pickles:  _[In a dreamy voice] _Like a marshmallow in a cup of Cocoa, I'm _all_ mellow...

Sunda: Ah, my arch nemesis, prepare to be devoured!

_[Sunda lunges for Captain Pickles but is no match for his legless agility.]_

Captain Pickles: Yah! Pickle blast!

_[He raised two hand and a white hole appeared in the centre. A faint murmuring could be heard from deep within...]_

Captain Pickles: Pickles of a thousand ages' technique!

_[Suddenly thousands upon thousands of pickles exploded from his compressed stubs of hands, they released at an incredible rate and with Sunda staring wide eyed at the onslaught of green pickles.]_

Pickles:,Idon'tseenocake!IfI'mfat,thenwhatthehellareyou?WhyamIjustsoawesome?WorshipWolf!..Coconut!Canyouworkoutthispuzzle?Ican'tbreathe!

Ican'tbreathe!Stopnudgingme!Noyoustopnudgingme!Picklepower!

Sunda (under the storm of pickles): Curse you Captain Pickles! Next time I will get the better of you! _[In a very old cartoon way-No! I'm not doing a He-Man thing again! Suddenly all the pickles disappeared, including the Captain of Pickles.]_

Wolf: Will we ever see the last of him?

Sunda: Not if my ego has anything to say about it...

Everyone else _[with the wide eyes]_: WHAT THE _*censored*!_

Sunda: _[Clearing throat] _None of you managed to lift your leg over your head and touching the other side without moving your knees in the allotted time, sooooo... SPA TIME!

Copyrighted collective groaners: ...

_[A montage scene is shown of all the characters slaving away giving various massages and nail treatment to The Daughter of The Shadows and herald of all chaos as well as building her a fully functional sauna.]_

Sunda _[Very contentedly]: _Oh yeah, that hits the spot,_ [as a very unhappy Halt is forced to fan her down after the sauna using a palm leaf]_ anyway, while I receive VIP treatment, why don't you folks at home take a look at what's going on between Murtagh and Horace? We'll be right here when you get back. _[She winks in a very Looney Toons-breaking the fourth wall style- way.]_

_

* * *

_Murtagh: Ok, you know what _[Panting from hyperventilation] _I can prove that magic is real, just watch. _[He raises his hand and points it at the sky.] _

Horace: What you gunna do? Summon up spirits of the mist? Ha! You can never prove magic exists because it doesn't!

Murty the Murtagh: _[Narrowing his eyes and withholding the urge to pee blood] _**BRISINGR!**

_[Horace stepped back as a raging inferno burst out of Murty's hand and blocking his eyes to dim the noise] _

Horace: _[Shouting to be heard] _**WOW! WHERE DO YOU KEEP ALL YOUR NAPALM?**

Murty: ! _[Suddenly he redirected the fire back towards the pair; it seemed as if it would incinerate them both but at the last second Murty screamed:] _ **SKÖLIR NOSU FRA BRISINGR!** _[The fire changed its direction to slide past them, not even singeing their clothes. Then Murtagh turned to Horace panting angrily.]_

So, how do you explain away that one genius?

Horace _[Looking at him with a smiling face]: _These mountain breezes sure do help fight fires!

_[Meanwhile back at Sunda's Spa.]_

Gilan: _[Shrugs in the middle of a conversation with Crowley] _All I'm sayin' is that the Bird is not that likely to be the word.

Crowley: Come on, open up to the possibilities. A lot of evidence points to the Bird being the word, very little points other-_**aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!**_

Arya: What was that?

Wolf: Well I'm no expert, but it sounds like the screams of a soul that is being subjected to unlimited stubbornness. And it's coming from the direction of the CWHACMR. That must be Murtagh and Horace!

Angela: We've wasted too much time already, we should be going now.

Wolf: Agreed, Sunda stop pampering yourself with the mini bar's snacks and get a move on.

Sunda: Can't we stay just a few more hours? Or days?

_[Everyone stares at her angrily...]_

Sunda: _[Staring dreamily] __Or millennia... or Aeons... or Eternity..._

_[__Everyone looks at each other and nods simultaneously.] _

Oromis: Pile on Sunda again!

_[Everyone piled on Sunda for the second time and then dragged her kicking and screaming to a cart where they tied her down.]_

Sunda: I'll have your heads for this! Do you hear me? Your friggen, friggen heads!

Wolf: Don't worry Sunda, I've brought you some company! _[He reached into his coat pocket and brought out the infamous pickle once more!]_

Captain Pickles: Hi Sunda! I've got lots of songs to share! Listen: _[In a terrible singing voice] _

**We're no strangers to love**  
**You know the rules and so do I**  
**A full commitment's what I'm thinking of**  
**You wouldn't get this from any other guy**

**I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling**  
**Gotta make you understand**

**Never gonna give you up**  
**Never gonna let you down**  
**Never gonna run around and desert you**  
**Never gonna make you cry**  
**Never gonna say goodbye**  
**Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!**

Sunda:  **!**

Everyone else: _[Laughing and sticking ear plugs in their ears!]_

_

* * *

_

**A/N**

**SUNDA GOT RICKROLLED!**

**Ok I guess the disclaimer for this is **_**'We're no strangers to Love' by Rick Astley, **_**yes the song everybody in the world with even the slightest bit of taste hates with all their heart and soul!**

**Anyways I can't really think of anything else to say so... Captain Pickles is a product of my own (and my good friend's) creation. His whole name is CaptainPicklesin3D (spaces are applicable). Anyway, let's wait until Sunda makes her chapter and hope that we can find Horace and Murty the Murtagh without any further interruptions! Not even Team Rocket can stop us now!**


	5. Of Clubs and Camera Phones

**A/N: So, we left off with Captain Pickles torturing me, and Murty being assailed by Horace's stubbornness. When we begin, the group has been traveling for a while. Wolf, you are gonna get it...Be afraid. Be very afraid. You're a dead man. **

* * *

Sunda: I AM GOING TO _KILL_ YOU!

Alyss: Who's she yelling at now?

Sunda: _[continuing her tirade]_ YOU HEAR ME? THERE AIN'T GONNA BE A SCRAP OF FUR LEFT WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!

Will: I'm not sure, but I'd say...Wolf.

Alyss: _[smacks Will upside the head]_ Gee, thanks, O Genius One.

Will: _[bows]_ I do try.

Wolf: _[laughing softly and evilly as he walks up to where Sunda is tied to a cart]_ What do you have against me?

Sunda: _[growls]_ Only the fact that you brought Captain Annoying into existence! _[strains against the ropes]_

Wolf: _[cackles]_ You know, it wasn't just me.

Captain Pickles: Yup, I'm the product of two people. You see, when-

Sunda and Wolf: STOP! _[glare at each other – well, Sunda glares and Wolf and Wolf smirks at Sunda]_

Halt: _[mock-dreamily]_ Ah, young love...

Sunda: Will someone slap him for me?

Izzy: _[slaps Halt across the face. Hard.]_

Sunda: Thank you.

Izzy: You're welcome.

Sunda: Now how about letting me off this thing?

Izzy: Not a chance.

Sunda: _[mutters to herself]_

Profanity Sheep: _[poofs into the Crossover World]_ NO PROFANITY!

Sunda: I WASN'T _USING_ PROFANITY!

Profanity Sheep: Whatever. _[poofs away]_

Inheritance characters and all Ranger's Apprentice characters except Halt and Will: _[look at each other with "huh?" clearly written across their faces]_

Halt and Will: Don't ask. _[glance at each other and almost, kind of, sort of half-smile]_

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: _[poofs in]_ FLUFFY MOMENT! _[cackles and poofs out]_

Everyone except Will and Sunda: Huh? _[or some variation thereof]_

Will: Don't ask.

Sunda: _[laughs (slightly evilly, it must be noted)]_

Captain Pickles: _[hops to the side of the cart]_ You know, Sunda...

Sunda: _[warily]_ What?

Captain Pickles: _[starts singing]_ **You are everything I need to see  
Smile and sunlight takes her way to me  
Love incarnate looking into me  
Breaths of moonlight washing over me  
Can I show you what you are for me?**

**Angel of mine, can I thank you?  
You have saved me time and time again  
Angel, I must confess  
It's you that always gives me strength  
And I don't know where I'd be without you**

Sunda: _[grinning devilishly]_ Hey, Cap'n P?

Captain Pickles: Don't call me that.

Sunda: Whatever. You know what I think your problem is?

Captain Pickles (who shall now be known as Cap'n P, at least when Sunda is writing): No. And please don't enlighten me.

Sunda: _[groans]_ You're just like Wolf. No sense of humor. _[starts singing]_ **There you see her  
Sitting there across the way  
She don't got a lot to say  
But there's something about her  
And you don't know why  
But you're dying to try  
You wanna  
Kiss the girl**

Cap'n P: Stop. Please.

Sunda: _[grins wider and keeps singing]_ **Yes, you want her  
Look at her, you know you do  
It's possible she wants you too  
There is one way to ask her**

**It don't take a word, not a single word  
Go on and kiss the girl**

Cap'n P: STOP! Please, have mercy!

Sunda: _[stops singing]_ Now, why would I do that?

Cap'n P: Um...because you're a nice person?

Sunda: _[snorts]_ Uh-huh. Right. Have you not read the last two chapters?

Cap'n P: Uh...

Sunda: _[businesslike]_ What's in it for me?

Cap'n P: Um...ice cream?

Sunda: Nice try, but Wolf still owes me some for thinking up the quest.

Wolf: _[has been listening]_ _[muttering]_ Oh, yeah...crap...

Sunda: _[smirks]_ How 'bout lettin' me outta here?

Cap'n P: NO! NEVER!

Sunda: _[shrugs as much as she is able to, being tied down and all]_ Suit yourself. _[begins singing again]_ **Sha la la la la la  
My oh my  
Looks like the boy's too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss the girl**

**Sha la la la la la  
Ain't that sad  
It's such a shame, too bad**

**You're gonna miss the girl  
Go on and kiss the girl**

Cap'n P: OKAY, OKAY! I'll let you up! _[releases Sunda]_

Sunda: _[sits up and rubs her wrists]_ Finally. _[jumps Cap'n P]_

Wolf: Hey, stop that!

Sunda: _[pauses with Cap'n P hanging over the side of the cart, her newly manicured fingernails digging into his back]_ Why?

Wolf: Because I need him for later chapters. _That's_ why. Besides he let you off that cart.

Sunda: Yeah, to save his slimy dignity. So I can't kill him? _[Wolf shakes his head]_ Not even a little bit? _[Wolf gives Sunda a weird look and shakes his head]_ Even if I promise to resurrect him before the end of the chapter?

Wolf: No! Remember how Angela gets around...the n-word?

Sunda: _[frowns, then comprehension dawns] [pouts]_ Fine. _[tosses a relieved Cap'n P at Wolf and hops down from the cart]_

Alyss: _[edging slowly away from Sunda]_ Um...how did you get free?

Sunda: That's for me to know and you to wonder about.

Arya: I thought the phrase was "That's for me to know and you to find out"?

Sunda: But I don't want you to find out, so you'll just have to wonder about it.

Arya: _[nods in understanding]_

Eragon: _[muttering]_ I'll never understand women.

Will: _[also muttering]_ Join the club.

Eragon and Will: _[fistbump, even though that's a 20/21-century thing]_

Sunda: _[with obviously false sweetness]_ So, Wolf...

Wolf: _[begins edging away from Sunda] [nervously]_ Yeah?

Sunda: Remember when I said that I was gonna have all your heads? And that there wouldn't even be a patch of fur left when I was done with _you?_

Wolf: _[now backing away, never letting Sunda out of his sight]_ Yeah...

Sunda: Well..._[pauses ominously]_ Don't forget. _[smiles perkily and skips off to the front of the group]_

Wolf: _[blinks, astonished]_ Um...

Eragon and Will: _[hold out their fists for the I-Will-Never-Understand-Women Club initiation fistbump]_

Wolf: _[obliges]_

Sunda: _[stops suddenly and mutters to self]_ Ah, screw it. _[raises voice]_ We're taking too long. _[raises arms, throws her head back, and starts casting a spell (very dramatically – wind is whipping around, clouds are gathering, lightning is crackling, and her voice is echoing as she chants incomprehensible words)]_

Everyone: _[screams in varying degrees of girliness as there is a flash of light]_

_[suddenly everyone finds themselves on a mountainside with Murty and Horace]_

Will: _[very quietly]_ I'm glad I didn't change my pants...

Alyss: _[makes a face and edges away from Will]_

Halt: WE'RE ALIVE! _HALLELUJAH!_ _[starts dancing around with various people]_

Gilan: I didn't know Crowley screamed like a little girl...Oh, crap! _[is chased around the area the group is occupying by Crowley]_

Wolf: _[walks over to Sunda, who is lowering her arms and head]_ That's cheating.

Sunda: So? We're here, aren't we? _[grins]_

Wolf: That's not a happy grin...

Sunda: Nope.

Wolf: _[shivers]_ It's cold here...

Sunda: _[rolls her eyes]_ Well, duh, dipwad. We're on top of a freakin' MOUNTAIN.

Wolf: Yeah, but I have- _[eyes widen] [whispers]_ fur..._[feels his face – no fur]_ WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME, WOMAN?

Sunda: Don't worry, it'll come back when we get to a warmer climate. In the meantime..._[grins devilishly as she holds up a puke-colored snowsuit – complete with chunks]_

Wolf: That. Is _the_ most. _Disgusting._ Thing. I have ever seen.

Sunda: _[happily]_ Good. Put it on if you don't want to get hypothermia. _[is shrugging on a fashionable coat as she says this]_

Wolf: _[groans, but takes the snowsuit as he shivers again]_ You're payin' for this...

Sunda: Already did. It was only one-ninety-nine, can you believe it?

Wolf: Is that American money or British money? And you know that's not what I meant.

Sunda: _[snorts]_ Does it matter? I'm trying to be neutral here. And yes, I know.

Wolf: Ah. _[stands there in the puke suit]_ Now, where's Murty and Horace?

_[Sunda opens her mouth to answer, but is interrupted by Murty's voice]_

Murty: HAH! Toldja so!

Horace: _[peeks over a ledge above the group]_ Hi, guys! How'd you get here?

Alyss: _[very matter-of-factly]_ Magic.

Horace: Oh. _[obviously doesn't believe her]_

Murty: Now, how could they have gotten here without us hearing them before?

Horace: Oh, I don't know, maybe because you busted my eardrums with your last stunt?

Murty: _[obviously exasperated]_ I said I was sorry! And I healed them, too!

_[the imminent fight is prevented by Wolf's howl (sorry, I couldn't resist) of rage. Everyone turns to see him furiously chasing a laughing Sunda over an ice field. Sunda is clutching something that is unfamiliar to the characters, but Wolf and Cap'n P recognize as a camera phone]_

Wolf: DELETE IT! DELETE IT _NOW!_

Sunda: Okay, okay! But just so you know, I already hit send!

Wolf: _[screams and doubles his efforts to catch Sunda, who merely cackles and melts into a nearby shadow patch]_

Sunda: Wow, I get great service here.

Wolf: _[seething and searching the – admittedly small – patch of shadow cast by a rock]_ Where are you?

Sunda (as a disembodied voice from the shadow): I'm not called Daughter of the Shadows for nothing!

Eragon: Okay, fine! I take it back!

Sunda (still as a disembodied voice): Thank you, Eragon.

Angela: Okay, now what?

Will: I still have to pee.

Everyone including Wolf and Sunda: _[groans]_

* * *

**A/N: Tee hee hee! Oh, how I love torturing people! Almost hate to say it, Wolf, but...Toldja! xD**

**I need to disclaim the song "Angel of Mine" by Evanescence, as well as the song "Kiss the Girl" (the version I used was by Ashley Tisdale).**

**The Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness is entirely my own creation. The Profanity Sheep, however, I explain in the story in which it appears (along with the Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness), "And You Thought YOU Got Distracted During Lessons"**

**Wolf:** **You are **_**SO**_** payin' for this. Prepare to die.**

**Sunda:** **Hey, you can't kill me! This is rated K, remember?**

**Wolf:** _**[grumbles, but nods]**_

**Profanity Sheep:** **NO PROFANITY!**

**Wolf****:**** I wasn't USING profanity!**

**Profanity Sheep:**** Whatever. **_**[poofs away]**_

**EDIT! The song "Angel of Mine" is NOT, in fact, by Evanescence. Apparently there was a mix-up due to the actual artist, Amanda Somerville, sounding very similar to Amy Lee, the lead singer for Evanescence. So xP to that, mmkay? Mmkay. :D**__


	6. Profanity Pig may never walk again

**A/N**

**I have only one thing to say Sunda... Captain Pickles is from a family of crazed nutters who are mentally incapable of backing down so BACK DOWN! Or he'll call the commandos...**

Wolf: Yes! There you are! _[He points at the shadow talking to Eragon and turns on a high powered torch.]_

Murty: WHAT KIND OF MAGIC IS THIS? _[Both he and Eragon start screaming]_

Horace: Why, the power of science obviously! _[Murty slowly positions himself on the floor and starts to cry tears of blood.]_

Sunda: Ahhhh! _[She screamed as the torch burned her shadowy form and so she was forced to revert to her human(ish) form.]_

Well you can't catch me anyway! Not while I have these photos of you wearing a puke suit, after all I haven't sent this to any tabloids yet!

Wolf: True, but even you wouldn't dare send it to The Sun _[Dramatic pause] _Newspaper...

Everyone muttering: *gasp* The Sun _[Dramatic pause] _Newspaper?

Sunda: What the hell is the Sun _[Dramatic pause] _Newspaper? What's that?

Wolf: Fairly evil tabloid based in the UK. Besides haven't you noticed that Captain Pickles has... _disappeared!_

Eragon and Will: _Gasp! What a twist!_

* * *

0400 hours

**A pickle cadet received an incoming phone call.**

0401 hours

**He picked the TV remote up by accident.**

**_Hello... is anyone there?_**

**No reply.**

**Then he realised he had picked up the remote.**

**So he picked up the phone.**

0405 hours

**The phone call ended, the pickle had been informed of a meeting that would take place at:**

0500 hours

**Captain Pickles walked down a long hallway with no decorations. The walls were metal, sterilised. The floors were polished, his green reflection visible. As he neared the end of the walk a shiny door came into view, he strolled up to it and placed one of his stub-hands into a tray. Meticulously a flash went back and forth across the length of the tray. Another flash, this time green, flickered into existence above his head. He proceeded to place his eye into a circular iris scanning dish. It did its job.**

**The last details gone over, the door opened diagonally. A second corridor presented itself to Captain Pickles' eye and he proceeded to walk down it. However as soon as he did, the door closed behind him and-fast as a Pickle's comebacks- darts fired out of the walls. Faster even than a Pickle's comebacks, Captain Pickles brought out a tanto blade and knocked all of the projectiles back into the holes they came from-jamming the firing mechanism- as twenty beams of deadly security lasers switched on and spun round faster than the brain could acknowledge. But Captain Pickles was ready and he swiftly break-danced his way through without a single one burning him.**

**After two more minutes of insane dodging prowess The Captain of all Pickles emerged from the testing tunnel unflustered. Before him stood the greatest Pickle training compound that had ever been devised. He knew this because he had made it.**

0500 hours... again...

**A pickle walked into a conference room on campus, it was a briefing room for pickles who were going to be sent on missions but despite his impressive resume for excellence in training he had never gone on a mission. That was going to change today.**

**As soon as he positioned himself on an uncomfortable wooden chair and turned to look at the door he had just entered, said door burst open and there stood _Captain Pickles in 3D _himself. He was smoking a cigar with thick stubble covering his lower half of his face. In his hand was a mug of cold, stale, English ale. He blew a puff of smoke into a ring shape and sat himself down.**

Captain Pickles: **Private, you have been selected for a senior pickle class mission. this is a grand day for all Pickles I assure you. Operation 'Over-pickle' will start at:** _[classified] _**hours.**

Private Pickles in HD: **Well, it's about damn time I got some recognition around here.**

_[To which Captain Pickles nods]_

Captain Pickles: **The instructors tell me you are the most promising student to train here in pickle years.**

Private Pickles: **Damn right I am.**

Captain Pickles: **It's why I've handpicked you for this mission along with a team of Pickle commandos. We will rendezvous with them four miles away from the operation's target. By the end of this Dautr abr du Sundavar will have paid the price!**

_[They burst out into laughter.]_

* * *

Wolf: But in answer to you Angela I believe our next destination is the bottom of the ocean and so that our story is not cut into anymore fractions _[He reached out and grabbed Sunda's keyboard then smashed it across his knee.]_

Sunda: NOOOOO! My only keyboard! I'll have to go back to using the M&M pen!

Wolf: _*cough cough* _Remember the He-Man thing?

Oromis, Izzy and Alyss _[shuddering]_: Yes...

Wolf: Then be assured that you will not be getting that back in one piece. Oh yeah, and on the subject of that disturbing incident, remember how I brought my fur back again?

Sunda: Yeah?

_[Wolf raises his hand and his fur comes back again.]_

Sunda: Damn.

Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!

Sunda: _[Screaming loud enough to burst multiple ear drums.] _I WASN'T USING ANY _*reality censors itself in this one location to stop the Profanity that it so terrible that those who here it being spoken immediately catch Pineapple Aids* __[Pant, pant.]_

Profanity Pig: _[Completely speechless.]_ I... I... _[The profanity pig falls into a coma and stops breathing.]_

Convenient medics: We have to get this pig to a hospital right away!

_[An ambulance _is_ seen taking away the fallen Profanity Pig.]_

Everyone else looking at Sunda: O.O

Sunda: I... I... I don't know what came over me... I-

Will: No, this time you went too far, I suggest-

High pitched voice over a microphone: Everybody stay where you are and place your hands where we can see them.

Arya: DAMMIT! Why can this plot never stay on track? Why does it ALWAYS have to veer off at an angle?

Sunda: _[Clears her throat] _Because we're writing it... _[gestures to herself and Wolf.] _Besides, with the death of my keyboard -whose name was Craig by the way- I care little about my surroundings anymore. _[She sat down on the floor next to Izzy and stared blankly into space.]_

Wolf: Snap out of it! _[He slaps her around the face. Hard.] _Don't you go all soppy on us! You might be important later on!

Sunda: _[Waking from her emoness] _You're right! I'm Daughter of the Shadows damn it and—wait... were you just slapping me?

Wolf: _[backing away from an angry looking Sunda] _Ummm, no... I was... just... AHHHHHHH! _[Wolf ran away from a furious Sunda who had managed to pull a scythe from out of nowhere.] _

Sunda: NOW I'M GUNNA GET YOUR HEAD! JUST LIKE I PROMISED!

_[Fortunately for Wolf, he was a Wolf and so was pretty damn fast. You know, being the fact that he was a wolf. And as he was a Wolf he could naturally run fast due to- You know what? I don't get paid enough for this job, my narrator lines are written by imbeciles and I don't get one shred of respect. I QUIT!]_

_[Uhh, hi, I'm your new narrator so let's get started: The previous Narrator stormed out of Crossover world and went back get a different job in narration. But back on topic, but despite Wolf's speed he kept tripping over in his blind panic allowing Sunda to catch up each time.]_

High pitched voice over a microphone: That's it! Commandos, secure the perimeter.

_[At once at least twenty pickles with assault rifles and black and brown stripes on their cheeks burst into the mountain clearing and threw stun grenades to incapacitate everyone. Then they converged upon Sunda and Wolf tying them both up.]_

Commando Jenkins: _[Talking to Sunda and Wolf] _Now give me three good reasons why I shouldn't put a bullet through each of your heads?

_[Sunda quickly recovered from the shock of being ambushed by three inch tall pickles and replied with a chirpy voice.]_

Sunda: Well, this fan fiction is rated K... we are the only way out of this hell hole and you can kill the one with the fur because you won't be able to see the blood because of all the fur!

Wolf: Oh thanks a lot Sunda, you know, so far I've barely done anything to you but you've been beating me up constantly. Hell, I should've done something when you were attacking me for no reason bar I lead you to believe we would never get outta here! Well actually that sounds pretty bad when I look back at it, BUT THE POINT REMAINS VALID! I mean, it hurt worse than the time you hugged me!

Halt and Crowley: There it is again!

Sergeant Pickles in 2D: _[Slapped them both upside the face] _Shuddup.

Commando Jenkins: Gah! This is taking too long! Just bundle these two on to the mini carts and leave the others tied up. We have to get them back to the Captain.

_[And as the deed was explained, so was it done!]_

_[Everyone is tied together in the middle of the clearing and they were all facing each other... very close...]_

Sound: ... silence

Horace: Hey... wait... are we gunna get fed soon?

Will: More importantly how am I supposed to be pee?

Everyone:  _[groans]_

Will: Oh yeah! That's how!

_[Will squeezed his eyes shut and frowned in concentration, then a wet patch appeared on his trousers for all to see. Then-to horrified cries of disgust- it carried on, down his legs and flowed out of trousers and soaked everyone in the warm flow!]_

Arya: AHHH! It's everywhere!

Angela: Holy Solembum! I'm soaked!

Oromis:  _[In an extremely high pitched voice.] _Sweet mercy!

Izzy: Meh, whatever.

Crowley: _[Gags and then vomited, exploding his last meal over all those in front of him.]_

Gilan: _[Directly in front of Crowley is covered in it the most, vomits himself.]_

_[And so in a disgusting and yet- no, no, just disgusting, manner, each of the peoples from the story turned their guts and bowels over each other. You just have to be naturally disgusting to write this into a fiction.]_

_[Meanwhile on the Pickle cart!]_

Sunda: We could have easily avoided this if you had JUST LISTENED TO THE MAN GIVING DIRECTIONS!

Wolf: What the hell are you talking about? What man with directions?

Sunda: The man at the end of the lollipop lane!

Wolf: Look, when we get to Captain Pickles I'll get him to release us and then we can go rescue the others, go to the ocean, sing a couple of catchy songs on the way and get an ice cream just before submerging.

Sunda: I don't know... you offered me Ice Cream before and I still haven't got it...

Wolf: I know, I was going to give it to you and then Will ate it.

Sunda: Well I'll have a suitable punishment for him when I reach him, maybe something along the lines of reverse bear traps or water-boarding or—

Wolf: Stop!

Sunda: Why?

Wolf: Rating.

Sunda: Oh yeah. Well at least with The Profanity Sheep in a coma we can get away with minor swearing.

Wolf: You know, I just had the strangest thought that we might be heading to that Chasm of Death that you mentioned in Chapter three I think it was when you said that to get to the Talisman of Roxerness we had to cross a Chasm of Death.

Sunda: Why do you think that?

Wolf: Well we've passed three signs pointing to The Chasm of Death. And each time we go past one the distance is decreased to it. Call me paranoid, but I think we're going to be killed by these insane pickles.

Sunda: Ah bum-baskets. Wait... this is getting dangerously close to the end of the chapter and this sounds VERY hard to write about. Melvin's banana cookies, you want me to write about our escape don't you!

Wolf: Caught me red handed!

Sunda: Now that's only because you've been dipping your hand into the jam _[for the American fans- Jelly] _jar again.

Wolf: _[sighing] _I know, it's becoming a real problem, the jam _[jelly] _ never comes out of the fur.

Sunda: Also, curse you for making me do more work than I have to!

Wolf: _[imitating Izzy] _ Meh, whatever.

Sunda: _[kicks Wolf.]_

* * *

**A/N **

**Ok sorry if this one isn't so funny, I've been working on it for three hours solid and you get a little tired after a while SO GET OFF MY FREAKIN' BACK! Sorry, I just had to do that since the Profanity Sheep is in hospital. The doctors called me and said that he was in a stable condition but he would never walk again. But now I leave it in the capable hands of Sunda to finish off where I left off.**

**Disclaimers:**

**Pineapple Aids is a product of the other guy who made Captain Pickles- we shall refer to him as Black-buck Vulcan as he likes to be called.**

**The Sun **_**[dramatic pause] **_**Newspaper is a tabloid newspaper that I do not own or have any affliation with, so there! The Sun is still pretty evil though.**

**Hitman: **I have in my sights, would you like me to take him out?

**Voice on the other end of the phone: **Not yet, let's wait a while and see if we can get any information out of torture. It seems like this one may know where the diamonds are!

**Both: **_[Start laughing hysterically.]_


	7. Twists and Turns

**A/N: For the record, out of cyberspace, I don't swear. At all. Mmkay?

* * *

**

_The situation (in case you've forgotten): Wolf and I have been captured by pickle commandos, and are on our way to the Chasm of Death to be disposed of by said pickles. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast have been tied up by a different commando squad, and Will has managed to achieve a new level of disgusting bladder non-control. Oh, and Wolf left it up to _me _to write our escape. *eye twitch*_

Izzy: We're going to die.

Gilan: No we're not.

Izzy: Yes we are.

Gilan: No we're not.

Izzy: Yes we are.

Gilan: No we're not.

Izzy: Yes we are.

Gilan: No we're not.

Izzy: Yes we are.

Gilan: No we're not.

Izzy: Yes we are.

Halt: Will you guys _stop it!_

Izzy: I'm just sayin', we're gonna die soaked in pee and barf.

Alyss: Nice.

Izzy: Hey, I tells it like I sees it. _[stares off into space]_

Everyone else: _[blinks]_

Pickle Commando #37: Come on, you all. Let's move.

Crowley: Um, Mr. Pickle, sir?

Pickle Commando #37: Yes?

Crowley: We kind of...can't get up.

Pickle Commando #37: _[sighs in a longsuffering fashion]_ Alright, fine. _[shouting to Pickle Commandos #23-34]_ Let's get 'em up!

Gilan: We're gonna die.

Izzy: Toldja so.

_[Everyone is hauled up into a truck.]_

**Meanwhile...**

_[Wolf and Sunda are sitting despondently in the cart as they are hauled off toward the Chasm of Death. Although neither will admit it, both are terrified. As they pass a sign that says "Chasm of Death: Next Right" Sunda speaks for the first time in quite a while.]_

Sunda: Okay, maybe I overreacted when I thought we were stuck here.

Wolf: _[sarcastically]_ Ya think?

Sunda: Hey, I'm trying to apologize! Gimme a freakin' break!

Wolf: You're...apologizing?

Sunda: _[gets increasingly agitated]_ Yeah, but I'm really bad at it, but I want to make sure you know I'm sincere, but I don't want to sound totally lame, cause that's just the kind of person I am, but-

Wolf: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down!

Sunda: _[shuts her mouth]_

Wolf: Look, it's alright, alright?

Sunda: _[smiles]_ Alright. Thanks.

Wolf: _[smiles back]_ No problem.

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: FLUFFY MOMENT! _[cackles and disappears]_

Wolf and Sunda: _[blink a few times, then burst out laughing]_

Sunda: I am _so_ glad Halt wasn't here to see that. I doubt Izzy will slap him for me again.

Wolf: So, how are we going to get out of here?

Sunda: _[lets out a breath]_ I've been thinking about that – when I wasn't thinking about where we're going or how to phrase my apology, that is...

Wolf: I think you're right.

Sunda: About what?

Wolf: I _don't_ want to know how your brain works.

Sunda: _[laughs slightly]_ No, you don't. Anyway, I'm thinking that I use this bunny pencil to-

Wolf: Wait, how will that help us?

Sunda: Oh, you'd be surprised how many magical writing utensils there are. Anyway, I use this bunny pencil to draw something – I'm still working on what – that will get us safely out of the Chasm of Death.

Wolf: How about a dragon?

Sunda: Thought of that. Too unpredictable.

Wolf: You could bring Saphira in.

Sunda: No, 'cause then she'd have to stay. And do you _really_ wanna type all those italics every time she says something?

Wolf: _[thinks for a moment]_ Good point.

Sunda: Thank you. Hey, your source of power is the Hunter's Knife, right?

Wolf: Yeah. So?

Sunda: So can't you use that somehow?

Wolf: I would, but the pickle commandos took that away from me.

Sunda: _[mutters something]_ Okay, that's shot. Well- _[suddenly doubles over in pain]_

Wolf: Sunda? You okay?

Sunda: _[through gritted teeth]_ Yeah, peachy.

Wolf: Well, you can't be too bad if you can be sarcastic.

Sunda: _[straightens up as much as she can with her hands tied behind her back]_ I'd kick you for that if I didn't feel like I was about to throw up.

Wolf: _[edges as far away from Sunda as he can]_ Please don't. I don't want to die smelling like vomit.

Sunda: Believe me, I'll try not to. _[takes a few deep breaths]_

Wolf: What just happened?

Sunda: I think...oh, crap. _[closes her eyes in an "oh crap this is really bad" way]_

Wolf: What?

Sunda: Remember when you ate my M&M pen?

Wolf: Yeah. What about it?

Sunda: _[still with her eyes closed]_ Well, that was the primary source of my power. _[opens eyes]_ It wouldn't be a problem if you hadn't broken my keyboard, but...

Wolf: _[swears quietly]_

Sunda: Exactly.

**Back with the rest of the group...**

Eragon: _[to the pickle commandos who are watching the group]_ Where are we going?

Pickle Commando #21: Shut up.

Eragon: Oh, yeah? Make me.

Pickle Commando #21: I said _[slaps Eragon across the face] _SHUT UP!**  
**

Eragon: _[very quietly]_ Kay.

Izzy (speaking mentally to Eragon): _I know where we're going._

Eragon: _Where?_

Izzy: _Our deaths._

Eragon: [groans mentally]_ Can you stop with the emo-ness?_

Izzy: _No. My being emo is an inevitable side effect of living so long...and seeing so much..._[images come across their link: blood, gore, and war are foremost among them]

Eragon: [shudders] _Okay, I can kinda understand that..._

**Back with Wolf and Sunda...**

Wolf: Oh, no.

Sunda: What?

Wolf: Smell that?

Sunda: _[sniffs the air]_ Nope. I'm not a wolf, remember?

Wolf: Oh, yeah. Anyway, we're getting close to the Chasm of Death. Very close.

Sunda: Oh, no.

Wolf: That's what I said!

Sunda: _[smiles slightly]_ I know, I know. Copycat. What're we gonna do?

Wolf: I don't...Hey!

Sunda: What?

Wolf: Can you go shadow?

Sunda: I dunno...maybe. I'll try. _[tilts her head back and closes her eyes]_

_[A full minute later...]_

Wolf: I don't think it's working.

Sunda: _[opens her eyes and lowers her head, breathing heavily]_ No. No, it's not.

Wolf: But why not? You were fine in chapter five!

Sunda: Yeah, but that was before SOMEONE broke my keyboard.

Wolf: Oops...

Sunda: Hey, you didn't know this would happen.

Wolf: True...

Sunda: So, did anything happen?

Wolf: Well, you do look a little more transparent.

Sunda: That's not a good thing.

Wolf: Why not?

Sunda: Because when I go shadow, I'm not actually transparent. I'm a shadow - pure darkness. So if I'm growing transparent...

Wolf: It means your power is weakening further.

Sunda: _[nods]_

Wolf: Crap. Well, since you can't go shadow, can you draw something that can eat through the ropes?

Sunda: But that won't help us get out of the Chasm – which I definitely smell now _[wrinkles her nose]_ – unless...maybe..._[works her hands in front of her and begins sketching furiously with the bunny pencil]_

Wolf: _[peering over Sunda's shoulder]_ Is that...a _rabbit?_

Sunda: _[distantly]_ Not exactly. Shut up.

Wolf: _[sits back and does so]_

Sunda: _[triumphantly]_ Hah! _[mutters something in the Ancient Language]_

Wolf: What did you..._[trails off as a small winged – something – the color of the cart's wood rises out of said wood]_

Sunda: _[happily]_ Wolf, meet our ticket out of here.

Wolf: What...is that?

Sunda: It's a winged jackalope! You know, a jackrabbit with deer antlers. Except this one has wings. He's only temporary, though, so _[she turns to address the jackalope]_ Steve, get to work!

Steve the Jackalope: _[starts gnawing Wolf's ropes off]_

Wolf: Steve? Seriously?

Sunda: _[shoots Wolf a look]_ Well, I wasn't about to call him Jack.

Wolf: Good point. _[Steve finishes on his ropes, and he (Wolf) rubs his wrists as Steve begins work on Sunda's ropes]_ But, names aside, how is he going to help us get out of the Chasm?

Sunda: He's magical.

Wolf: ...And?

Sunda: _[rolls her eyes]_ _And_ that will give him the strength to lift us out of the Chasm of Death. _[Steve finishes her ropes and she rubs her wrists]_ Jeesh, could they have made those a little tighter? I think my hands still have a little bit of blood in them.

Wolf: Are you always like this?

Sunda: Like what?

Wolf: Sarcastic.

Sunda: Pretty much, yeah.

Wolf: Ah.

_[The cart stops. Wolf and Sunda make it look like their hands are still tied behind their backs as a pickle commando steps in front of the cart]_

Pickle Commando #11: Alright, get out.

Wolf: Why?

Pickle Commando #11: _[casually throws a knife that misses Wolf's neck by a hair, and actually brushes his fur]_ Get out.

Wolf: _[gulps and complies, Sunda right behind him. Steve is invisibly following them]_

Sunda: Where's your leader?

Pickle Commando #11: That's none of your business, girlie.

Sunda: _[scowls ferociously]_

Wolf: Um, sir, I'd apologize if I were you...

Pickle Commando #11: _[snorts]_ Or what?

Sunda: _[leaps on the commando and beats him senseless – while still maintaining the façade of being tied up]_

Wolf: _[whispering]_ Or that.

Sunda: That's for nearly killing Wolf, too!

_[Sunda and Wolf are suddenly surrounded by pickles, all bearing various weapons]_

Sunda: Hey, he started it.

Cap'n P: _[walks into the circle]_

Wolf: Captain Pickles!

Sunda: Cap'n P?

Cap'n P: Don't call me that.

**Back with the group...**

_[The truck stops]_

Pickle Commando #21: Everybody out!

Will: Why?

Pickle Commando #21: _[slaps Will across the face]_ Because I said. Now OUT!

_[Everyone gets out]_

Gilan: Where are we?

Arya: I don't know...

Angela: I do!

Halt: Care to share with the class?

Angela: We're in a giant torture chamber!

_[And she's right; they are in a large stone room, windowless, that is stuffed full of torture devices]_

Gilan: Oh.

Izzy: We're gonna die.

Gilan: Will you STOP THAT!

**Back with Wolf and Sunda...**

Cap'n P: _[in an impressive voice – for a pickle]_ You two are under arrest for crimes against reality and the Crossover World. Due to the severity of said crimes, there is only one sentence that can justly be passed. _[pauses dramatically]_ Death.

Sunda: _[rolls her eyes]_ Somebody's been watching too much television...

Wolf: What did I do? Why are you doing this to me? I'm part of the reason for your being!

Cap'n P: _[solemnly – because, really, what self-respecting backstabber would joke right now?]_ You, Articwolfstudios, aided and abetted Dautr abr du Sundavar in her foul schemes of Crossover World domination.

Wolf: _[looks wide-eyed at Sunda]_

Sunda: No! I didn't-

Cap'n P: SILENCE!

Sunda: _[shuts her mouth and tries to communicate by facial expressions that she didn't try to take over squat]_

Cap'n P: You, Dautr abr du Sundavar, are hereby charged with attempting to control the Crossover World. You, Articwolfstudios, are hereby charged with aiding and abetting the evil Dautr abr du Sundavar in her attempt to control the Crossover World. Due to the severe and clichéd nature of your crimes, I, Captain Pickles in 3D, hereby sentence you to death.

Wolf: _[thinking]_ Why is he doing this? I made him! Why is he trying to kill me? Why?

Sunda: _[thinking]_ That sure is a lot of hereby-ness...

Cap'n P: Do you have any last words?

Wolf: _[bitterly]_ Why, Captain Pickles? Why?

Sunda: Oh, for cryin' out loud. Maybe he was right about the cliché part. But that's it! And it wasn't applicable until just now! Captain Pickles, we're innocent, I swear!

Captain Pickles: Uh-huh. Right. _[to his pickle commandos]_ Toss them into the Chasm!

Pickle Commandos #1-20 (except for #11, who is still unconscious): Yes, sir! _[they toss Wolf and Sunda into a rather large, very smelly crack in the ground. No giggling!]_

Steve (who is now visible): _[flies to the rescue]_

Sunda: Grab an antler and hang on! _[grabs an antler]_

Wolf: _[also grabs an antler]_ Um, Sunda?

Sunda: Yes?

Wolf: Is it my imagination, or are we falling faster?

Sunda: _[eyes widen] [curses colorfully]_ It's not your imagination.

Wolf: _[is rubbing his (very red) ear with his free hand]_ I kind of figured...

Sunda: Now what?

Wolf: I don't know.

Sunda: What? You're the one who swallowed the freakin' M&M pen! Do something with it!

Wolf: Well...

Sunda: What?

Wolf: I've never tried before. I don't know how.

Sunda: Well, now would be a good time to figure it out, 'cause I can see the bottom.

Wolf: _[swears]

* * *

_

**A/N: Yes, I am evil and giving you a cliffie there. I'm just that way. *smiles angelically***

**Yes, I know that this wasn't as funny as the others. Personally, I think that a little bit of serious helps to tamp down on "funny overload." Meaning that some serious helps one to not become...desensitized...to the funny. Mmkay? And I wasn't sure how to make this chapter blatantly funny. xD  
**

**And, guys, could you do something for me? Check out Wolf's profile. His full pen name is Articwolfstudios, and he has another story besides this one. Plus, it would be kind of you to submit your reviews of the chapters he writes to his profile, you know? Thankies. :D  
**

**Your turn, Wolf! How you gonna get us outta this one? Hmm? x)**


	8. Spunk out!

**Wow! A real cliff hanger there... almost literally except we're not hanging anymore...**

* * *

Sunda: Hey, I don't mean to rush you but... **CAN YOU HURRY UP IN YOUR THINKING?**

Wolf: I'm trying! I'm trying! I want to come up with something original and plausible, not all _random_ otherwise everyone will be disappointed!

Sunda: How can you be concerned what the readers think? **WE'RE GONNA FREAKIN' DIE!** Deus ex Machina this thing up!

Wolf: **I HAVE TO PROTECT MY AUTHOR'S IMAGE!**

Sunda: _[thinking] _This is a really deep hole...

Wolf: Hey, how long until we hit the bottom?

Sunda: About another ten minutes I guess.

Wolf: Ten whole minutes? Wow this is one epic hole! _[No giggling]_

Sunda: That won't stop us being dashed to pieces by the rocks on either side though.

Wolf: Why do I have to work a way out of this again?

Sunda: Because you broke my keyboard and ate my primary source of power!

Wolf: Oh yeah... Hey I've got an idea, how about we set up a fluffy moment and then grab the Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness and when he teleports out we grab onto him!

Sunda: Ok we can try that...

_[awkward silence]_

Sunda: Ok, that isn't going to work, anything else in your head o' Master of the Escape Plans?

Wolf: Why don't we take a look at everyone else to calm us down?

Sunda: I guess so; hopefully they're in a nice relaxing location that will give us tranquillity of mind...

* * *

_[Meanwhile in the torture chamber.]_

Torture master: _[Chuckling in good humour] _Well Okay! I'll be your torture master for today, so just relax, take it easy and this should be excruciatingly painful!_ [He gave them a quick smile before leading Murty into a pot of burning oil.]_

Murty: _[Screams]_

* * *

_[Back in the Chasm of Death] _

_[Shocked faces]_

Sunda: Well that sure as hell wasn't relaxing!

Wolf: _[Speechless] _Once we get out of here we have to go rescue them.

Sunda: Way to go genius...

Wolf: Ahhh! I'm running low on ideas here!

Sunda: What about The Ocarina of Time?

Wolf: NO! I refuse to have a confusing time travelling adventure with a good for nothing Winged Jackalope called Steve and a bunny pencil.

Sunda: _[Shrugs like it's no big deal] _Ok, just our death bed...

Wolf: Hold on a second, I get good ideas when I listen to my i-pod _[shameless advertising]_. Fine then, the _songs_ on my i-pod, jeez...

_[Wolf brings out his i-pod and hums along to Sonata Arctica's Full Moon.]_

Sunda: _[After five extremely scary minutes of freefalling] _ARE YOU DONE YET!

Wolf: _[Taking the ear-pods out of his ears] _Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought of something as soon as I put the song on, I just wanted to listen to it, because it's so cooooool!

Sunda: Well what the guacamole is it?

Wolf: Uhh, it might take some effort. Quickly, hit me as hard as you can in the stomach!

Sunda: _[With perverse pleasure knocks the wind out of Wolf's lungs]_

Wolf: _[Gasping for air] _uuuuuuuuh... another, quickly!

_[Sunda complies]_

Wolf: Theeeere we go. _[He belches up a sword.] _Well, I promised everyone I wouldn't do this again but it seems like I have no other choice.

Sunda: _[Closes her eyes as she guesses what Wolf planned to do and to protect her retinas from a painful searing]_

Wolf: **BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL! I HAVE THE POOOOOWWWWWEEEEEER!**

_[Wolf raised the sword into the air again and electricity crackled around him. Suddenly his fur disappeared to be replaced with tight revealing underwear.]_

Dammit, I hate this outfit...

Sunda: So how is this going to help us? You're just going to die practically naked!

Wolf: Thanks for the encouragement. Anyway here's what we do, first I need your jackalope to slow us down as much as possible, it doesn't need to fly us anywhere, just slow us down.

Sunda: Steve! Get to work!

_[The jackalope complied]_

Wolf: Good. Next, **BATTLECAT! I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE!**

_[The He-Man music can be heard in the background as BattleCat arrives with them less than a ten second drop into the lava.]_

_Please note that what Wolf says next is actually what He-Man has said and should not judge me in anyway. _Fabulous work! Now BattleCat, come over here!

_[BattleCat does as asked]_

Now I can use you as a lava stepping stone!

_[BattleCat looks at him in horror as Wolf lifts him over his head and throws him into the lava.]_

BattleCat: AHHHHHHHH! _[Then he died in extreme pain.]_

Sunda: Call me sick, but I actually enjoyed watching that. _[Evil cackle.]_

Wolf: I actually enjoyed doing that. Now Steve! Drop us down.

_[Steve does so and they both jumped on the burning carcass of poor, poor Cringer, then they leapt onto the walls.]_

Sunda: Well, your plan has worked so far. Now what?

Wolf: Well this is kinda where I zoned out and started listening to the raw power of the Werewolf...

Sunda: Are you addicted to wolves?

Wolf: Maaaaaaaybe!

Sunda: _[sighs] _Well then, do we just stand here and sweat ourselves to death or what?

Wolf: Hey, at least we're not Murtagh at the moment.

Sunda: True but- _[She doubled over in pain again.]_

Wolf: It's getting worse isn't it?

Sunda: I give myself another hour until I completely disappear from existence.

Wolf: And we want to avoid that.

Sunda: _[Angry glare] _Yes, we want to avoid that!

Wolf: Ok, think of a plan, think of a plan.

Sunda: Need more time again?

Wolf: Yeah, and this time I don't need peace of mind. _[chucks away Buddhist's handbook] _Let's take another look at the others.

_[Meanwhile in the torture chamber... or chamber of torture, whichever sounds better to you.]_

_

* * *

_

**Please note that some of you with weak stomachs and over reactive imaginations may be mildy disgusted with this. This is a K rated fanfiction so if you feel like you might pass out at the slightest mention of: Oil or being stretched, please move along until this sign is shown again.**

**

* * *

**

_[Murty was cooked a lovely looking golden brown and the others looked on as Izzy was being stretched, whipped and branded at the same time.]_

Izzy: _[Not making a sound and completely motionless.]_

Torture Master: Still not screaming in delight? Well maybe the slow progressing Chinese Water Torture will deal with that! _[He smiled cheerfully as if it was some kind of present to be delighted with.]_

Izzy: _[Shrugging as much as someone being stretched can shrug.] _Meh, Ok.

Arya: She really is an emo...

Eragon: Spunk out, spunk right outta here.

Izzy: You know, I think these shackles are a little loose, could you maybe tighten them? _[She gestured to her shackles that were so tight that her hands were already bulging and pure white.]_

Torture Master: Uhmmm. Ok...

_[He did as asked.]_

Will: _[Passing out] _Oh the humility...

_[Alyss caught him just in time.]_

Alyss: Can you believe I actually like this guy?

Arya: I like him as well... _[Creepy smile]_

Eragon: _[Bursts out crying] _

Alyss: Hands off Elfin witch!

_[They attempt to cat fight as well as they can in shackles.]_

Angela: I thought I was the only witch... _[She puts on a sad face and sits down.]_

**Ok, you can open your eyes now.**

**

* * *

**

Sunda: Yayzers! That'll make for interesting character development!

Wolf: And conveniently, in that time I came up with a plan to get out of here!

Sunda: Is that all you ever think about? Work, work, work. Escape, escape, escape. Save Sunda's life, save Sunda's life, save Sunda's life? This isn't all about you, ya know!

Wolf: _[Repeatedly slaps his forehead.] _I'll explain to you everything that is wrong with that statement some other time but for now we've got to get out of here.

So here's the plan, we've got to eat our way through the earth up to the surface a few miles away from where the pickles are so they don't know we've escaped. Better for them to think we're dead than to search for us.

Sunda: You're telling me you want to num num num through solid rock?

Wolf: Spunk yeah!

Sunda: **I'M IN!** Only...

Wolf: Only what?

Sunda: Please change back to normal Wolf, I don't want to see what you've got on display.

Wolf: _[Embarrassed] _Sowwy. _[Raises his hand and changes back to normal.]_

Sunda: _[Already eaten a full two metres of solid rock] _Well? Are you coming or what?

Wolf: Uhhhh, yeah...

_[And after wolfing down- yeah, wolfing- ten miles of Igneous Rock in less than ten minutes, both were pretty full.]_

Sunda: _*burp* _That was tasty!

Wolf: Who knew Rock tasted so goooood in a fantasy world of our own creation?

Sunda: Well duuuuh...

Wolf: It tasted spunktastic, anyways, we've got to be heading off to—_[Wolf's watch interrupted him by letting off a loud alarm noise.]_

Wolf's magical, fantastical, superpowered watch!: Deep. Deeeeep. Deeeeeeeeeep. Please. Recharge. Meeeeee. Also your promise to get you two out of the Chasm is over. So like you can end the chapter now. Kefluffle.

Wolf: Hmm, my magical, fantastical, superpowered watch is right, my chapter is over. _[Turns to Sunda] _Better hand it on over to you with a slice of spunk cake.

Sunda: _[Sarcastically] _Yaaaayzers. My turn... greeeat.

Wolf: You don't sound all that happy...

Sunda: Well I have to find a new power source before I die of lack of power, _[Eyes Wolf's magical, fantastical, superpowered watch!] _write a new chapter and your overuse of the word Spunk and ellipses are really making me depressed.

Wolf: _[With a happy grin] _But it's spun-

Sunda: Finish that word and see where it takes you... **THE ELLIPSES, THEY BURN!**

* * *

**A/N**

**Ok first off, well done Sunda for noticing my use of the ellipses in this. And now for a healthy dosage of disclaimers!**

**Disclaimers:**

**I do not own Apple or any i-pod related products, consider it free advertising.**

**I do not have any affiliation with Sonata Arctica or their songs. But they are just sooo awesome.**

**The Hunter's Knife belongs to ME. I do not allow anyone to use it without my prior consent. Sunda did not know this and I forgives her.**

**I've been over He-Man so we won't go into that.**

**And I think that's everything. I'm in a bit of a rush so I'll end it here.**


	9. Ready to be Back on Track

**A/N: Why is it that we always tend to leave the hard parts to each other? Hmm? Are we both just lazy that way?**

**Well?

* * *

**

_[Wolf and Sunda are walking through a forest that seems to be experiencing autumn – which is bizarre, since it's been summer everywhere else. Wolf is in his normal furry form (thankfully), but Sunda is blurring around the edges]_

Wolf: _[plucks a red leaf from a tree]_ This is so-

Sunda: _[interrupting]_ Go ahead, say some variation of spunk. I dare ya.

Wolf: _[gulps]_ I think I'll pass on that.

Sunda: _[smiles]_ Good, you're learning.

_[They walk in silence for a few minutes, until...]_

Wolf: Where are we, exactly?

Sunda: Forest Random, in the foothills of CWHACMR.

Wolf: Forest Random?

Sunda: Complete with all the weirdness the name implies.

Wolf: Oh, boy.

_[Suddenly a BEAR came out from behind the trees!]_

Bear: RAAAARR!

Wolf: _[screams like a little girl]_

Sunda: Go away, Mudpickle!

Bear (who is apparently named Mudpickle): _[pouts]_

Sunda: _[in a warning tone]_ Now.

Bear-whose-name-is-Mudpickle: Fine. _[sulks away]_

Wolf: _[coming out from behind Sunda]_ What was that?

Sunda: _[nonchalantly]_ A bear named Mudpickle. Come on. _[continues walking]_

Wolf: _[follows]_ And...why was he here?

Sunda: I told you, the Forest Random is aptly named.

Wolf: And, he didn't scare you...why?

Sunda: _[snorts]_ Oh, he scared me, alright.

Wolf: _[blinks]_ You sure didn't act like it.

Sunda: Well, I am a theater chick, no?

Wolf: Uhh...right!

Sunda: _[laughs]_ Good answer. Anyway, it helped that he was random. There was a – a connection between us, you might say.

Wolf: Uhh...why?

Sunda: Use any more ellipses and see where it gets you.

Wolf: _[gulps again]_ I'll pass. So why was there a connection?

Sunda: Pickles like pie, but most of them prefer cake over pumpkins. Oh, and the zorgamuffins _[pronounced with a hard "g" and the first syllable is stressed the most]_ taste like chocolate.

Wolf: _[blinks several times]_ That doesn't help. And what the heck is a zorgamuffin?

Sunda: _[rolls her eyes]_ I'm RANDOM. The bear was RANDOM. See the connection? And a zorgamuffin is a zorgy muffin of pure chocolaty goodness.

Wolf: I'm not even going to ask what "zorgy" means.

Sunda: Then you really are learning.

_[Suddenly a WARTHOG appeared in front of them!]_

Wolf: _[cries out in a manly manner (there, is that better?)]_ Not again!

Warthog: YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SHALL NOOOOOOT PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!

Sunda and Wolf: _[each raise an eyebrow]_

Wolf: Um, I think you've been watching too many movies, Gandalf.

Sunda: Hey, Timiny?

Warthog: Yeah?

Sunda: Go away.

Warthog (who is apparently named Timiny): _[pouts] [whining]_ But I don't wanna!

Sunda: NOW!

Warthog-whose-name-is-Timiny: _[scurries away]_

Wolf: You know, I'm really glad you're not mad at me anymore. _[starts walking again]_

Sunda: _[does the same]_ As well you should be.

Wolf: Any idea how many more things are going to randomly interrupt us?

Sunda: No. Maybe-

_[Suddenly a TREE uprooted itself and began chasing them!]_

Wolf: _[as they run]_ You were saying?

Sunda: How about if we look in on the others while I try to figure out a way out of this? Unless you have any ideas.

Wolf: Sorry, fresh out.

Sunda: Well, then, here we go.

Wolf: I thought-

Sunda: DON'T ARGUE!

Wolf: Okay.

**Meanwhile, in the chamber of torture...**

Will: _[wakes up to Arya and Alyss catfighting and Angela commandeering Izzy's emo corner]_

Oromis: WILL! Oh, thank the nonexistent gods you're awake!

Halt: _[gives Oromis a sidelong look]_ That made so much sense...

Angela: _[suddenly stops crying]_ I love your dry sense of sarcastic humor.

Halt: Um...I'm taken.

Angela: _[goes back to the emo corner and sobs]_

Crowley: _[is grinning devilishly]_

Halt: What?

Crowley: I _knew_ there was something between you and Pauline!

Halt: I never said I was taken by Pauline. I just said I was taken.

Crowley: Riiiiiiight...

Halt: _[tries to lunge at his Commandant, but is restricted by the shackles] [swears]_

Crowley: Now, now, Halt. There's youngsters about. Mind your tongue.

Halt: You mind yours, or you'll need to sleep with one eye open.

Crowley: Are you _threatening_ me?

Halt: I think I've been around Sunda too much.

Crowley: _[thinks a moment]_ I can accept that.

Gilan: Oh, yay, the two geezers made up.

Crowley and Halt: _[glance briefly at each other, then lunge at Gilan – who they can both reach. How convenient!]_

Torture Master: Hey! I'm supposed to be doing the beating!

Halt and Crowley: _[ignore him]_

Gilan: _[continues fighting for his life]_

Torture Master: _[to a Torture Minion]_ Go separate them. Put the young one in line for the oil, the taken geezer on thumbscrews, and the other geezer in ol' Iron Maiden.

Torture Minion: Yes, Master. _[motions two other TMs to help him and attends to his tasks]_

Torture Master: _[turning back to Izzy]_ Now, my pretty, let's see how well you fare against these. _[indicates a pair of gloves with cruel claw-like spikes]_

Eragon: They're going to put her through _that?_

Will: Oh, the humanity!_ [faints – again]_

Arya: _[catches Will and starts muttering in the Ancient Language]_

Alyss: Oh no you don't, you _[calls Arya a very nasty name and lunges at her]_

Izzy: _[about the clawed gloves]_ Ooh, those look like fun!

Eragon: _[goggles at Izzy before he faints. No one bothers to catch _him_]_

Torture Master: _[bangs his head against the nearby wall in exasperation]_

**Back with Wolf and Sunda...**

Sunda: _[trips over a tree root – not a root of the tree that's chasing her and Wolf, just some random root from a random __tree]_ Holy crap, Izzy is beyond emo! _[scrabbles to her feet]_

Wolf: _[makes sure to jump over the tree root]_ No kidding!

Sunda: I GOT IT!

Wolf: _[trips over his own feet in surprise]_ Jeesh, warn a guy! _[scrambles up]_

Sunda: Sorry, but I just figured out how to get that tree off out trail!

Wolf: How?

Sunda: _[slides to a stop and turns to face the tree]_ Oh, please don't let this kill me. _[raises her hands]_ STOP!

Tree: _[keeps running – well, what other verb would work here?]_

Sunda: Well, it was worth a shot. LETTA!

Tree: _[slows, but doesn't stop]_

Sunda: Oh, come ON! In the name of the Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate, I command you to stop!

Tree: _[stops and resumes its normal appearance]_

Sunda: _[lowers her hands]_ Well, that was easier than I expected. _[collapses onto the ground]_

Wolf (who had run ahead because he didn't know what Sunda was doing): _[runs back]_ What did you do?

Sunda: _[as she pushes herself into a sitting position]_ Well, let's see. _[ticks things off her fingers as she comes to them]_ I proved that the Ancient Language is not infallible, stopped a rampaging tree by invoking a council that doesn't exist, and managed to nearly kill myself with all the power I put into trying to stop said rampaging tree. Oh, and I also turned more translucent than opaque – as you can see.

Wolf: Do you have a death wish?

Sunda: No, I was trying to save our sorry butts. There's a difference.

Wolf: Ah. Right. I see.

Sunda: You need to work on your delivery if you want me to believe that.

Wolf: I'll do that.

Sunda: _[stares into space]_ I just got a brilliant idea.

Wolf: You're so modest.

Sunda: _[smacks Wolf – which doesn't have much effect – without taking her gaze away from empty space]_ Shut up. It is brilliant. And you'll agree.

Wolf: Well, what is it?

Sunda: There's a lot of random energy floating around this forest. That's what's been slowing us down – manifestations of all that energy. So if one of us can harness that energy and put it in something, I could use that as a power source!

Wolf: _[is silent for a moment]_ That is brilliant. Which one of us will do that?

Sunda: Well, I'm too weak to do more than sense it, unfortunately.

Wolf: Well, I can't sense it, but if I could I could probably harness it.

Sunda: So we'll have to combine those abilities.

Wolf: Yup.

Sunda: Well, then, get down here. _[Wolf sits cross-legged in front of Sunda]_ Okay, how about if we let the folks at home check in on everyone else while we do this?

Wolf: You just don't want to write it.

Sunda: Guilty.

**Meanwhile, in the torture chamber...**

Torture Master: _[is cursing Izzy, who has made not a sound since she squeed about the claw-gloves]_

Will: _[who has woken up, but has his eyes closed]_ Sounds like he hasn't made any progress. Arya, please let go of my hand.

Arya: _[gives a princess pout – which is totally lost on Will, since his eyes are closed]_ But I want to hold your hand!

Will: Yes, but you see, the thing is, it's _my_ hand. So _I'm_ the boss of it.

Arya: _[pouts again but withdraws her hand]_

Eragon (who has joined Angela in the emo corner): Arya?

Arya: What?

Eragon: You can hold my hand. _[extends said appendage]_

Arya: Ew, no! Your hand is all...icky and...and...AND YOU'RE A MUTT! I DON'T WANNA HOLD HANDS WITH A MUTT!

Eragon: _[snatches his hand back and goes back to crying with Angela about unrequited love]_

Oromis: _[lifts his hands from Murty, who he has been healing]_ There, is that better?

Murty: _[weakly]_ I am never tanning or eating French fries ever again.

Oromis: There are no French fries in Alagaësia.

Murty: Oh, yes there are. They're just not called French fries.

Oromis: Whatever you say, Murtagh. Whatever you say.

Murty: _[glares at Oromis]_ You don't have to talk to me like I'm dying. _[suddenly worried]_ I'm not dying, am I?

Oromis: Have ye so little faith in my healing abilities?

Murty: Yeah. When you talk like that, I do.

Oromis: _[sticks his tongue out at Murty]_ You're not dying.

Murty: Oh, good. Cause dying would really suck.

Oromis: Ah, the wisdom of the young...

Murty: You're lucky I'm too weak to punish you for that.

Oromis: You're starting to sound suspiciously like Sunda.

Murty: _[in a perfect Izzy imitation]_ Meh, whatever.

**In the Forest Random...**

Wolf: _[straightens up from the leaf he has been hunched over]_ Done!

Sunda: Ah, yes, I feel much better now! _[stands and stretches]_ Thanks.

Wolf: No problem. _[gets up and hands her the leaf]_

Sunda: _[takes leaf and suddenly becomes a shadow]_ Now, we just need to-

Wolf: _[interrupting]_ Um, Sunda?

Sunda: Yes?

Wolf: You're a shadow.

Sunda: _[looks down at her shadowy form]_ So I am. So I am.

Wolf: But why?

Sunda: Maybe it's a delayed reaction to my attempt at going shadow when we were being hauled off to the Chasm of Death?

Wolf: Maybe. Can you change back now? It's creepy talking to a shadow.

Sunda: Only because I'm such a nice person.

Wolf: _[snorts]_

Sunda: _[reverts to her physical form and smacks Wolf]_ Now let's get out of here, shall we?

Wolf: _[rubbing his arm where Sunda smacked him]_ Yes, let's. Which way is the torture chamber?

Sunda: A little west of nor'nor'east.

Wolf: In English?

Sunda: A little west of north-northeast. The direction we've been heading.

Wolf: How do you know that?

Sunda: The leaf told me. _[tucks said leaf into her pocket and starts picking other leaves off the trees as she walks]_

Wolf: _[shakes his head briefly and follows]_ Eight chapters and I still don't understand women.

Sunda: Nine.

Wolf: Huh?

Sunda: This is chapter nine.

Wolf: Fine, then. Nine chapters and I still don't understand women. Especially you.

Sunda: That's good. Because if you understood women, your brain would explode. And if you understood me, you would just disintegrate.

Wolf: Well, then, I'm glad I don't understand!

Sunda: Excellent.

Wolf: There should be a song here somewhere. One that describes the drama of saving your life.

Sunda: I owe you for that, by the way. And there is. Well, not a whole song – at least not that I can think of – but part of a song.

Wolf: Really? What?

Sunda: _[speaking, not singing]_ Bid my blood to run/Before I come undone/Save me from the nothing I've become.

Wolf: Yup, that sounds about right. You know, considering you were looking pretty transparent by the time you got the leaf.

Sunda: That's what I thought. Just pray you never have to go through that.

Wolf: Believe me, I will. What song was that?

Sunda: Bring Me to Life.

Wolf: Very appropriate.

Sunda: Yup.

**In the torture chamber...**

Torture Master: *(^% you, doesn't that hurt?

Izzy: _[is being subjected to as many torture methods as is possible to be applied to one person at one time]_ No. Actually, it almost feels good...Could you maybe do something else? This is getting boring.

Torture Master: _[screams louder and with more frustrated anguish than Murty did when Horace was being obtuse regarding magic on CWHACMR]_

Gilan: _[who is back from the oil and looking rather crispy, despite Oromis' healing]_ Well, at least he's not bothering us.

Halt: _[who is back from the thumbscrews and still sucking on his thumbs (no, not like a baby! Think about it – the pain is worse than when you slam your finger in a vehicle door. Don't you want to suck your finger then? Anyway, enough narration!)]_ Yeah, but I didn't think even an elfin emo could withstand that much torture...

Crowley: _[who is – obviously – back from the Iron Maiden]_ _[gestures to Oromis]_

Oromis: _[who is – you know what, I quit! I'm going to see if Wolf's old narrator found a job that two can share! This author is stupid! She doesn't explain anything in its proper place! *narrator storms out in a huff*_

_Umm, hi. I'm your new narrator. I don't know why the old one got so upset...anyway, Oromis is healing __Crowley, who is poked full of holes. Oh, and his tongue got cut out because he wouldn't stop berating the Torture Minions – hence why Oromis is speaking for him]_ Crowley wants me to tell you that he says that emos can do anything. They have supernatural powers. And that's just the mortal ones.

Arya: _[glances at Izzy]_ Go, emo mom.

Alyss: She's your _mother?_

Arya: _[nods]_

Alyss: So you're a _princess?_

Arya: Yup.

Will: But you don't even have the same last name!

Arya: Elves don't have last names. "Dröttning" means "queen" in the tongue of my people; likewise, "Dröttningu" means "princess." Adjectives are placed after the nouns they describe, so when the mutt _[jerks her head at Eragon, who falls to new depths of emo-ness]_ introduced us, he used our titles, knowing that they would seem like last names to you. That is, if he's even capable of such devious thinking.

Eragon: _[sobs]_ Why do you do this to me? WHY?

Arya: Because I don't like you.

Will: And I still don't like you. I don't date princesses.

Alyss: But what about-

Will: I never dated her!

Halt: Now, now, children. No bickering.

_[Will and Alyss are saved from replying by the Torture Master, who unleashes a new string of very creative and colorful curses on Izzy, who is obviously unfazed]_

Izzy: _[yawns]_ Bo-ring. Can't we do something like...oh, I don't know...share our depressing poetry?

Torture Master: I DON'T HAVE ANY _[censored]_ DEPRESSING POETRY!

Izzy: Well, fine. Be that way.

Torture Master:! ___[sits on the floor and begins gibbering]_

Izzy: Meh, whatever.

Will: Can I open my eyes now?

Gilan: Yes, all the minions are staring at their insane master.

Torture Minion #7_:____ [walks over to the group]_ Well, I guess you guys are free to go. ___[releases them]_

Halt: ___[pulls his thumbs out of his mouth long enough to celebrate]_

Crowley:___ [whose tongue has been restored]_ YES!

Izzy: _[pouts]_ But we were just starting to have fun!

Arya: Mom, shut up. [releases Izzy]

Will: Hey...why couldn't you magical guys have just...you know...magicked us out of here?

Horace: Because magic doesn't exist, Will.

Crowley: Hello! I have a tongue again! I think that's pretty conclusive proof. And Murty and Gil are still alive. You know that if we were in Araluen they'd've been deep-fried to death.

Horace: Well, I-

___[Whatever he is about to say is interrupted by the far wall of the chamber exploding. Voices are heard in the silence that follows]_

Wolf: I think you're enjoying your return to power just a _little_ too much.

Sunda: Nah, I'm just destructive.

Alyss: Wolf? Sunda?

Sunda:___ [leaps dramatically through the curtain of dust and strikes a heroic pose atop the rubble of the wall]_ We are here to save you!

Wolf:_ [walks normally through the dust, picking his way through the rubble]_ Though it looks like you don't need it.

Oromis: Well, the Torture Master finally lost it after Izzy kept being all "Meh, whatever" about the torture.

Wolf: I see.

Sunda:___ [drops her heroic pose and whines]_ But I wanted to save the day!

Wolf: Tough cookies. Let's go.

___[Everyone starts going out through the hole where Wolf and Sunda blasted in. Angela and Eragon have to be dragged out of the emo corner]_

Sunda: WAIT!

___[Everyone does so and turns to look at her – except for Angela and Eragon, who are simply staring into space]_

Sunda: I did what needed done. My chapter is over. It's your turn now, Wolf.

_Wolf:____[groans]_ Do I have to? This is twelve freakin' pages long! There's no way I can top that!

Sunda: Oh, I'm sure you can. But you don't have to just yet if you don't want to. Just write the next chapter.

Wolf: Fine.

* * *

**A/N: I don't own the song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence. It is going through my head, though...**

**And yes, this really was twelve pages long in Word. Not counting the author's notes, it's 2919 words long. Yeah, I was on a roll. *dances***


	10. Cars are people too!

**I admit it, you're cute! Epic Sokka moment! Sokka being from Avatar: The Last Airbender.**

**The reason I said that was because this instalment is dedicated to the great loss of Sokka's Space Sword. May you live happily and free where ever you are O' majestic space sword. **

* * *

Wolf: Ok! My turn! My turn... yeah...

Will: _[Kicking Wolf in the shin] _Ellipse this thing up one more time and I swear I'll—

_[He was interrupted by a cry from the other side of the Cavern of Torture]_

Arya: Oooooooh Willums! Maybe you could help me pick out a _new_ _mattress...?_

Will: Kill me! Kill me now!

Sunda: Hey Willums?

Will: Don't call me that!

Sunda: Can I call you an Oompa Loompa?

Will: _[Blinks his eyes a fair few times] _Wha? No!

Eragon: _[Turning around and trying to be social again] _That's a spunktastic name!

Sunda: _[Turns around and kicks her diabolical knee right between his eyes]_ BOOM! Head shot!

Arya: **PUNISH THE MUTT! PUNISH HIM!**

_[Everyone turns to look at her]_

Arya: Umm, I meant to say, uhh, Punish the Mutt with another adventure?

Eragon: _[Still rolling around groggily] _Yeah, no you didn't.

Sunda: Silence Mutt! _[She knees him between the eyes again and raises her hands in an AC/DC salute] _KILL STREAK!

Wolf: Now gather around children and we'll head off to the Ocean!

Halt: Finally movement!

Wolf: By means of magic!

Murty: Yeah! Magic!

Horace: So in other words we're gunna sit here, twiddling our thumbs until one of us dies of old age because as we all know, Magic. Doesn't. Exist.

Wolf: Well actually I was going to say that by means of Magic I was going to conjure a comfy car. _[He clicks his fingers and a small car with five seats appears] _ And then Sunda and I are going to take the front two seats while the rest of you share the back three seats.

Oromis: What?

Izzy: _[Half heartedly] _Hooray.

_[So all of the peeps and peoples-minus Wolf and Sunda-crammed into the back seat]_

Gilan (at the bottom of the flailing arms and legs): I can't breathe! And those people from Sunda's Alex Rider story 'A hyper eagle is a very scary thing' thought they were cramped!

Eragon: I think I swallowed somebody's arm.

Arya: _[Screaming] _**THE MUTT HAS MY ARM! THE MUTT HAS MY ARM!**

_[Everyone launches into a mass panic as Arya climbed over the suffocating bodies to sit next to Will] _

Wolf: _[Starting the engine and bleeping the horn] _**NEXT STOP, 'THE ALLITERATION AREA'!**

Sunda: Why 'The Alliteration Area'?

Wolf: Well according to this map that's been drawn with crayons and has the signature _little Billy, _'The Alliteration Area' is a shortcut through The Forest Random and out onto The Purple Cliffs of _Pover_ty and Despair.

Sunda: Ah. Logical.

Wolf: _[Raises one eyebrow]_

Sunda: Cut it out Spock.

Wolf: _[Mumbling] _I never even watched the show...

Murty: Wanna watch the road anytime soon?

_[Wolf and Sunda stopped playing a game of patty cake and looked up at him in surprise]_

Wolf: _[With a dreamy expression on his face] _Why watch the road when you can ffffflllllyyyy!

_[As he said it everyone looked up and saw that there was no land to be seen and that the car was twisting around and around and around - almost in a state of carefree catalepsy- with Sunda doing some form of Riverdance outside on the bonnet, despite having been inside just two seconds before.]_

Will: This is amazing! How are we flying in a car?

Murty: Clearly it is the work of magic.

Horace: No Murtagh. That's stupid.

Murty _[Stomping his foot into someone's nether regions and pouting] _Nu uh. Magic! Just ask Wolf, right Wolf?

Wolf: No Murty, I was playing patty cake and drove off a cliff. _[He pointed out the window to the ground which was approaching at extreme speeds. Izzy was already tying herself to the bumper and Sunda was back into the car with an epic expression on her face.]_

Sunda: Flopadoodle Crambo! You hold no fear for me O' mortal ground!

Wolf: _[Nodding approvingly] _That is a good outlook to have on life.

Izzy: This is going to be quite fun.

Everybody else: _[Repetitive swearing]_

_[With the ground fast approaching everyone bar Izzy, Wolf and Sunda close their eyes and begin to pray and-in the elves case-start to consider the possibility of an Evil God. Then the car smashed Izzy first into the ground]_

Izzy: That was Ok. I guess.

Arya: _[Swiftly recovering from their near death experience] _I am so glad we survived that! _[Then hugging up to Will] _You were sooooo brave Willums!

Will: _[Wriggling uncomfortably in soaking wet clothes]_ Help me!

Alyss: Hands off elf! _[She launched into Arya and they are both fired from the car's wreckage] _

Sunda: _[Speaking into a plane PA system thing] _This is your co-pilot speaking, please note that the seatbelt sign is not turned off and that the flight has not yet ended. Please remain fastened into your seat until the Captain turns off the seatbelt sign. Thank you. _[She puts the PA system thing back down]_

Horace:  Why aren't we allowed to get out yet?

Alyss: _[Climbing back into the car with Arya] _Well, you know them, probably some stupid _make believe you're in a plane thingamajig. _

Eragon: Yeah, they're pretty stupid. _[Eragon said trying to regain favour]_

Everyone: _[Looks at him like they know what he's trying to do and he's not wanted] _

Eragon: _[Starts to cry]_

Halt: Can we leave now?

Wolf: Didn't you just here your co-pilot? Not until the flight has finished.

Gilan: What do you—oh no.

Oromis: What? What?

_[They begin to tip off of a second cliff]_

Sunda et Wolf: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man...

_[As the car fell over the cliff everyone started to squeal in varying degrees of girliness]_

Sunda: _[Turning back to her passengers with a smile on her face] _You know what would cheer you up? A good old song!

Crowley: Please o' great ranger in the sky, if you could smite me down right now that would be great!

Sunda: _[Snapping her fingers all magical like] _

Crowley: _[Crying as Sunda's magic forces him to sing] _

Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Sweet little bumble bee  
I know what you want from me

Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Alyss: 

Sweet little bumble bee  
More than just a fantasy  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

My heart skips a beat  
When you walk in the room  
I go boom, boom, boom  
You go zoom, zoom, zoom  
You're my playboy, playtoy  
Love you, my friend  
I wanna be with you until the end

Eragon: _[Pretending not to like the song]_

I give my heart and my soul to you  
To make you see it's true  
I'm so confused, baby, can't you see?  
Please come rescue me

Arya: _[Looking to Will for help]_

Sweet little bumble bee  
I know what you want from me  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Sweet little bumble bee  
More than just a fantasy  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Will: _[Happy at Arya's despair until he also joins in]_

I started to cry  
When you walked out that door  
You go bye, bye, bye  
I go why, why, why  
I'm so lonely and only  
Waiting for you  
To come back and tell me  
I love you

I give my heart and my soul to you  
To make you see it's true  
I'm so confused, baby, can't you see?  
Please come rescue me

Halt: 

Sweet little bumble bee  
I know what you want from me  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Sweet little bumble bee  
More than just a fantasy  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Gilan: 

Sweet little bumble bee  
I know what you want from me  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Sweet little bumble bee  
More than just a fantasy  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

Everyone: 

Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Oh-o-o-oa, oh-o-o-o  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

_[Suddenly the car smashed into the ground]_

Car: Why? Why would you do this to me?

Wolf: _[Stepping out of the car] _Because cars aren't people.

Car: _[Gasping] _That's racist! You sir are a racist!

Wolf: Like anyone's going to listen to a car. Cars don't talk. Car's only drive.

_[As Wolf continued to argue with a car Sunda went over to a tunnel with a sign next to it reading:_**'THE ALLITERATION AREA. ARDOUS AS AN ALLITERATION AREA APPEARS, AN ADVENTURE APPARENTLY APPEALS ACCORDINGLY. APPROACH ATTENTIVELY.**_]_

Sunda: Hey Wolf!

Wolf: Yeah?

Sunda: I found the entrance!

Wolf: How do you know?

Sunda: _[She read back the sign]_

Wolf: Ok, that's the entrance. Come on kids! _[He starts to herd everyone into the tunnel]_

Oromis: Why do you keep calling us that?

Wolf: Because I'm older than you.

Oromis: No you're not. I'm over a millennium years of age.

Wolf: Correction. You're as old as I make you.

Oromis: That's ridiculous! You can't change my—

_[With a cloud of purple smoke Oromis turned into a babbling baby]_

Wolf: Now does anyone else dispute the fact that I am in fact your parent for the duration of this trip and that I am in fact, older than you? _[He looked at the huddling group with a fierce look on his face]_

Good. Now, Arya pick baby Oromis up and put him in the pram _[__Once again, an England/English to American/English translation: Pram = Stroller]_. It'll prepare you for when you and Will are parents of your own.

_[Arya scrambles at the opportunity for learning] _

Sunda: _[As everyone arrives] _The Alliteration Area is situated just underneath The Forest Random and is-_according_ _to this tourist guide_—the home to The Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate (or ZCWC for short). If you have even the slightest desire to escape The Alliteration Area alive then go nowhere near The Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate.

Park Ranger: **FREEZE!** Articwolfstudios and Dautr abr du Sundavar you are hereby under arrest for the attempted destruction of The Forest Random. You and your accomplices will be tried in the centre of The Alliteration Area, better known as... The Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate!

Everyone: O.O

Sunda: Yeah, that's all nice and good and happened before but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on that. _[She ran at him attempting to slam her knee into his forehead like she had for Eragon but was knocked back by a sudden flare of Darkness.]_

Sunda: What the he—

Mysterious silhouette: **NO PROFANITY!**

Halt: Ah bum baskets.

_[Then-very dramatically- The Profanity Sheep wheeled his way through a cloud of dust that had appeared out of nowhere.]_

Profanity Sheep: You put me in this wheelchair Sunda and I'll see you tried for that as well as The attempted destruction of The Forest Random!

Sunda: Like I said to Cap'n P, **WE ARE INNOCENT!**

Wolf: But not the kids! We are innocent, but the kids sure as hell aren't! Take them down boys.

_[Everyone simply stands there looking at Wolf and Sunda who are grinning hopelessly]_

Eragon: You know, you two are the reason I have to go to therapy.

_[Instantaneously a sphere of Darkness came into being, surrounding and trapping our brave and underwear wetting heroes] _

Park Ranger: Now we shall go deep into the Alliteration Area!

_[As he said it the Dark bubble moved in the direction he was walking]_

Gilan: So you're some kind of ranger, huh?

Park Ranger: Yes and I see you are not.

Crowley: _[Stepping in] _Excuse me? Us four _[gesturing to Halt, Gilan, Will and himself] _are The King's Rangers and you shall address us with the proper respect that our position holds.

Park Ranger: What, a waist height layer of urine?

Halt: No! That's stupid. You sir are stupid!

Park Ranger: _[Shrugging] _Even so. _[He turned to Will] _Boo.

Will: **AHHHHHHHHHH!**

_[Slowly the level of urine rises above everyone's kneecaps and eventually it hits everyone's waists.]_

Will: I'm sorry everyone *sniff* I've got a bladder control problem.

Arya: I accept you for who you are Willums and that's all that matters.

Will: **AHH!** Help me!

Wolf: Well that was cheesy.

Arya: Marriage is cheesy.

Alyss: Time to end it here! _[She brings out a long curved knife and brandishes it at Arya's knife]_

_[The Park Ranger frowns and another Darkness barrier appears between them leaving Will on Alyss side]_

Will: Yay!

Arya: No Willums! I'll save you...

Wolf: ...Somehow...

Arya: I guess I'll have to distract myself from the thought of Alyss _[cringes] _covering Will in her kisses. Let's take a look at the Alliteration Area then...

_[Looking out of the somehow transparent Dark energy she sees these odd Alliterations:]_

_Some short, strange, seductive singers saucily sauntering somewhere. Bouncing babies bound between bachelors before boycotting Britain's businesses. UFOs ultimately up-end upon Uranium uproariously. Preventive Pickles prancing past people peeling pinecones (post-pointing provocatively). Weeping wolves waver wherever Wolf would watch __[Much to Wolf's great sadness]__ while wise Wizards wink wonderfully whenever willows wilt with weather's weight. _

_[Needless to say there was a lot of limited stuff going on in The Alliteration area, but they were nearly stopped when an Angry, accented American arranged an assault atop an area approximately another alliteration away. Away of course from their destination and it is usually accounted for an author's laziness not to finish that sentence but I just CAN'T think of anything else so get lost. You know what? I can't handle another alliteration! I'm gunna go find those other narrator's and find if they can point me towards a new job. This one SUCKS!]_

_[Ahem, hi I'm the new narrator; I can't imagine why all the other ones left but let's get this going shall we? Eventually they reached The Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate]_

Park Ranger: Everybody off! We are within the borders of The Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate. While you are within these borders—or in a bubble of dark energy created by our gracious and mighty Council leader—you will not be affected by The Alliteration Amoeba.

Wolf: What's this amoeba?

Park Ranger: As soon as you enter The Alliteration Area a parasite known as The Alliteration Amoeba begins to affect you so that you can only speak and act in alliteration. Whatever the first letter of your name is, that will be the first letter of every word that you will speak in there-that or the first letter of your species if you haven't been named on-screen. Pretty weird, huh? All those creatures that you saw out there accidentally stumbled in The Alliteration Area and cannot find the way out. It is a horrible fate.

Halt: Damn, that means no es—

Profanity Sheep: **NO PROFANITY!**

Halt: _[wincing] _Oh yeah, I forgot you came back.

Profanity Sheep: **SUNDA PUT ME IN THIS CHAIR BY SAYING SOME VERY NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY WORDS! SHE WILL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!**

Sunda: I disbelieve you.

Profanity Sheep: You won't soon...

Wolf: Hey! That's my job! Nobody ellipses but **ME!**

Profanity Sheep: Whatever.

_[After about a minute of walking and angry staring from The Profanity Sheep they eventually end up in The Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate] _

Creepy church bells: Dooooooong... Doooooooooong... Doooooooooong. Dooooooooooooong.

Creepy looking bats: _[Flutter their wings and take off]_

Creepy graves on either side: _[Yeah they kinda just... stay there]_

Hooded Undertaker:  _[In a creepy voice]_ You have been brought here to face trial for your crimes of Attem—

_[Suddenly someone's phone went off] _

Phone: _[Playing one of the crazy frog songs] _

_R-Ding-Ding-Di-Ding-Di-Di-Di-Ding-Ding_  
_Bop-Bo-Bop-Bo-Bop-Bop-Booop-Bop-Bop-Bob_  
_Be-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Brrim-Brram_  
_Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba_  
_WEEEE—_

Wolf: Ooh, so sorry to interrupt your creepy little speech there but I got a call from Steve.

_[Now on the phone]_

He- hey Steve! No—no, I, I can talk. _[Speaking in a very loud voice that is completely unacceptable for the mood] _Ya... ya I, yeah I saw the movie, wha—No, no I didn't see the commentary... _because _it's out at the cinema you dope.

Profanity Sheep: **NO PROFANITY!**

Wolf: Yeah, yeah whatever... No I can't come over right now... _because_ I'm trying to not be executed for the attempt of destroying the Forest Random _duh. _No I haven't been drinking, look... look I have to get back to this... OMG I do not always hang up like this on you. Jeez you need to calm down, by—by—**GOODBYE!** Just hang up! Bye.

_[Coming back to his surroundings]_

Yeah that guy never lets me put the phone down, really annoying. Anyway where were we?

Park Ranger: _[Rubbing his forehead angrily] _Let's just get this over with.

_[And so they walked in to The Council with an air of dismay and the fact that they would never reach The Talisman of Roxerness. For Sunda she was just upset that Wolf never gave her, her Ice Cream. But for Arya, she was distressed that she had never gotten married to Will. Before a single word was spoken everyone was tied kneeling down to the floor.]_

Park Ranger: _[Gesturing round a room that resembled a court house except all the platforms were much higher up and resembled the Wizengamot from Harry Potter]_ We have gathered those who have opposed The Crossover World's way of life as you have asked us O' great leaders. Please come before us so that you may judge them in the means of their punishment.

_[Slowly a gust of wind started up from no source at all, it continued to blow—gathering in strength—until it whisked up a gale that blew the sandy floor into the eyes of those assembled forcing them to blink. As soon as they did the wind died down and they could see four council members and one witness already in his box.]_

_*Silent silence*_

_[In front of the perpetrators sat four councillors—their rank clearly shown by the size of their chair. In a large chair however was a very small, completely dark pickle.]_

Councillor #1: Speak Ranger who has assembled us all. _[The councillor who spoke was a twelve foot teddy bear with a love heart on each hand but had a deep booming voice and a name tag that said Peanut butter.]_

Park Ranger: Of course Councillor Peanut Butter. This group is accused of attempting to destroy The Forest Random through the absorption of Power. The effect has been the death of multiple animals that have lived there. It has also been killing off the trees which are a huge part of life for The Crossover World. The two directly responsible are Dautr abr du Sundavar, the one who absorbed the power and Articwolfstudios who channelled the power into her under her instruction. The others merely aided and abetted them in their conquest for complete and total crossover world domination.

Councillor #3: _[a fierce looking butterfly asked the two directly responsible] _And how do you plead?

Wolf: Innocent.

Sunda: Guilty as charged.

_[They both look at each other in surprise]_

Sunda: I'm only surprised because you've beaten my last chapter's length and are still writing instead of handing it on over to me.

Wolf: Yeah, I've got a couple of plans I want to put in here before stopping.

All the councillors but the fourth: What do you mean you have plans?

Wolf: I mean I control exactly what happens here. I did, you know, create everything in The Crossover World (bar The Forest Random).

Councillor Butterfly: So you can basically burst out of here right now?

Wolf: That's right!

Councillor #2: Then why not?

Wolf: Because this is funner Councillor Beer bottle.

Councillor Beer Bottle: Ah I see, carry on then.

Sunda: Singing Avril Lavigne?

Councillor Beer Bottle: Wait, what?

Sunda: Hey, hey! You, you! I don't like your girlfriend! Hey, hey! You, you! I think you need a new one! Hey, hey! You, you! I can be your girlfr—

_[She was interrupted from saying anymore as The Park Ranger went up and slapped her across the face.]_

Sunda: _[Shocked] _How dare you! That's my job!

_[She struggled in vain against her shackles]_

Mysterious fourth Councillor: Enough, release their chains, they cannot escape this place.

_[Suddenly the shackles disappeared and all stood up rubbing their wrists]_

Mysterious fourth Councillor: Now I'm sure you all want to know who I am. _[He leans forward onto a beam of light] _I am The Dark Pickle! Master of Illusions and Applesauce covered traps! I was awakened when some fat Battle Cat (that rhymes) landed on me while I was sunbathing at the bottom of The Chasm of Death and when I discovered that it was you Wolf from my old colleague CaptainPicklesin3D I decided that your death must be slow and painful. Isn't that right Captain?

_[As he said it Captain Pickles walked out from behind a chair smiling]_

Captain Pickles: That's right Dark Pickle.

All of The Gathered Enemies: _[Lauging hysterically]_

_

* * *

_

**A/N**

**Ok, don't tell me you saw that coming because you didn't!**

**And I know that this took a lot longer compared to the other chapters but... I BEAT SUNDA'S LAST CHAPTER WOO ME!**

**And now for a bunch of disclaimers:**

**Bumblebee song by Smile (dot) DK  
**

**Crazy frog song is clearly by The Crazy Frog and whatever company that made him.**

**And now out of the disclaimer section.**

**Wolf's words of Wisdom: You never realise how hard writing two hundred words of alliteration is until you've actually done it!**

**Now join hands with anyone you meet-even strangers on the street- and honour the memory of Sokka's space sword and the integrity of Fu fu cuddly poops from that good old Avatar episode: Bitter Work! **

**3,672 words! Can Sunda top it? Because if she does I'll be stressed!**


	11. Darkness and Slapping and Drama, Oh My!

**A/N:****Oh, yes, Wolf. I see how you are. You set up a challenge and pretend that you don't want to see it overcome. WELL I SHALL DO IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

* * *

**

Wolf:_ [in a voice filled with trepidation and topped with betrayal] _Captain Pickles!

Sunda:_ [angrily] _Captain Pickles.

Everyone else (well, not the enemies, of course!): Captain Pickles?

Dark Pickle: Yes, Captain Pickles!

Murty: Who the heck is Captain Pickles?

Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!

Murty: But I wasn't using-

Sunda: Shut up, Murty.

Murty: But-

Sunda: SHUT UP!

Murty:_ [shuts up]_

Sunda:_ [turns to face Captain Pickles]_ Long time no see, eh, Cap'n P? Though, honestly, I can't say I'm sad about that.

Cap'n P: Don't call me that. Your position is precarious enough as it is, Miss Sundavar.

Sunda: Okay, that's just weird.

Cap'n P: What is?

Sunda: You calling me by a part of my title. I mean, Sundavar isn't my last name. It means "Shadows," as the Inheritance peeps and Wolf could tell you. So you just called me Miss Shadows. _[smiles]_ I'm flattered.

Cap'n P:_ [blinks]_ So Dautr abr du Sundavar is your title?

Sunda: Yup.

Halt: I didn't know that! Why didn't I know that? I DON'T LIKE NOT KNOWING THINGS!

Gilan:_ [slaps Halt upside the head]_ Eh, shaddup, ya big baby.

Cap'n P: ANYway...so what's your full name?

Sunda: Yeah, right, like I'd tell you! What if stalkers are reading this? I DON'T WANNA BE STALKED!

Dark Pickle: Oh, really...

Wolf: Hey, you stole my ellipse thing! DIE, FOUL FIEND! _[lunges at Dark Pickle]_

Park Ranger: Oh, no, you don't! _[pushes a button that shoots chains out of the floor, which wrap around Wolf, yank him – painfully – back to the stone floor, and bind him tight]_

Wolf: Hey! What was that for? _[struggles against the chains, to no avail]_

Park Ranger:_ [snorts as an answer]_

Wolf: Well, fine, be mysterious. _[sticks his nose in the air]_

Sunda: I think you've been hanging around me too much.

Wolf: Maybe...

Dark Pickle: So, you two. One of you pleads innocent, the other guilty. Which is it?

Wolf: Innocent.

Sunda: _[at the same time] _Guilty.

_[They look at each other]_

Wolf: Do you _want _all of us to die?

Sunda: No, I _want_ to be honest. Maybe you've heard of the concept, _mon ami?_

Wolf: DID YOU JUST CALL ME WHAT I THINK YOU CALLED ME?

Sunda: Dunno. Depends on what you think I just called you.

Wolf:___ [motions Sunda over to him and whispers to her]_

Sunda:_ [eyes go the approximate size of...well...something very large]_ No! Nonononononononono! Mon ami means "my friend!" F-R-I-E-N-D friend!

Wolf: Phew! Okay! You kinda had me freaked out for a minute there!

Sunda:_ [laughs]_ Yeah, no worries. I do love you, but as a friend.

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: SEMI-FLUFFY MOMENT!_ [cackles and hops_ _over to sit beside the Profanity Sheep]_

Sunda: What, no poofing away?

Crowley: You're losin' your touch, man.

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: I AM NOT! And I wanna stick around to see the outcome of the trial!

Will: You mean you want to see your creator die?

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: NO! I want to see her LIVE! But the wolf...guy...whatever you are _[waves a paw at Wolf]_ can suffer in eternal torment, for all I care.

Wolf: HEY!

Sunda: Ah, wounded male pride.

Wolf: _HEY!_ Why not?

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: Because you were in no way involved in my creation. DUH.

Wolf: _HEY! THAT'S DISCRIMINATION, PAL!_

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness:_ [sticks his tongue out at Wolf]_

Wolf: _**HEY!**_

Sunda: _[ignoring Wolf] _So, Profanity Sheep, you want to see me dead?

Profanity Sheep:_ [glaring and sounding like a six-year-old]_ Yes, I do!

Sunda: But why?

Profanity Sheep: Because you hurt me!

Councillors (except for the Pickles): Le gasp!

Profanity Sheep:_ And_ you're not my real mommy!

Everyone (except Sunda, the Pickles, the Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness, and the Profanity Sheep): Le gaspy gasp!

Horace: H-how so?

Profanity Sheep: I'M NOT TELLING!

Horace:_ [winces] _Sheesh, you don't have to scream it at me. _[turns to Sunda] _Can_ you _tell me how he's adopted?

Sunda: I can.

Horace:_ [after a pause]_ Will you tell me?

Sunda: I will.

Horace:_ [after another pause]_ Well, why aren't you telling me?

Sunda:_ [slaps Horace upside the head] _Because you haven't asked the freaking question, dipwad! _[turning to the Profanity Sheep as he fills his lungs for another reprimand] _Do you want me to freak out on you?

Profanity Sheep: _[in a very small voice]_ No, ma'am.

Sunda: Good. _[turns back to Horace, who is rubbing his head]_ Now, I believe you had a question?

Horace: Um, yeah...how is the Profanity Sheep adopted?

Sunda: _[slaps him upside the head – again] _Didn't you read the end author's note for chapter five?

Horace: Uh...no.

Sunda: _[slaps him across the face] _WHY NOT?

Horace:_ [cowering]_ Because I was too busy watching you and Wolf fight about the puke suit picture?

Sunda: _[her face threatens near-divine retribution]_ Well, then. _[suddenly brightens]_ Okay. _[skips to __stand in front of the Pickles]_

Horace: _[blinks and gets fistbumped into the I-Will-Never-Understand-Women Club]_

Sunda: Sooooooo, Dark Pickle.

Dark Pickle: Yes?

Sunda:_ [cocks her head to the side, imitating an innocent, wide-eyed four-year-old. A chibi innocent, wide-eyed four-year-old. Oh yeah.]_ When are you going to start the trial?

Dark Pickle: When the _utter stupidity _ends.

Sunda:_ [raises an eyebrow]_ Then you're gonna be waitin' a loooooooooooong time.

Dark Pickle: And why is that?

Sunda: Will and the Mutt are alive. The stupidity shall never stop. And before you get any ideas, you can't kill anyone until _after_ the trial. And only if they're found guilty.

Dark Pickle: Says who?

Sunda: Says me, that's who.

Dark Pickle:_ [laughs uproariously, drawing all attention to him]_ And who are you to order me about, little girl?

Sunda: _[scowls ferociously]_

Wolf:_ [quietly]_ You shouldn't've done that...

Sunda: _ [her face promises divine retribution] [in a solemn and ominous voice] _I am the one who holds the power of the Forest Random. I am the one who brought the book characters here. I am the one who fought the powerful Articwolfstudios into submission. I am the weirdo who did something cool. I am the author of this chapter. I am the one who ate six point five six one six seven nine eight feet of solid rock in a matter of seconds. _I am..._**_Dautr abr du Sundavar! _**_[flings hands up dramatically and causes the chamber to plunge into total darkness]_

Various people:_ [scream like so many little girls]_

Gilan's voice: Hey, Halt! You scream like a girl too! It's not just Crowley!

Halt's voice: You're lucky I can't see you, boy...

Sunda's voice: _[somberly] _Does that answer your question, Dark Pickle?

Dark Pickle's voice: Yes. Yes it does. Could you turn the lights back on now? I want everyone to be able to see your death, when – not if – it comes.

Sunda: _[sarcastically] _Yes, Your Pickleness. _[shadows melt away]_

Dark Pickle:_ [as the light returns]_ You are powerful, Dautr abr du Sundavar. But are you always this way?

Sunda: What way?

Dark Pickle: Melodramatic, temperamental, and sarcastic.

All the defendants in unison: Yup.

Dark Pickle: Fair enough. Let the trial begin!

_[There is a bright flash of light. When it fades, the defendants are strapped to chairs arranged in a semicircle, with Sunda and Wolf – as the primary accused – directly in front of the Pickles.]_

Crowley: Impressive.

Murty: So, Horace, how'd he do that?

Horace: Hypnosis and blunt-force head trauma. Not necessarily in that order.

Murty: _[groans]_

Will: I gotta-

Angela: Don't even think about it.

Will: Too late. _[the floor beneath Will's chair becomes wet]_

Angela: Ew.

Oromis: ___[gurgles]_

Dark Pickle: Shut up, all of you.

Sunda: Why?

Park Ranger: ___[slaps her across the face and imitates that one guy from Pirates of the Caribbean]_ You speak when spoken to!

Wolf: ___[imitating Barbossa from the same movie]_ And ye'll not lay a hand on those under the protection of parley!

Park Ranger: ___[no longer imitating]_ What parley? This is your trial!

Wolf:___ [likewise]_ Exactly.

Park Ranger: O.O ___[scoots away]_

Dark Pickle: Dautr abr du Sundavar.

Sunda: Yeeeeeeeeees?

Dark Pickle: You are hereby charged with absorbing the Power of the Forest Random, which led directly to the deaths of multiple animals and many trees – including the ones who attempted to bar your passage. Said absorption was undertaken merely to save your pathetic life. How do you plead?

Sunda: I plead that you not call my life pathetic.

Park Ranger:___ [slaps Sunda across the face]_

Dark Pickle: How do you plead?

Sunda: I admit that I'm guilty of absorbing the power of the Forest Random in order to save my life. However-

Dark Pickle: Very good. Articwolfstudios, you are charged with channeling the Power of the Forest Random into a leaf with the intention that said leaf would become the new source of Dautr abr du Sundavar's dark powers. How do you plead?

Wolf: Not guilty.

Sunda: ___[under her breath, singing]_ Show me how to lie  
You're getting better all the time

Park Ranger: _[slaps her again]_ SHUT UP!

Sunda: _[ignoring him]_ And turning all against one  
Is an art that's hard to teach  
Halt: _[joins in singing – and glares daggers at Sunda]_ Another clever word  
Sets off an unsuspecting herd  
And as you step back into line  
A mob jumps to their feet  
Arya: Now dance  
Man, I never had a chance  
And no one even knew  
It was really only you  
Angela: And now you steal away  
Take 'im out today_  
_Nice work you did  
You're gonna go far kid  
All singers together: With a thousand lies  
And a good disguise  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
When you walk away  
Nothing more to say  
See the lightning in your eyes  
See 'em running  
For their lives  
Eragon: Slowly outta line  
And drifting closer in your sights  
So play it out I'm wide awake  
It's a scene about me  
Murty: There's something in your way  
And now someone is gonna pay  
And if you can't get what you want  
Well it's all because of me  
Horace: Now dance  
Man, I never had a chance  
And no one even knew  
It was really only you  
Will: And now you lead the way  
Show the light of day  
Nice work you did  
You're gonna go far kid  
(Trust deceived)  
All singers in unison: With a thousand lies  
And a good disguise  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
When you walk away  
Nothing more to say  
See the lightning in your eyes  
See 'em running  
For their lives  
Izzy: Now dance  
He never had a chance  
And no one even knew  
It was really only you  
Crowley: So dance  
I never had a chance  
It was really only you  
All defendants (except Oromis, who just kinda babbles): With a thousand lies  
And a good disguise  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
When you walk away  
Nothing more to say  
See the lightning in your eyes  
See 'em running  
For their lives  
Clever alibis  
Lord of the Flies  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
Hit 'im right between the eyes  
When you walk away  
Nothing more to say  
See the lightning in your eyes  
See 'em running  
For their lives

Dark Pickle:___ [blinks]_ Well...encore. Now-

Sunda: Show me how to-

Dark Pickle: NOT LITERALLY!

Sunda: Oh, fine, be that way. You're no fun.

Dark Pickle: Thank you. Now, if we could move on?

Sunda: Well, you're the one holding us up with your unreasonable demands! I mean, first you tell us to shut up – which only ensures that we speak, or at least I do – and then you ask for an encore but don't appreciate it! What is wrong with you?

Cap'n P: Enough of this! Will someone _please_ tape her mouth shut!

Sunda: ¡No haga usted se atreve!

Park Ranger: ___[approaching Sunda with a piece of duct tape]_ Say what?

Sunda: Tun Sie nicht Sie trauen sich!

Park Ranger: Huh?

Sunda: ___[with affected patience]_ Ne delajte Vy smeyete!

Park Ranger: What the heck are you saying, woman?

Sunda: Ekki. Þú. Þora.

Park Ranger: _[looking around helplessly]_ Does anyone know what she's saying?

Councillor Butterfly: I think she's saying the same thing over and over in different languages.

Dark Pickle: Thank you, Councillor Obvious._ [to Sunda]_ Speak English, I command you!

Sunda: Ah, sí? Fes que jo!

Dark Pickle:___ [in a warning voice]_ Now...

Sunda: Oh, fine. But only because you're, you know, the pickle in whose hands my fate appears to rest.

Dark Pickle: Whatever. ___[nods to Park Ranger]_

Sunda:___ [as Park Ranger places tape over her mouth]_ Oh, sure, take away any respect you may have garnered! I hope you-

Cap'n P:___ [as Sunda is cut off]_ Thank you, Park Ranger.

Park Ranger:___ [bows to Cap'n P]_ My pleasure, Captain. ___[grimaces]_ Believe me.

Dark Pickle: Now, where were we – ah, yes. Eragon-who-has-many-last-names – lately known as Mutt – Arya Dröttningu, Oromis-elda – who doesn't really have a last name – Islanzadí Dröttning, Murtagh Morzansson, Angela-who-has-no-last-name, Halt Carrick, Will Treaty, Horace Altman, Alyss Mainwaring, Gilan, and Crowley-who-also-has-no-last-name. You are all charged with aiding and abetting Dautr abr du Sundavar and Articwolfstudios in their foul schemes for Crossover World domination. Choose a representative and answer me this: How do you plead?

___[The chairs of the people named are instantaneously arranged in a huddle. There is a brief, soft discussion.]_

Halt:___ [faces the Dark Pickle]_ We plead not guilty, Your Pickleness.

Dark Pickle:___ [grimly]_ Very well. In that case, let us review the facts, shall we?

Wolf: ___[yawns loudly]_

Dark Pickle: Do you have something to say, Articwolfstudios?

Wolf: Yeah, actually.

Dark Pickle: ___[after a pause]_ Well?

Wolf:___ [starts]_ What? Oh, yeah yeah. Um...BO-RING!

Dark Pickle: And just what do you mean by that?

Wolf: What are you gonna do, persecute us by boring us to death?

Dark Pickle: Well, I-

Wolf: Besides, we need to get this thing moving along. Sunda has nearly beaten her personal record for the number of words in a chapter, and we're still here! And there's still a lot to be done in this chapter! So I'm afraid certain measures are going to have to be taken.

Dark Pickle: ___[obviously amused]_ Such as?

Cap'n P: Be careful, Dark Pickle. I know what he can do. And even Dautr abr du Sundavar admitted that he was powerful.

Dark Pickle: So what? What can a _boy_ possibly do to us, the Zorgamuffin Council of Weirdness and Chocolate?

Wolf:___ [scowls]_

Sunda: ___[makes her best "You shouldn't have done that..." face]_

Wolf: Oh, just you watch. ___[catches Oromis' eye]_

Oromis: Gurgle?

Wolf:___ [makes a face that is scary enough to make Will pee again – oh wait, that's not a very good comparison...hmm...OOH! He makes a face that is scary enough to terrify the hair off of Emo Izzy, who catches a glimpse. Yeah, that's better.]_

Arya: Mom, put your hair back on. PLEASE.

Izzy: I can't. The straps may be loose, but not ___that_ loose.

Arya:___ [groans]_ Again with the emo-ness!

Gilan: ___[faintly]_ Oh, dear Lord...WHAT is that SMELL?

Will: What sm– oh. That smell. _[I think we all know what happens now]_

Halt:___ [gags]_

Dark Pickle: ___[through the hand covering his mouth]_ What just happened?

Wolf: That, my friend, is the power of the Nuclear Diaper Explosion.

Dark Pickle: Release them so that they may save themselves! I want to have the pleasure of killing them myself! _[tries to run away, but is blocked by the council members who have already passed out]_

Park Ranger: ___[releases the closest prisoner – Wolf – and runs away]_

Wolf: Well, it's about time! ___[stands up and claps his hands once]_

___[The stench is suddenly gone]_

Dark Pickle: How did you do that?

Wolf: Magic. DUH.

Dark Pickle: ___[quietly]_ Who are you, to be so powerful and yet so young?

Wolf: ___[smirks]_ I am the one who suggested this story. I am the one who survived a vicious Shadow Hug. I am the one who tied Dautr abr du Sundavar to a cart and lived to tell of it. I am the one who endured the Chasm of Death. I am the one who turned a thousand-plus-year-old elf into an infant. I am the creator of most of the Crossover World. ___I am...____**Articwolfstudios!**____ [raises his hands dramatically and suddenly the captives are released]_

Gilan: Nice!

Murty: It's about time.

Sunda:___ [gestures to her (still taped) mouth, taps her foot, and makes impatient noises]_

Wolf:___ [walks over]_ I dunno, Sunda. I think I might prefer you this way.

Sunda: ___[fixes Wolf with a Shadow Glare of Promised Doom®]_

Wolf: ___[gulps]_ Then again, I rather like living...___[tears the tape off Sunda's mouth]_

Sunda: MARVIN'S UNHOLY FUDGING GUACAMOLE, THAT ___HURT!_

Profanity Sheep:___ [from the floor – he was one of the first to faint]_ No profanity. ___[is more of a moan than anything]_

Sunda: ___[ignoring the Profanity Sheep]_ Thanks for that, by the way.

Wolf: No problem. But-

Dark Pickle: ENOUGH CAMARADERIE!

All former captives: ___[blink] [blink]_

Dark Pickle:___ [peevishly]_ What?

Wolf: Dude. Seriously?

Dark Pickle: Yes. Seriously. Now get back in your chair.

Wolf:___ [raises an eyebrow]_ Riiiiiiiight. Have you learned _nothing_ from the past however long it's been?

Dark Pickle: ___[ominously]_ Now.

Wolf: ___[sighs]_ Don't make me go martial art-y on your-

Sunda: ___[koff]_ Rated K ___[koff]_ American writing ___[koff]_

Wolf: -hiney. ___[makes a face]_ The things I do for friends...

Dark Pickle:___ [scoffs]_ Go ahead, try it. I dare you.

Wolf: As you wish – and I didn't mean that in the Princess Bride way. _[unleashes a flurry of martial arts moves, combining techniques from Ninjutsu, Kyusho jutsu, Judo, Krav maga, Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, Tai Chi, Kickboxing, Jujitsu and fourteen other various martial arts]_

Dark Pickle:___ [lies groaning on the floor]_

Wolf: _[is not even panting]_ I told you so. ___[snaps his fingers all magic-y and the councillors are instantaneously transported and strapped to the chairs]_ Now as I was saying earlier, how are we going to get out of here without being infected by the Alliteration Amoeba? I doubt Dark Pickle will make another force field for us.

Dark Pickle: Got that right. _[sounds like "Gotharigh"]_

Sunda: I'll take care of that. But before I do, there's a couple other things that needs doing.

Wolf: Such as?

Sunda: Such as these, of course. ___[saunters over to the Park Ranger and slaps him across the face harder than if she was his girlfriend and had just discovered him cheating on her. And that's pretty dang hard.]_

Park Ranger:___ [howls in pain through a dislocated jaw]_

Sunda: And now you have experienced the Awesome Shadow Slap (patent pending). Next! ___[goes over to Dark Pickle and punches him in the nose. Or tries to, anyway – her hand passes right through him]_

Sunda: ___[trying to recover her balance]_ What the-

Dark Pickle:___ [laughs evilly from behind the group]_ You forget that I am the Master of Illusions!

Sunda: ___[whirls around]_ Why, you little-_[lunges for Dark Pickle]_

Wolf: No, don't! _[holds her back]_ He could have you chasing thin air! Do you really wanna bother with that?

Sunda:___ [grudgingly]_ I suppose not.

Wolf: Good. Now-

Sunda: But if he was an illusion, how did you beat him up?

Wolf: Uhh...

Dark Pickle:___ [evil laugh]_ Some illusions are solid, my friends.

Wolf:_ [growls]_ Why, you little...

Sunda:___ [warningly] _Wolf...

Wolf: ___[sighs]_ I hate to admit it, but you're right. So how about us getting out of here?

Sunda: ___[sighs also]_ Right, right. Everyone bunch together. Will, get Oromis.

Will: Why me? Why not Emo Izzy?

Sunda: Because I told you to. Do you want to argue with me?

Will: No, ma'am. _[scoops up Oromis and holds him as far away from his nose as possible]_ Ugh, who's on diaper duty?

Wolf: NOT ME!

Halt: NOT ME!

Sunda: NOT ME! WILL IS!

Will: ___[groans]_ But whyyyyyyyy?

Sunda: BECAUSE I SAID SO! _[eye twitch] [eye twitch]_

Will:___ [gulps and goes away to change the Nuclear Diaper Elf]_

Sunda: Thank you. Now, everyone who's still here bunch together.

___[Everyone proceeds to squish into a roughly three-foot-square space – which is not a very pleasant place to be with twelve people]_

Sunda: ___[in between gasps for air]_ Not that together!

___[Everyone spreads out and gulps down air whilst massaging rib cages]_

Sunda:___ [to Wolf]_ So was that as bad as the time I hugged you?

Wolf: Not quite, but close.

Alyss: There it is again! You know, that's the second time this chapter. Are you ever gonna explain that?

Sunda: Nope.

Wolf: Nu-uh.

Alyss: ___[pouts]_ Why not?

Wolf: Cause we don't wanna.

Sunda: What he said.

Alyss: ___[pouts further]_

Will: ___[comes up to the group, looking decidedly green around the proverbial gills]_

Arya: Aww, poor Willums. Why are you looking decidedly green around the proverbial gills?

Will: Next time, you're on diaper duty. That'll answer your question. ___[hands Oromis off to Crowley and goes to stand next to Alyss – and, more importantly, away from Arya]_

Sunda: Alright, here we go. Finally_. ____[a bubble of dark energy appears around the group]_

Dark Pickle: ___[from somewhere above them]_ How did you do that?

Sunda: I'm the Daughter of the Shadows. DUH.

___[The bubble rises and starts to slowly make its way out of the Council chambers]_

___[Five minutes – and two inches – later...]_

Wolf: Um, could you make this thing go a little faster?

Sunda:___ [grins wickedly]_ You want fast? Alrighty, then. ___[closes her eyes in concentration]_

___[Immediately the bubble shoots out of the chambers at – well, at very high speeds. Within five minutes, the group is a couple miles away from the Alliteration Area]_

Sunda: ___[chirpily]_ Here's our stop! ___[the bubble descends to the ground and disappears. Everyone leaps away]_

Halt: ___[kisses the ground. Repeatedly.]_

Crowley: ___[lies down with his cheek pressed against the ground]_ Ah, sweet, solid, motionless ground!

Murty: ___[on his knees, clutching his stomach] ____[weakly]_ And I thought it was bad when Thorn was trying to get away from those archers...___[vomits]_

Arya: ___[passes out]_

Wolf: Whoo! That was better than any rollercoaster!

Sunda: Ooh! I bet to anyone on the ground we were ___[starts singing]_ flying by on a Hawaiian rollercoaster ride!

Wolf:___ [groans]_ Oh, _why_ do you _do_ this to me?

Sunda: I dunno.

Mutt: Hey, applesauce!

Alyss: Applesauce?

Mutt: Applesauce!

Alyss: Applesauce.

Mutt: Yes, applesauce!

Alyss: Really, applesauce?

Mutt: Really, apple-

Sunda: OKAY, WE GET IT! THERE'S APPLESAUCE! Sheesh...

Mutt: I WANT APPLESAUCE! _[goes to nom the applesauce]_

Arya: ___[wakes up]_ What's this about applesauce?

Mutt:___ [howls in obvious agony]_

Halt: ___[unconcernedly]_ What happened?

Mutt: _[in between sobs] _It bit me! That applesauce bit me!

Angela: Maybe it's not actually applesauce! Maybe it's an amphibious creature!

Mutt: Yeah, right. Amphibians don't bite!

Sunda: ___[wandering over]_ Says you. ___[inspects first the applesauce, then the Mutt's hand - which, it must be noted, is covered in blood]_ Your hand is fine.

Mutt: How can you say that? Look at it!

Sunda: I did. Your hand is fine – the applesauce, however, is disguising a bear trap.

Mutt: But I'm not a bear!

Sunda: That doesn't mean you can't get grabbed by the cold, painful, shiny bear trap. Ooooh...shiiiiny...

Crowley: Don't touch the shiny!

Sunda:___ [shoots Crowley a look]_ I'm not THAT stupid, stupid.

Wolf: Well, let's move on, shall we? What's next on our list of places to go in order to get to the Talisman of Roxerness?

Sunda: Next is a river.

Izzy: A river?

Sunda: Yes, a river. Remember? Wolf said it was over the river, through the woods, and across the Chasm of Death. Well, we've already done the Chasm and the woods, so all that's left is to go over some random river and we'll get to the ocean and be able to reach the Talisman of Roxerness.

Mutt: But...my hand hurts...

Wolf:___ [suddenly appears behind the Mutt]_ Wolf Hug! ___[Wolf-Hugs the Mutt]_

Mutt: ___[blinks slowly]_ OMG PUDDING! ___[grins]_

Pretty much everyone: Huh?

Wolf: That was a Wolf Hug. Wolf Hugs spread – how did you put it, Sunda?

Sunda: Wolf hugs spread happiness and joy and OMG PUDDING.

Halt: What's...oh em jee pudding?

Sunda: Don't ask.

Halt: Kay.

Wolf: Shall we?

Sunda: Actually, I'm gonna let you write this next bit. I mean, it took me over four thousand words just to get us this far – how long do you want this chapter to be?

Wolf: Good point.

Sunda: However, I would like to get us started on one thing.

Izzy:___ [nervously]_ What's that.

Sunda: ___[clears her throat and snaps her fingers]_

Everyone:___ [links arms and begins to skip along singing]_ We're off to cross the river,  
The wonderful River of Odd  
We hear it is the weirdest stream  
In all of the Crossover World  
If ever a place to get weirder there was  
The River of Odd is one because  
Because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuuuse  
Because of the weirdness that it's made of!  
We're off to cross the river  
The wonderful River of Odd...

* * *

**A/N: And here are translations...**

"**¡No haga usted se atreve!" - Spanish for "Don't you dare!"**

"**Tun Sie nicht Sie trauen sich!" - German for "Don't you dare!"**

"**Ne delajte Vy smeyete!" - Russian for "Don't you dare!"**

"**Ekki. Þú. Þora." - Icelandic for "Don't. You. Dare."**

"**Ah, sí? Fes que jo!" - Catalan for "Oh, yeah? Make me!"**

**And the song that was sung (You're Gonna Go Far Kid by The Offspring – I don't own it) doesn't actually go the way I wrote it – that's an edited version I found on YouTube. ^*^ Also, I own neither the Princess Bride nor the "We're Off to See the Wizard" song that I so shamelessly butchered.**

**And Wolf...for once, I wasn't trying to one-up you. I swear. It just kinda kept going...and going...and going...OMG IT'S THE ENERGIZER CHAPTER!**_** RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIVES! **_**lolz**

**And because I know people are going to ask...Murty didn't notice Cap'n P when we were all getting reunited in CWHACMR because by the time Murty might not have been distracted by the antics of Wolf and myself, Cap'n P was gone. Make sense? No? Good. xD**


	12. Kraken Transport and Spoilers

**A/N: I'm bringing Spunky back! Doo doo doo... doo doo doo... doo doo doo... you other spunkers don't know how to spunkaxx... **

**Ever wandered around a corner and just seen like a whole whooping cheeseburger just... standing there? Neither did I until I found the magic of plotholes!**

**

* * *

**

Wolf: You know what's cool about this chapter? I'm writing it on a boat!

Will: What does that feel like?

Wolf: Ever been on a boat before?

_[Slowly Will looked up and his eyes become the size of dinner plates, then he started sobbing uncontrollably]_

Alyss: I wonder why he's so upset about the mere mention of boats?

Shadowy figure walking over: I think I can answer that one.

Most peoples except The Mutt (who is still in pain) and Will who is in the fetal position calling out for his mummy and sucking his thumb: Another character? Greeeeeaaaatttt...

Shadowy figure: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Princess Cassandra of Araluen. There is a very good reason that Will is deathly afraid of boats as I am about to tell you. I will tell you now: Will is afraid of boats because-

Alyss et Arya: Imah firhin mah Lazer! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

_[A beam of animated lazer... stuff... fired out of their mouths and blew Cassandra/Evanlyn into nothing but spunk in the air]_

_[Awkward silence is awkward]_

Wolf: _[Talking to the narrator... hey wait a second that's me! How's he doing that?] _Contrariwise, if awkward silence is awkward then is it just awkward? What about the silence? Is it then correct in saying that a chubby turtle is merely chubby while not being a turtle? These are the questions you have to be asking yourself. _[Nods knowingly, damn I hate you and your idiotic philosophy Wolf] _you're damn skippy you do, Ha! I didn't say spunk! I guess that A/N at the beginning of this life wasting fanfiction had you all fooled.

Sunda: _[jabbing Wolf in the ribs __**really**__ hard] __Cough, cough _fourth _cough _wall_ cough _can't break it, _cough _too much.

Wolf: Sounds like you're coming down with something. Probably that whole Stalker-itis thing that seems to be spreading, apparently catching it makes you ten times more likely to be stalked.

Sunda: _[screams with the unspoken threat of some sorta divine... watchamacallit... wrath, there we go, with divine wrath. It basically sounded like some epic eagles/hawks birds of prey thing screaming at each other] _I HATE STALKERS!

Eragon/Mutt: _[Staring at a huge pot of applesauce] _Applesauce!

Murty: Applesauce?

Gilan: Applesauce.

Oromis: Blabluble?

Mutt: Blabluble! Uhh, I mean Applesauce!

_[He lunged for the pot and before anyone could stop him he shoved his head straight into the pot of applesauce]_

Mutt: AHHHH! The applesauce bit my neck. I THINK IT'S A VAMPIRE!

Wolf: And now I'm not on a boat.

Will: What does that feel like?

Wolf: Ever been on solid ground before?

_[Slowly Will looked up and his eyes become the size of dinner plates, then he started sobbing uncontrollably]_

Alyss: I wonder why he's so upset about the mere mention of ground?

Shadowy figure walking over: I think I can answer that one.

Most peoples except The Mutt (who is still in pain) and Will who is in the fetal position calling out for his mummy and sucking his thumb: Another character? Greeeeeaaaatttt...

Shadowy figure: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Princess Cassandra of Araluen. There is a very good reason that Will is deathly afraid of the ground as I am about to tell you. I will tell you now: Will is afraid of the ground because-

Alyss et Arya: Imah firhin mah Lazer! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

_[A beam of animated lazer... stuff... fired out of their mouths and blew Cassandra/Evanlyn into nothing but spunk in the air]_

_[Awkward silence is awkward]_

Wolf: Contrariwise, if awkward silence is awk—_[SHUT UP! I QUIT!]_

Sunda: _Wow! _Didn't see that one coming!

Wolf: More sarcasm Sunda?

_[Sunda lifted herself above Wolf growing about-oh by the way, I'm the new narrator, nice to meet you!-growing about fifty feet with an expression that promised severe divine retribution]_

Sunda: Are you saying that I cannot talk in anything but sarcasm? That I'm so predictable that you can guess what I'm about to say? WELL!

_[Wolf stared up at her completely unfazed]_

Wolf: Nope, it's just one of the many amazing qualities about you!

Sunda: Well then _[shrinks to normal size and brightens] _Okay! _[skips to beat the Mutt to within an inch of his life]_

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom and Fluffiness: SEMI FLUFFY MOMENT! _[then begins to strangle Wolf in revenge for the diaper explosion]_

Wolf: Guurrrgllee!

Baby Oromis: Guurrrgllee? _[goes off to sing a song by Lady Gaga for some reason]_

Sunda: Dammit, do I have to always do this for you? _[Then slaps The Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom and Fluffiness upside the head]_

Wolf: ... huh, huh... thanks... kinda... *gasp*... got little... air...

Crowley: Hey how did Cassandra come back?

Sunda: Besides aren't you supposed to be a Master of "Ninjutsu, Kyusho jutsu, Judo, Krav maga, Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, Tai Chi, Kickboxing, Jujitsu and fourteen other various martial arts"

Wolf: Yeah but then I've somehow got to explain away how I got my—

Sunda: Rating!

Wolf: -hiney beaten constantly by you in the chapters before the chapter in The Chasm of Death where we had that fluffy moment, which is weird because all you seem to do is slap people.

_[Then in a desperate attempt to catch them up The Profanity Sheep wheeled his way in]_

Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!

Wolf: What the hell took you so long? And don't make me freak out on you, I meant what I said and said what I meant. An Elephant's faithful, one hundred percent!

Halt: Horton hears a who?

Wolf: Exactamundo!

Profanity Sheep: You try going all over the world to scream at people IN A WHEELCHAIR!

Sunda: Yeah sorry about that, but can you, you know, get lost? We kinda have to get somewhere with this and we haven't even taken a step towards either The River of Odd or that ominous looking bend in the road over there...

Profanity Sheep: _[sticks his nose in the air] _Whatever, I always preferred Rowana Renee's stories anyway. I NEVER GOT HURT WHEN I WAS A BUNNY!

Sunda: Wow, that's going to surprise her when she reads it. _[turns to readers] _READ ROWANA RENEE'S STORIES! _[Gets pulled off screen by everybody]_

Brom: Enough advertising, jeez.

Arya: When in the seventeen hells of Pagranazine _(pronounced with a hard 'g' and a rolling 'r') _did you get here Brom?

Brom: Well I just thought I might get involved... in the... _[he looks at Oromis] _why is Oromis a baby?

Crowley: Well that Wolf-guy-thing over there got angry and turned him into an infant.

Brom: _Ookay_, I'm gunna pretend that makes the slightest amount of sense and follow up with, why is he dancing to a song by Lady Gaga.

Wolf: Beats the hell outta me...

Distant voice: ..._no profanity_...

Brom: Okay then, what was that?

Alyss: Oh that was just The Profanity Sheep, Sunda injured him with some naughty words and now he can't walk. So I guess he's just shouting now.

Brom: ...right... so who is that Wolfy guy?

Murty: Articwolfstudios.

Brom: That's Articwolf?

Murty: Yeah, you've been in his other stories, why don't you recognise him?

Brom: Well at this point it's only on chapter four, and he hasn't revealed his physical presence on any of those.

Wolf: Don't worry Brom, I have some _very_ special plans for you.

Brom: _[gulps] _Okay, I think we've covered everything that needs to be—what in Spunk's name is Izlanzadi doing to her arms?

Izzy: _[while cutting her arms] _Feeling the smoothness of The Blade...

Brom: Yeah, well... maybe I should just leave.

Sunda: What about me?

Brom: What about you?

Sunda: _[getting angry] _Well there are two differences since we last met...

Brom: Uhh, we've met?

Sunda: _[getting furious] _I changed my name...

Brom: _[looking closer] _Ooh, Fantasynerd101... _[begins to realise the severity of his mistake and looks desperately for the second change]_

Sunda: _[seething with rage] _And the second difference?

Brom: Uh... pass? _[tries to sink into his clothes]_

Wolf: _[shakes his head in pity]_

Sunda: _[Lifts him up above her head and slaps him senseless] _I GOT A HAIRCUT!

Everyone else: _[wincing as they feel the sheer force of each slap] _

Brom: _[crying] _I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please let me go!

Wolf: Let him go Sunda, he's suffered enough.

Sunda: _[turns with a suddenly happy expression on her face] _Okay! _[she drops him]_

Brom: You people are insane! I'm leaving!

_[Then a portal to Alagaesia opened and he jumped in]_

Horace: If we can just open portals (which are results of very high-tech science by the way) why do we have to get to The Talisman of Roxerness?

Sunda: I dunno...

Will: Plot hole?

Wolf: No, plot holes are never pointed out as plot holes, maybe the portal was made with those five words that Brom told the Mutt.

Mutt: I forgot them! _[his tongue is hanging out of his mouth in that doggish way]_

Arya: So why were they even mentioned?

Mutt: I forgot them!

Arya: Yes, you already said that—

Mutt: I forgot them!

Arya: ...

Mutt: Immah gunna go an explore dah ominous cornar!

Wolf: Yeah, you go do that.

_[The Mutt is seen running round the corner on all fours. A few seconds passed until an agonised yelp was heard from around The Ominous Corner]_

Mutt: I pooped mahself from dat owsies!

Will: You do that as well?

Mutt: Yow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Sunda: _[groans] _Come on, we can't let our recurring joke get too hurt or it might not be funny anymore.

Arya: I'm Ok with it...

Izzy: Meh, me too.

_[slowly everyone starts agreeing that they can live with Eragon being written out of the story]_

Sunda: _[with venom practically oozing out of her words] _I. Said. Come. On. _[she brings out a cattle prod and handles it menacingly]_

_[The others can't get to the bend fast enough and to observers it would appear that they materialised at the edge of the bend]_

Wolf: Hey, where did you get that cattle prod anyway?

Sunda: Remember the brownies?

People across the world: O.O

Sunda: It's pretty safe to say that it hurt like—

Distant voice: ... _no profanity_...

Sunda: uhh, cheese... wafers?

Wolf: That has to be _one of your best lines ever!_

Sunda: Hey, you can't expect brilliance all of the time, not even from me.

Angela: I heard that.

Sunda: Oh, go back to your dungeon of misery and despair already.

Angela: _[does so]_

Crowley: So, we gunna go round the corner now or what?

Murty: Yes, let's take a step around this Ominous Bend in the road; surely no harm can come of taking a step around this Ominous bend in the path!

Izzy: I can think of a few things.

Arya: I just remembered that I haven't tried to hold Will's hand for over five minutes.

_[Arya lunges for Will]_

Alyss: I just remembered that I didn't manage to kill you in chapter 10.

_[Alyss lunges for Arya]_

_[Then twenty heavy, steel chains launch themselves out of the ground and wrap around both of the squabbling girls]_

Wolf: Enough, jeez. I'm going to tie you to this wagon that has been conveniently placed here at this Ominous Bend in the Road.

_[Wolf grabs both by the scruff of their necks... or at least he thinks they have scruffs... because he's a wolf... but he actually lifts them up off the ground by their hair]_

Arya and Alyss: Yoww!

Sunda: And now we shall take a step around the Ominous Bend in the Road.

_[They all do so and are confronted with a scene so... normal that they all blinked.]_

Halt: Uh, was anyone else preparing for something... scary?

Gilan: Try everyone...

_[They suddenly spot Eragon whimpering in the corner]_

Eragon: If you think this isn't scary, then you haven't tried reading... THAT!

_[He pointed a finger at the middle of the road. Everybody's head's swivelled to look at the same spot in space and time and saw... a book.]_

Will: NOT A BOOK!

Eragon: Yes, a book... but it's what happens when you read the book...

Sunda: Damn my curiosity, I _am _going to read that.

_[She picks up a stone and throws it into the distance]_

Distant voice: ... _no profani—OW!..._

_[The book chose this moment to talk]_

Book: _That's some might fine throwing you have there, a good eye too. Maybe you should... take a peek in my pages?_

Will: Take a leak in your pages! What's wrong with you?

Wolf: Take a _peek _you creepy freak.

Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming: TEE HEE! THAT RHYMES! _[poofs away]_

Sunda: Uh, did you just get your "Animal" of "Something that occurs in a plot"?

Wolf: I do believe so.

Book: _Excuse me; I believe we were in the middle of something! __[Taps its foot as well as a book can]_

Sunda: _[groans] _Fine, I'll read you. _[And before anyone can stop her, she skips over to it and reads off the title] _"Book of Spoilers" well this sounds like fun!

Wolf: Wait, Sunda! Clearly the Dark Pickle has laid this book so that you'll open it and find something horrible in there!

_[But it was too late! Sunda was already opening the book]_

Sunda:  Let's see, Chapter one..._[As she reads more her eyes widen and she falls to her knees]_... No, no, NO!

Wolf: What is it?

Sunda: This devil's handbook! _[She chucks the book away but strangely can't throw it further than a metre] _just ruined the plot for Halt's Peril!

Halt: My wah?

Sunda: The ninth book in The Ranger's apprentice series, you don't know about it because Wolf hasn't read beyond the fifth book: The Sorcerer in the North.

Halt: Well it sure doesn't sound good.

Sunda: YOU SHALL PAY! _[She raises her hand into the air and a shaft of light constructed by compressing raw unholy and holy magic as well as negative and positive energy into one line, creating a zone of pure "Contradicted Power" that not only creates a fifth dimension but concentrates a rupture in space and time into an area of nothingness.]_

Book of Spoilers: _Ah bum baskets._

_[The Shaft is fired straight into the centre of the book which collapses in on itself and leaves a small hole the size of the book]_

Zone of Nothingness: _*begins to exist and non-exist*_

_[The Book of Spoilers is absorbed by the sudden appearance of a Zone of Nothingness and the atoms that made him are wiped clean off the face of the Universe.]_

Arya (from her place on the cart): Uhh, what the hell just happened?

Wolf: Sunda just created a tiny, compressed zone that if anything touches becomes non-existent and is wiped off the Universe and all of reality.

Sunda: Yeah, don't touch it.

Will: So could we use this as a source of getting rid of the world's constantly increasing piles of rubbish, or safely remove dangerous piles of toxic waste that even as we speak are damaging our environment?

Wolf: Nope, but you can pee in it!

Will: _[shrugs and does so]_

Sunda: Anyway, now that we've sorted that problem how about we carry on?

Wolf: Right after this song!

Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming: TEE HEE! THAT RHYMES!

* * *

Mutt:

Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on  
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without

Crowley:

In violent times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul  
In black and white, they really really ought to know  
Those one track minds that took you for a working boy  
Kiss them goodbye, you shouldn't have to jump for joy  
You shouldn't have to  
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

Izzy:

They gave you life, and in return you gave them hell  
As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the tale  
I hope we live to tell the tale

let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on  
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

Sunda:

Shout, shout, let it all out  
These are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

Wolf:

And when you've taken down your guard  
If I could change your mind, I'd really love to break your heart  
I'd really love to break your heart

Everyone:

Shout, shout, let it all out  
(Break your heart) these are the things I can do without  
(I'd really love to break your heart) come on  
I'm talking to you, come on  
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you so come on

(Guitar solo)

Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on  
(They really really ought to know) Shout, shout, let it all out  
(Really really ought to know) These are the things I can do without  
(They really really) Come on, I'm talking to you, come on  
(They really really ought to know) Shout, shout, let it all out  
(I'd really love to break your heart)  
These are the things I can do without  
(I'd really love to break your heart)  
Come on, I'm talking to you so come on  
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without  
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on...(fade)

Wolf: Well that was refreshing, now let's get to The River of Odd... BY KRAKEN!

_[He jumps onto a Titanic monster of a Kraken and is copied by the others]_

Sunda: FULL FREAKIN' SPEED AHEAD!

Kraken: _**YOUR DAMN SPUNKY THAT'LL HAPPEN!**_

_[And the Kraken sped onwards, faster even than Sunda forced that that Darkness bubble to leave The Alliteration Area or Halt when Crowley caught him _totally_ making out with Pauline. But to make a pointless example of speed even more pointless... they went faster than Will goes to the toilet when he sees two cars of the same colour driving next to each other. I'm just saying.]_

* * *

**A/N:**

**I KNOW IT WAS A LONG WAIT!**

**But you got it so stop whining, especially you. Yes, you! You're the worst of all the whiners! I hand it down to my Muse telling me that it was time I started to share rent, which is stupid because I'm fourteen and it's my body. We had heated debates until I found out that all he wanted was cheese. Now I'm give him a hunk of cheese a week, much like my mousey friend**_** *brings out a hunk of cheese and gives it to a mouse in his fur* **_**We have a mutual agreement, I give him a hunk of cheese occasionally, he lets me stay in this fur o' mine...**

**THIS IS THE DISCLAIMER SECTION, LIVE WITH IT!**

**That Spunky song at the beginning was based on Justin Timberlake's, I'm Bringing Sexy Back.**

**When I said Contrariwise, that was based on Tweedledum... or maybe it was Tweedledee... I dunno... of Alice's adventures in Wonderland. Weird novel.**

**The Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming is a being of my creation, nobody use it! But you can ask me... I'll probably say yes!**

**When Sunda said Go back to your dungeon of misery and despair already, that was based on a quote from Ishizu Ishtar to Marik Ishtar in Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. That... thing... was created by LittleKuriboh/CardgamesFTW. Go look 'em up on Youtube, he's pretty dang funny!**

**Shout was sung by Tears for Fears.**


	13. It's a Songapalooza! W00T!

**A/N: Well, we're finally moving. That's something, right? I mean, with the giant spunkin' kraken, we've made significant progress. AUGH THE SPUNK IT BURNS! *twitch* *twitch*

* * *

**

Kraken: ___[screeches to a halt]_

Everyone: ___[is thrown forward into an unglorified heap]_

Arya: ___[from somewhere in the middle of the pile]_ Ugh! Being in an unglorified heap is both terrible for my hair and ___so_ beneath my royal dignity!

Will: ___[from the top – lucky dog]_ If this wasn't a K-rated story, I'd tell you exactly where to shove your royal dignity.

Halt: ___[from the bottom – poor guy]_ Now now, children, no bickering.

Wolf:___ [from – well, no one can really tell where he is]_ Shut up, Halt. ___[wriggles out from the center – so that's where he was]_

___[Everyone gets sorted out, with much moaning and complaining, and also with a lot of whining]_

Arya:___ [shrieks]_ I broke a nail!

Sunda:___ [through tears]_ Whatever.

Murty: _[warily]_ Why are you crying?

Izzy: Was it the-

Sunda: No, Izzy, I'm not spontaneously emo.

Izzy: ___[pouts and pulls out a knife. No one stops her]_

Sunda: It's just this song I was listening to – it's so depressing ___[sobs]_ and it makes me think ___[sobs]_ think of ___[dissolves into hysterical wails]_

Everyone: ___[stands around awkwardly – even Izzy has dropped the knife]_

___[Awkward silence is – you know what, don't even start!]_

Alyss: Oh, for cryin' out loud. ___[goes over to Sunda]_ What's up?

Sunda: ___[unintelligible sobbing]_

Alyss:___ [sympathetic noises]_ Well, that's the past now. It can't hurt you any more. Right?

Sunda:___ [more unintelligible sobbing and a motion that can be imagined as a nod]_

Alyss: Good. Now come on, we can't sit here all day. Right?

Sunda: ___[takes a deep breath]_ Right.

Alyss: Good girl. ___[turns to everyone else]_ Anybody have a tissue?

Sunda: Or a dozen?

Everyone: 0_0

Alyss:___ [peevishly]_ What?

Horace: You actually understood her?

Alyss: Yeah. So?

Everyone: O_O

Alyss: It's a girl thing. Now does anyone have a tissue or hanky or something?

___[Everyone scrounges hastily, and also with much haste]_

Crowley: Nope.

Angela: Nada.

Gilan: Zip.

Wolf: Here you go. ___[tosses a neon green hanky over]_

Sunda: ___[stares]____[eye twitch] [eye twitch] [bursts into psychotic laughter]_

Alyss: O_o

Halt: That's it. She's lost it. Whatever she had to lose in the first place, she's lost it.

Sunda:___ [slowly calming down]_ Don't be such a killjoy, Halt. Laughter is the best medicine, especially for...___ [trails off – and Wolf, don't you DARE say anything!]_

Wolf: ___[to narrator – wait, that's me! Um – to me, in a whisper]_ Wasn't even considering it. _[good]__  
_

Sunda: ___[starts to cry again, this time clutching the retina-searing hanky that sears people's retinas with its bright retina-searing-ness]_

Wolf:___ [muttering]_ Oh, for cryin' out loud. ___[to Sunda]_ Chocolate?

Sunda: ___[head snaps up, rabbitlike]_ Chocolate?

Wolf: Chocolate.

Sunda: Chocolate? WHERE? ___[twitches head from side to side – one can almost see rabbit ears on top of her head]_

Wolf: Over there. ___[points in the direction of the River of Odd]_

Sunda: CHOCOLATE HERE I COME! ___[bounds away – no, literally. And oh, yeah – she now has shadowy bunny ears. Sheesh, talk about dragging out a joke]_ C IS FOR CHOCOLATE, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! ___[voice gets fainter with distance]_ C IS FOR CHOCOLATE, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! C IS FOR CHOCOLATE, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! ___OH!_ CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE STARTS WITH C!

Everyone: ___[stares after Sunda]_

Oromis: Gurgle? Apshnlouebapfebohedfl! Plfloo!

Gilan: Yup. That about sums it up.

Mutt: Is there really chocolate there?

Wolf: No, but there's probably applesauce.

Mutt: APPLESAUCE HERE I COME! ___[he sprints away more than bounds away – but he still looks disturbingly animal-like]_

Angela: You are evil. ___[grins]_ I like you.

Wolf: PEDO! ___[Angela disappears]_

Murty: Where'd she go?

Wolf: I locked her in her emo dungeon. ___[glances at Izzy, who has that knife again]_ I'm considering doing the same to Queen Emo over there...

Sunda:___ [comes streaking – no, not _that___ kind of streaking! Pervert! – back, sans bunny ears]_ Hey guys! C'mere! ComequickcomequickcomeQUICK! ___[uses shadow magic to drag everyone with her]_

___[They arrive at the shore of a bizarre river. It's bizarre because...]_

Wolf: Hey, you stole my ellipse thing! ___[shut up and go back to the story!] _Fine. But you'll pay.

Sunda: It's hot chocolate!

Wolf: No it's not, it's Diego Fraise!

Halt: No, it's coffee!

All Rangers: COFFEE! ___[start to run down to the river]_

Wolf: WAIT!

___[Everyone stops and stares at him]_

Wolf: Don't you think it's kind of strange that we're all seeing different things? Except for the Rangers, but they're all obsessed with coffee.

Rangers: HEY! ___[gnaww, they're so cute when they're indignant! Synchronized indignant-ness! Woohoo! Double cute!]_

Alyss: He does have a point.

Will: ___[wails]__ I thought you were on my side!_

Alyss: I am, but you are obsessed with coffee. But what I meant was that he had a point when he said that it was weird that we all saw different things!

Will: Oh. ___[looks like a sad puppy, minus the ears]_

Alyss: It's okay, I still love you. ___[hugs Will]_

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: No way. I'm sittin' this chapter out.___  
_

Arya: _[to Alyss]_ Hey! Just because I have a broken nail doesn't mean I can't take you in a fight! ___[jumps Alyss]_

Wolf:___ [sighs] _One of these days that's gonna have to stop. ___[turns to Sunda]_ How were you listening to music whilst speeding along on a giant mythological squid, anyway?

Sunda: Magic. DUH.

Wolf: Okay, good explanation, but the imitating has to stop.

Sunda: But that's-

Wolf: I mean it.

Sunda: But I-

Wolf: I really do.

Sunda: ___[pouts]_ Fine. You're no fun.

Wolf: Good. Then we balance each other.

Sunda: I think there's a– HALT, HALT!

Halt: ___[stops guiltily, less than a yard – for the Brits, a yard is a bit less than a meter – from the river of coffee/hot chocolate/____Diego Fraise/what-have-you]_

Gilan: You know, for a narrator, you sure talk a lot. ___[shut up and go back to the story!]_ Why? I can get Sunda to fire you, you know. She'd do it. ___[…]_ Well? ___[touch____é____]_

Sunda:___ [ignoring the above exchange]_ What are you doing, Halt? You know that's the River of Odd, right? And it's the weirdest stream in all of the Crossover World, remember? And if ever a place to get weirder there was, the River of Odd is one because ___[because, because, becaaaaauuuuuuse! Because]_ of the weirdness that it's made of!

Halt: But...it's coffee...

Wolf: ELLIPSE STEALER! THEIF! ___[jumps Halt]_

Halt: ___[squeals like a little girl – tee hee!]_

___[Wolf and Halt's fight kinda melds into Alyss and Arya's, becoming one big cloud of dust, curses, and flailing body parts]_

Horace: That wolf-guy-thing has quite a temper.

Sunda: No, he's just over-possessive.

Wolf: I heard that!

Sunda: Good.

Wolf: ___[sticks his head out of the dust/curses/flailing-body-parts cloud]_ xP ___[ducks back into the cloud]_

Sunda: ___[contemplatively gazing at the River of Odd, and also gazing at the River of Odd in a contemplative manner]_ Shut up, Bob. ___[but-]_ Do you want me to fire you? ___[no]_ Then shut up. ___[…]_ Thank you. You know, I think I figured out why the kraken didn't bring us all the way to the River.

Crowley: Do please enlighten us.

Sunda: xP It's because the substance that makes up the River isn't fixed, but nor is it ever-changing. It's simply whatever its beholders imagine it to be – their favorite drink, I'm guessing, or the drink they want the most at that moment – and is therefore unstable. I wouldn't want to swim in it, knowing that – would you?

Crowley:___ [has zoned out] [starts]_ Um, no.

Sunda: ___[rolls her eyes as only a teenager can pull off]_ Forget it. What we need to do to get across the River is fly. ___[raising her voice]_ Yo, Wolfie!

Wolf: ___[from the midst of the fight cloud]_ Don't call me that ever again – that's creepy!

Sunda: ___[rolls her eyes again, acting very much the like a belligerent teenager]_ Fine. I think it's time for Plan One Seventy-Nine Alpha, with a touch of Two Sixty-Seven Gamma.

Wolf:___ [leaps out of the cloud]_ Woohoo, finally! I thought we'd never get to some planned randomness! ___[snaps fingers]_

___[All the fighters – who have taken to hitting anything that moves – freeze. Literally. As in, time itself froze in that one bubble, where-]_

Sunda: That's it, Bob! You're fired! ___[but-]_ No buts! And no giggling! You're fired! ___[fine! I'll go somewhere my talents are appreciated!]_

Wolf: Now what? You have no narrator!

Sunda: Yes I do. C'mon out here, Nar!

Wolf: Nar?

Sunda: Yup. One should always have backup narrator. Nar was literally born for the job. Isn't that right, Nar? ___[yup!]_ Well, go on, say hello! ___[hi, guys! I'm the newest narrator! Um, the old one – I guess that was Bob – did something weird: sort of a cross between sulking and storming out. It was strange.]_ Okay, thanks Nar. Now, onward! ___[snaps fingers]_

___[Right. So, now the "bubble of stopped time" that Bob described earlier is moving toward the River and the rest of the group.]_

Izzy: ___[glances at her knife] [glances at the bubble] [looks at her knife again]_ Meh, whatever. ___[throws knife at bubble]_

Sunda: Wha-NO!

Arya: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! ___[yes, she screamed even though time was stopped for her. JUST GO WITH IT!]_

Bubble: Pop!

___[All the bubble's inhabitants tumble to the ground in a mini-unglorified heap]_

Arya:___ [screams again, but in horror instead of fear]_

Halt: ___[peevishly]_ Would you_ please _stop doing that?

Alyss: Yeah, we're right here, you know.

Arya: You don't understand. My nail clipper...it's...BROKEN!

Wolf: STOP STEALING MY SIGNATURE SUNDA ANNOYANCE!

Sunda: ___[raises eyebrows]_ Excuse me?

Wolf: Uh...

Arya: Um, hi? More important problems here? MY NAIL CLIPPER IS _BROKEN_, PEOPLE! _DO YOU HAVE **ANY** IDEA HOW BAD THAT IS?_

Gilan: ___[rubs an ear and winces]_ Considering the volume at which you are informing us of this calamity, I'd say pretty bad.

Izzy: Meh, she's Arya. And she's in the Crossover World. That's just how she works.

Sunda: So, Izzy.

Izzy: Yeah?

Sunda: Why the heck did you throw the knife at the time bubble thingy?

Izzy: Meh, I dunno. It just seemed so pointless...

Sunda: Whatever. But now we can't use Plan One Seventy-Nine Alpha **or** Plan Two Sixty-Seven Gamma. So now what?

Wolf: I dunno. It's your chapter.

Sunda: ___[sticks her tongue out at Wolf]_ Wait, I got it!

Wolf: What?

Sunda: No, seriously. I had, like, an epiphany.

Wolf: ___[raises an eyebrow]_ Riiiiiiiight...

Sunda: Okay, so I had help. But you now what? We can control the substance of the river!

Wolf: I wondered when you were gonna get to that...

Murty: Seriously?

Sunda: Well, the strongest will can. It's like-

Morgarath:___ [steps out of the trees behind them]_ Wargals! ___[said creatures appear behind Morgy – and boy, do they smell!]_

Murty: Hey, I remember you!

Angela:___ [pops into the group]_ You're supposed to be dead!

Morgarath (who, for the short time he's here, shall be known as Morgy): Am I not? ___[looks down at himself as though expecting to find himself to be a ghost/corpse/zombie/etc.]_

Angela: Necromancy brought you back! I HATE NECROMANCY! ___[launches herself at Morgy and goes into a murderous rampage]_

Everyone else (except the Wargals – they're pretty slow): O_O ___[blink] [blink]_

Sunda: How'd she get out?

Wolf: I guess her hatred of necromancy is stronger than my magic.

Sunda: Well, that's a scary thought.

Wolf: Extremely.

___[Angela has finished with Morgy. She steps back and shoves her hair out of her face. I ain't describing Morgy – this is, after all, a K-rated story.]_

Angela: ___[turns back to the group] [brightly]_ So. Where were we?

Sunda: Uh, I was just explaining how the substance of the River of Odd can be controlled by a strong enough will. Then Morgy showed up and likened it to the psychic bond between a Wargal and his – its – whatever the proper pronoun would be here – commander.

Angela: Well, who has the strongest will?

___[Half the fingers point to Wolf, and the other half to Sunda. Counting the Wargals – they sense these things. The only one not pointing is Oromis]_

Sunda: Well, we seem to be at an impasse.

Wolf:___ [turns to Oromis]_ It's all up to you. Who has the stronger will – me, or Sunda?

Oromis: ___[looks with his Bambi eyes from one to the other] [points to both with a pleased gurgle]_

Sunda: Well, that was helpful.

Wolf: Okay, seriously? The sarcasm?

Sunda: My trademark.

Wolf: Okay, I can respect that.

Sunda: Good. Now, we have two choices. We can flip a coin, or I can choose.

Wolf: I think flipping is a better bet.

Sunda: Hey! You're not helping your chances.

Wolf: Whatever. Why are we flipping anything?

Sunda: Well, we're gonna have to work together. One of us is gonna have to keep their___ entire _concentration on the River. That is no easy task – it's like shielding your mind. If your concentration slips for ___one second_, the consequences are potentially catastrophic.

Wolf: What does the other person do?

Sunda: Keeps this rabble- ___[indicates the group – Will is holding Oromis as far away from his nose as possible, Eragon is drawing something in the dirt with a stick, Arya is sitting and sobbing about her broken nail clipper, and Izzy has her knife again. I hope she disinfected it first.]_ -from interrupting the concentrator's concentration.

Wolf: I want to be the concentrator.

Sunda: You know, that might actually be best.

Wolf: Really?

Sunda: They're more afraid of me.

Wolf: Good point. So, do we have a plan?

Sunda: Can you turn the River into something solid?

Wolf: Sure thing.

Sunda: Then we have a plan.

Wolf: Good.

Sunda: ___[raises her voice]_ Okay everybody, get to the edge of the river, but DON'T TOUCH THE WATER! OR WHATEVER IT APPEARS TO BE!

___[Everyone kinda stares at Sunda and fidgets]_

Sunda:___ [raises a cattle prod threateningly]_ **Now.**

___[Everyone scrambles over each other to get to the river]_

Wolf: You know, I think you were right.

Sunda: Aren't I always?

Wolf: Well, there was-

Sunda: Don't. Even.

Wolf: Whatever.

Sunda: Now concentrate! It's what I pay you for.

Wolf: You don't pay me at all.

Sunda: WHATEVER!

Wolf:___ [closes his eyes and concentrates]_

River: Hey, I'm frozen Diego Fraise! Cool!

Sunda: ___[gives Wolf a look that says "Seriously?" but herds the rabble across the river. No one dares make a sound after she breaks one of Crowley's ribs with her elbow for whispering]_

Wolf: Are you across?

Sunda: Yeah.

Wolf:___ [opens his eyes – the river returns to its normal state. Whatever that is.]_ Good. That is HARD!

Sunda: Um, how are you gonna get across?

Wolf:___ [freezes]_ Uh...

Gilan: Why can't you, Sunda, just turn it into something solid and he can walk across just like we did?

Sunda: ___[grins]_ I could kiss you. But that would be creepy. ___[hugs him instead – Wolf can hear the cracking ribs all the way across the river]_

Gilan: ___[choke] [gasp] [choke]_ Can't ___[gasp] [choke] [gasp]_ breathe ___[gasp]_ Let ___[choke]_ go ___[gasp] _of ___[choke]_ me ___[gasp]_ !

Sunda: Oh, fine. You're no fun either!___ [lets go of him]_

Gilan: ___[gasps for breath]_

Sunda: ___[takes a breath, closes her eyes, and concentrates]_

River: Okay, I can be ice. Boring. But whatevs.

Wolf:___ [muttering]_ I don't think she needs your lip right now, River.

River: She's right. You really aren't any fun!

___[Wolf makes his way across the River without incident]_

Wolf: Alright, I'm across.

Sunda: ___[eyes pop open and the river returns to being its normal shifty self]_ You're right. That is hard.

Wolf: Toldja. So where to now?

Sunda: To the ocean!

Everyone: To the ocean!

___[They start off purposefully]_

___[One hour later, in the middle of a small copse of trees]_

Eragon: Why do we have to walk? I mean, why can't we ride in that nausea-inducing-yet-infinitely-faster shadow bubble thingy?

Sunda: That's it. Your whining has re-reduced you to Mutt status. And to answer your question, that would cut into all the time we would otherwise have to do awesome and random things!

Mutt: Whatevs.

Sunda: ___[rolls her eyes and falls back into secretive, whispering discussion with Arya at the back of the group]_

Will: ___[at the front of the group, to Wolf]_ What do you suppose they're whispering so secretively about?

Wolf: You better pray you never find out.

Arya: ___[is suddenly right behind them]_ Too late.

Karaoke music: I'm gonna play in the background now, okay? Okay!

Arya: ___[singing]_ Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your girlfriend

You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious  
I think about you all the time, you're so addictive  
Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright?  
(Alright, alright, alright)

Don't pretend, I think you know I'm precious  
And yeah, I'm the one and only princess  
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right  
(I'm right, I'm right, I'm right)__

She's like so whatever  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone' s talkin ' about

Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it 's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your girlfriend

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time again and again  
(Again, again, again)__

So come over here and tell me what I wanna hear  
Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear  
I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again  
(And again and again and again)

'Cause she's like so whatever  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talkin ' about

Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your girlfriend__

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid, what were you thinkin'?

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better  
There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid, what were you thinkin'?

Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your girlfriend

No way, no way  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your girlfriend_  
_No way, no way

Hey, hey, you, you  
I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I could be your girlfriend  
No way, no way

Hey  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I know that you like me  
No way  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey  
Hey, hey, you, you  
I want to be your girlfriend  
No way, no way  
Hey hey!

Will:___ [blinks]_

Wolf: ___[turns to Sunda]_ Why?

Sunda: I owed her.

Wolf: But-

Sunda: Don't ask.

Will:___ [to Arya]_ No.

Arya:___ [starts crying princess tears]_

Sunda: Don't look at me, chick. I did my part.

Arya:___ [dissolves into hysterical wails]_

Wolf: Seriously? Is this the Crying Chapter or something?

Sunda: Apparently.

Wolf: Well, I'm not stickin' around for the girl drama. It be scary! _[disappears]_

Sunda: ___[sighs]_ Fine. We'll catch up to him eventually.

Crowley: Wha-

Sunda: NO QUESTIONS!

Crowley: O_O ___[mimes locking his lips shut]_

Sunda:___ [in scary-calm voice]_ Any more questions?

Everyone (except Arya – she's still being melodramatic even though no one cares): O_O ___[shakes head hastily]_

Sunda: Good. Arya, quitcher bawlin' – we's movin' on.

Arya: Wail! Sob! Cry!

Sunda: ___[sighs]_ Do you want a tissue, or do you want me to get out The Box?

Arya:___ [sniffle]_ I'll take the tissue – I sense the capital letters. They don't ___[sniffle]_ bode well.

Sunda: Now, would I do something like that to you when you're in distress? ___[hands her a tissue]_

Arya:___ [takes tissue]_ Yes.

Sunda: You're probably right. Now-

Tiny, disembodied voice: Hold it right there!

Horace: _[grabs longsword]_ Not good!

Murty:___ [scowls darkly]_ Not cool.

Sunda: ___[sighs heavily]_ Not again...

Tiny, disembodied voice: I mean it! Drop your weapons and hold your hands in the air!

Crowley: Why?

Tiny, disembodied voice: Because I said so!

Crowley: Why?

Tiny, disembodied- you know what? TDV: Because I was told to.

Crowley: Why?

TDV: Because those were my orders.

Crowley: Why?

TDV: Because-

TDV #2: Oh, for cryin' out loud! Shut up, both of you!

Crowley: Why?

TDV #2: That's it!

Crowley: Wh- ___[falls unconscious to the ground. Well, there's really nowhere else for him to fall, is there?]_

Will: _[shrieks girlishly]_ What'd you do to him?

TDV #2: Do you really want to find out?

Will:___ [gulps]_ No.

TDV #2: Then shut up and tell your friend to drop his weapon.

Will:___ [looks to Sunda as the now-sole leader]_

Sunda: ___[nods]_

Horace: ___[sighs heavily and drops his sword]_

TDV #1: Now come with us.

Mutt: Where?

Halt: And who are you? Show yourselves, cowards! ___[whatever happened to Crowley happens to him]_

TDV #1: You will soon find out. Now come!

Sunda: But we can't see you.

TDV #2:___ [after a mostly inaudible discussion]_ Good point.

___[Suddenly _hundreds___ of pickle commandos appear from the trees!]_

Horace: Huh. Didn't see that comin'.

Izzy and Sunda – yes, at the same time!: I did. ___[glance askance – that's such an awesome word! - at each other]_

Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming: TEE HEE! THAT RHYMES! ___[poofs away]_

Pickles:___ [blink]_

Sunda:___ [under her breath]_ Thanks, Wolf.

Pickle Commando #1 (who is apparently the owner of TDV #1): What was...never mind.

Distant Voice:_ Ellipse stealer! THIEF!_

Pickle Commando #1: What was-

The humans (and elves) (and Rider) (and Mutt): Don't ask.

Pickle Commando #1: Whatever. Come with us!

Will: How many times have you said that now?

Pickle Commando #1: Five hundred and eighty-seven.

Will: No.

Pickle Commando #1: No.

Will: No?

Pickle Commando #1: No.

Will: Noooooooooope?

Pickle Commando #1: Noooooooooooope.

Will: Nnnnoooooooooooooooooo?

Pickle Commando #1: Nnnnooooooo-

Pickle Commando #2: SHADDUP, THE BOTH O' YA! ___[punches Will]_

Will:___ [laughs]_ Hey, that tickles!

Pickle Commando #2: Wha-

Will: Do it again!

Pickle Commando #2: Never mind. Let's go.

___[Everyone starts walking, not wanting to get knocked out]_

_Sunda: ____[in a bored tone]_ So where're we goin'?

Pickle Commando #1: ___[in a mildly singsong voice]_ That's for us to know and you to dread.

Pickle Commando #3: Ah, go ahead and tell 'em.

Pickle Commando #1: Fine. Ruin my day. ___[to the group]_ The Dark Pickle and Captain Pickles want to see you.

Sunda: Cap'n P? OMG I haven't seen him in ages! But...why didn't ol' Dark Pickle, Master of Illusions and Applesauce-covered Traps, come find me himself? ___[grins evilly]_ Is 'e too scared?

Disembodied voice from the midst of the crowd of commandos: Oh no you di-in't!

Sunda: Oh yes I di-id!

Disembodied voice: Curse you, Dautr abr du Sundavar! You ruined my dramatic entrance!

Sunda: Hey, it's what I do. Ruin things. It's a gift. ^_^

Dark Pickle: ___[stalks over to the group (which has stopped walking – actually, everyone has. Anyway...) with Cap'n P following dutifully behind]_ Dautr abr du Sundavar, I don't even want to know how you spoke an emoticon. What I do want to know is how you escaped the Alliteration Area! And without being cursed!

Sunda: That's for me to know and you to wonder about.

Dark Pickle: Tell me. NOW.

Sunda: Nope.

Dark Pickle: Yup.

Sunda: No.

Dark Pickle: Yes.

Sunda: No.

Dark Pickle: Yes

Sunda: No.

Dark Pickle: Yes

Sunda: No.

Dark Pickle: Yes

Sunda: No.

Dark Pickle: Yes

Sunda: No.

Dark Pickle: Yes

Sunda: Don't push me, pickle dude. I'm not in the mood.

Dark Pickle: And what does that mean?

Sunda: ___[gestures to the group]_ Just ask them. Or him. ___[points to Cap'n P]_

Cap'n P: It's true, sir. She can get rather...scary.

Dark Pickle: Really?

Cap'n P: ___[nods]_ I've seen it, sir.

Dark Pickle:___ [sighs]_ Fine. Now-

Sunda: _Now_ we get this story moving.

Dark Pickle: But-

Sunda: Nope. No protesting. Group, gather up!

Group: ___[does so]_

Dark Pickle: What are you-

Sunda: Watch and learn, pickle-dude. Watch. And. Learn.

___[A bubble of dark energy surrounds the group, the same way it did in chapter 11]_

Cap'n P: Stop them!

Commandos:___ [pull out their mini-bazookas]_

Bubble: Ha-ha! You can't hurt me!

Sunda: ___[pulls out a giant bazooka that barely fits in the bubble with everybody ducking – well, more cowering than ducking]_ No way, pickle dudes!

Bazooka: BOOM! Right in the kisser!

Bubble: Up, up, and awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy! Sayanara, suckas!

___[Five minutes – and an indeterminate amount of miles/kilometers/what-have-you – later]_

Bubble: Going down!

___[The bubble disappears, and everyone spills out of it]_

Halt: You know, I think I might be getting used to shadow bubble travel. ___[vomits]_

Murty: ___[in between kissing the ground]_ Speak for yourself.

Sunda: Oh, stop it, you big babies. We're here.

Oromis: Glurgle?

Sunda: You know what, I'm tired of your baby talk. ___[snaps fingers]_

Oromis:___ [is back to normal] [to the Mutt, who is holding him]_ Put me down please, Eragon.

Eragon:___ [hastily does so]_ Hey, I'm Eragon again!

Sunda: Yeah, so don't do anything stupid.

Eragon: O_O ___[nods]_

Oromis: So where are we?

Sunda: Here. Our destination. The beach. And you know what?

Alyss:___ [with slight dread]_ What?

Sunda: I need a SPA! All that shadow bubbling really takes it outta ya, you know._  
_

Everyone but Izzy and Angela (the emo and the chick-locked-in-a-dungeon): !

Sunda: Yes! And anyone who objects must raise their left hand – without moving their arm or wrist – above their head and touch the tip of their right foot to the top of their head without moving their back.

Halt:___ [muttering]_ I'm not even trying.

Crowley:___ [also muttering]_ I call the palm leaf over there.

___[After a couple people have attempted what Sunda called for – and failed – while the rest just gave up]_

Sunda:___ [claps hands together]_ Goody! Spa time!

___[After the obligatory transition of a bunch of thick white steam/mist, we see Sunda in a mud bath – the structure of which is made of sand – surrounded by various people doing various tasks]_

Sunda: ___[sighs contentedly]_

Halt:___ [grumpily]_ You got the good frond.

Crowley: ___[smugly]_ I know.

Wolf: Hey!

Sunda: Wolfie! ___[wicked grin]_

Wolf: ___[shudders]_ Don't call me that. It's...creepy...

Sunda: That's ___why_ I call you that. DUH.

Wolf: Whatever. So what's up?

Sunda: ___[raises an eyebrow like "isn't it obvious?"]_

Wolf: Never mind.

Sunda: What have you been up to?

Wolf: ___[grins and gestures behind himself]_ I opened a dojo!

Sunda: Who would be your student?

Wolf: Jump5. ___[grin becomes positively evil]_

___[Right on cue, the band staggers up behind him, the lead singer limping, everyone covered in bruises with bleeding ears]_

Sunda: ___[looks on with mild approval]_ What happened to them?

Band Member #1 (so I'm too lazy to learn names. Whatever): What?

Wolf: I beat 'em up, gave 'em a big freakin' piece of my mind, and shot that guy ___[jerks his head at the lead singer]_ in the foot.

Sunda: Nice. Can they go away now? They're distracting my lackeys.

Murty: Hold on. Lackeys?

Gilan: Did you just call us lackeys?

Sunda: Me and my big mouth.

Oromis: Get her!

___[Everyone jumps on Sunda, who is wrestled onto an impromptu stake – you know, the kind people used to burn witches at]_

Sunda: Okay guys, I think this is a little extreme.

Wolf: C'mon. Let her down.

Oromis: Why?

Wolf: Did you like being a baby?

Oromis: ___[gulps and singlehandedly gets Sunda off the stake in about 2.32 seconds]_

Sunda: Thanks for that.

Eragon: Now what?

Sunda: Now we're at the seashore, all together – I think it's time for the last chapter.

Wolf: Really? Already?

Sunda: Well, this is the thirteenth chapter! How long do you want this thing to be?

Wolf: Good point. Fourteen chapters is a good length.

Sunda: And our ages! Yay!

Wolf: It's perfect. So, how are we ending this?

Sunda: With a song, of course!

Arya: Oh, no...

Angela: ___[pops into the group]_ Yay, I'm free!

Wolf: Only for this number. And Arya_ stole _my-

Sunda: Drop it.

Wolf: Fine. Wait, this song isn't-

Sunda: Oh, yes it is.

Wolf:___ [glares fireballs at Sunda as he is forced to sing]_ Aloha e aloha e  
'Ano 'ai ke aloha e  
There's no place I'd rather be  
Than on my surfboard out at sea  
Lingering in the ocean blue  
And if I had one wish come true  
I'd surf till the sun sets  
Beyond the horizon  
A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi  
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu  
Flyin' by on a Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Sunda: _[joins in happily]_ A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi  
La we mai iko papa he na lu  
Pi'i na nalu la lahalaha  
O ka moana hanupanupa  
Lalala i kala hanahana  
Me ke kai hoene i ka pu'e one  
Helehele mai kakou e  
Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Eragon: _[laughing so hard he's crying] [stops laughing as he sings]_ There's no place I'd rather be  
Than on my surfboard out at sea  
Lingering in the ocean blue  
And if I had one wish come true  
I'd surf till the sun sets  
Beyond the horizon

Alyss: A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi  
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu  
Flyin' by on a Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Oromis: _[looking as though he wants to die] _Hang loose, hang ten, howzit, shake a shaka  
No worry, no fear, ain't no biggie braddah  
Cuttin' in, cuttin' up, cuttin' back, cuttin' out  
Frontside, backside, goofy footed, wipe out

Arya: Let's get jumpin', surf's up and pumpin'  
Coastin' with the motion of the ocean  
Whirlpools swirling, twistin', turnin'  
Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Izzy: A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi  
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu  
Flying by on a Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Halt: Aloha e aloha e  
'Ano 'ai ke aloha e

Alyss: Aloha e aloha e  
Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Everyone (yes, even those not previously singing): There's no place I'd rather be  
Than on my surfboard out at sea  
Lingering in the ocean blue  
And if I had one wish come true  
I'd surf till the sun sets  
Beyond the horizon  
A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi  
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu  
Flyin' by on a Hawaiian roller coaster ride  
A wiki wiki mai lohi lohi  
Lawe mai i ko papa he'e nalu  
Flyin' by on a Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Hawaiian roller coaster ride

Wolf: ___[speaking]_ You're gonna pay for this.

Sunda: I know.

Wolf: You're gonna pay ___big__ time._

Sunda: I know.

Angela: I have to go back now, don't I?

Wolf: Yup.

Angela: ___[censored] [disappears]

* * *

_

**A/N: Yes, I am evil! Evil I say! Even more so because I almost did a different song! MWAHAHAHAHA! Ahem.**

**I don't own any of the music. The lyrics to Girlfriend are to a self-made edited version. There's a video on YouTube - search for "MusicalDramaQueen96 Girlfriend" if you want it. And the "C is for Chocolate" song was based on the "C is for Cookie" song from Sesame Street. The "You're supposed to be dead!/Am I not?" bit was from the movie _Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest _- which I'm not affiliated with in any way. Besides, Orlando Bloom was much hotter as Legolas. ^&^ Ahem...  
**

**The next chapter is going to take a while, because Wolf and I are going to co-write it. We're shooting for 10,000+ words – it's gonna be AWESOME!**


	14. The Finale to a GREAT EVIL! part 1

**A/N:**

**Well here we are, at the end of this adventure. I don't think we could have put such an epic tale into any form not 10,000 words+ and written by both of us. And, umm, because I'm not really certain I could **_[or should] _**yes thank you narrator, or should be the person/dude/wolf-guy-thing to end this single-handedly. So without further ado I give to you, my first 1000 words!**

* * *

Wolf: Well here we are my friendly friends, it's been like a whole month since Sunda published her last chapter and I haven't done jack-

Distant Voice: NO PROFANITY!

Wolf: Hey, you're getting better at long distance shouting Sheepy.

New voice of Caribbean chicken and stuff: He was takin' lessons from me!

Will: _[Looks up as he recognises the voice] _Erak?

Erak: Good pastnoon! It appears you've stumbled upon our raiding location, and the others over there, well we kinda ate Slagor's men...

Will: Come again?

Erak: We used Slagor and his men as food provisions-no use wasting good jerkey.

_[Awkward moment]_

Wolf: So, uh, you guys are cannibals now?

Erak: That sounds about right.

Wolf: And why did you want to tell us that?

Erak: Well, you know, just ran out of provisions, all of the towns along this shore just don't make any sense, all of the applesauce has bear traps in them...

Wolf: Aaaand?

Erak: And we're like really hungry.

Wolf: Go on...

Erak: And we've always been curious about Wolf meat.

_[Wolf's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates]_

Wolf: Why don't you run that past me one more time. _[Wolfish smile]_

Erak: I said we want to eat y-_ [Wolf jumps on him and mercilessly beats the -profanity excluded- out of him]_

Erak the puddle on the floor: Emeh...effi...arriiigghhh...

Sunda: Ah, I liked Erak.

Wolf: Really? I prefered him before he became Oberjarl.

Sunda: True, I kind of missed the raiding...

Wolf: Did, did you just use ellipses?

Arya: Ooooh!

_[Everyone turns to look at her, she turns a bright red colour]_

_[Hey!]_

_[Umm, what?]_

_[I've had enough of you and your insistent British spelling!]_

_[But... we invented the language...]_

Halt: Oh, I do not like where this is going.

_[And?]_

_[Who are you anyway?]_

_[I'm Sunda's narrator, the one that always spells in the American type of English!]_

_[Well I'm Wolf's narrator, the kind that always talks in _regular _English]_

_[Oh, go back to drinking your tea and eating your jelly]_

_[JAM!]_

Wolf: Guys, do we really need to do this?

_[He started it!]_

Wolf: I really cannot tell which one of you just said that...

Alyss: I can't believe it's not butter!

Pauline: _[poofing out of nowhere] _Don't be silly girl. _[poofs away]_

_[And another thing, where do you get off calling trousers, pants?]_

_[That's their actual name!]_

_[NO IT ISN'T!]_

_[Oh yeah? Now you're going to tell me that babies wear nappies, not diapers]_

_[Well they do...]_

_[No they don't, you're just confusing this.]_

_[No I'm not, at least we don't call our pavements, sidewalks and our trainers, sneakers!]_

_[Oh that's it, you've gone too far this time!]_

Sunda: THAT'S IT, YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!

_[You mean-]_

_[SHUT UP!]_

_[Both of the narrators fling themselves at each other and fight off to the distance (most likely to the CWHACMR), Oh, by the way, I'm the new narrator-nice to meet you all!]_

Crowley:Well that was stupid.

Gilan: Yep.

Will: I haven't peed in a while. _[His trousers dampen once more]_

Izzy: I'M FREE! _[Her head looks up and her arms are thrown to either side of her body]_

Crowley: Lolwut?

Izzy: The emoness has fled my body and has gone to a different host!

Sunda: Very interesting, but the question is, who has it now?

_[They all look around before their gaze settles upon one person... The Dark Pickle standing in the middle of their group.]_

Everyone: _le gasp!_

Dark Pickle: Greetings everyone. You didn't forget about me did you?

Wolf: Don't you _[mmm] _forget about me!

* * *

**A/N: Hey y'all, it's Sunda. Just had to stick this in here to say that it's *drumroll* MY TURN! Lolz that, and Wolf was right. There's no way that just one person could write the end to such a totally epic, utterly strange story as this. Okay, I'm done now. Well, I'm not done done. I'm done with the note. Anyways, ONWARD!**

* * *

Wolf: What was that for? You interrupted a perfectly good story!

Sunda: Yeah, a perfectly good_ plotless_ story that's never suffered because of interruptions before!

Wolf: ...Well played, worthy adversary...

Dark Pickle: Ahem? I'm feeling rather forgotten here!

Arya:_ [hopefully] _He doesn't_ sound _emo...

_[hey, the ellipses are Wolf's thing!]_

Alyss: Oh, not you too...

_[ELLIPSE ALERT!]_

_[SHADDUP!]_

_[*le gasp* excuse me?]_

_[you heard me!]_

_[why don't you just go back to your rodeo, little narrator, and let the professionals handle this]_

_[I don't like rodeos! And I __**HATE**__ stereotypes!]_

_[oh, please! Who doesn't subscribe to one stereotype or another?]_

_[*sarcastically* let me think. Um, Sunda, the Rangers, Murty, Izzy, Arya...pretty much EVERYONE HERE]_

_[no, that's who doesn't FIT one stereotype or another. I'm asking who doesn't SUBSCRIBE to one stereotype or another]_

_[well-]_

Dark Pickle: SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

Everyone (including the narrators):_ [blink] [blink]_

_[well, at least that's one thing we can agree on]_

_[shh, don't make him angry!]_

Dark Pickle: Thank you.

Eragon: What'll happen if we don't pay attention to you?

Dark Pickle: Something bad. Of course, bad is relative. I mean, there's so much pure darkness in the world – myself included – that sometimes it's just...pointless..._[sits down hard on the ground]_

Murty:_ [hesitantly] _What's pointless?

Dark Pickle:_ [despondently] _Everything...

Murty: Okay, that was decidedly anti-helpful.

Dark Pickle: Meh, whatever.

Izzy:_ [le gaspy gasp] _YOU STOLE MY CATCHPHRAAAAAAAAAAAAASE! _CATCHPHRASE STEALER! **THIEF!**_

Dark Pickle: Meh, whatever.

Izzy:_ [screams wordlessly and hurls herself at Dark Pickle. They disappear in a cloud of dust]_

Sunda:_ [sighs] _Must we really do this?

Wolf: No. Not really.

Sunda: Do we have to bring him with us when we go?

Wolf: Yes. Yes we do.

Sunda:_ [groans] _Well, emo or not, I'm not writing that. You can.

Wolf: Whatevs.

Sunda: Grr...

Gilan: Are we moving on anytime soon?

Sunda: Nope.

Gilan: Hmph. Why not?

Sunda: Because I said so.

Gilan: But...but...don't you like me?

Sunda:_ [whispers something in Gilan's ear]_

Gilan:_ [passes out]_

Wolf:_ [whistles] _Wow. What'd you tell him?

Sunda:_ [mischevious grin] _That's for me to know and you to wonder about.

Wolf: Fine.

Sunda:_ [beats Wolf to a bloody pulp]_

Wolf:_ [incoherent mumbling]_

Sunda: I think that was "What the hell did you do that for?" Am I right, Wolf's-narrator-dude?

_[yeah]_

_[Sunda, did you really just say-]_

Sunda: Say it and die.

_[but of your own volition?]_

Sunda: LIVE WITH IT! And that, Wolf, was because you rubbed it in and repented not! You know what "it" I mean.

Wolf:_ [more incoherent mumbling]_

_[that means "Greeeeeaat..."]_

Sunda: I figured, thanks.

_[hah. She doesn't need you]_

_[does so!]_

_[does not!]_

_[does SO!]_

_[does NOT!]_

_[does SO!]_

_[oh, yeah? How?]_

_[erm...]_

Izzy: HAH! I AM TRIUMPHANT!_ [emerges from the dust cloud holding Dark Pickle around the middle]_

Sunda: Impressive. Betcha if you gave him a knife he'd chop himself up.

Wolf:_ [pops up, completely whole] _NOOOOOOOO!_ [scoops up Dark Pickle protectively and glares at everyone] _Keep sharp objects away from him!

Sunda: You mean like that?_ [points to a tiny knife in Dark Pickle's grasp]_

Wolf:_ [yanks the knife away from Dark Pickle] _Bad pickle! No treat for you!

Dark Pickle: Treat?

Wolf: No treat.

Dark Pickle: Treat?

Wolf: No treat for you.

Dark Pickle: Treat?

Wolf: No TREAT! You get no treat!

Dark Pickle: Well, why didn't you say so?_ [hops to the ground]_

Wolf:_ [blink] _Hm.

Crowley: That's it? That's all you have to say?

Wolf: Pretty much, yeah.

Crowley: Hm.

Angela: Now you're doing it!

Crowley: Whatever.

Angela: Hmph.

Gilan:_ [wakes up] _Hey, that's my line!

Angela: Tough luck, Ranger boy. Better than being a catchphrase thief, though. Right?

Gilan: True.

Alyss: Um, we should probably get going. At least to the ocean.

Sunda: No way! I ain't goin' nowhere with that pickle thing voluntarily, emo or not!

Angela: You just used a pleonasm!

Sunda: Lolwut?

Crowley: CATCHPHRASE STEALER! _THIEF!_

Sunda: It's just what I do. ^_^

Crowley:_ [twitch] _You spoke an emoticon again._ [twitch] _How did you do that?

Sunda: Well, I-

Crowley:_ [flinch] _NOOO! DON'T TELL ME!

Sunda: Don't ask, then!

Crowley: _[incoherent mumbling]_

Wolf: There seems to be a lot of incoherent mumbling going on...anyways, Alyss does have a point. We should go somewhere.

Sunda: FINE! But don't expect _him_ to be mentioned!

Dark Pickle: You mean me?

Sunda: _[growls scarily]_ How is it that you're even more annoying when you're emo?

Dark Pickle: I don't know. Nor do I care. _[plops down and stares emoly around]_

Sunda: _[screams wordlessly]_

Wolf: Shall we?

Sunda: _[suddenly calm]_ Yes, let's. Everyone, get in a line!

_[They do so, Will finding himself unhappily squished between Alyss and Arya]_

Will: Can't...breathe...

Arya et Alyss: So? _[death glares at each other]_

_[man, if looks could kill...]_

_[d'you think there'd even be powder left of either of them?]_

_[no]_

Sunda: Arya, get away from Will.

Arya: But-

Sunda: NOW.

Arya: _[scurries away from Will]_

Sunda: Good. Now, link arms.

Everyone: _[stands around awkwardly]_

Sunda: DO IT! _[Shadow Glare of Promised Doom]_

_[Everyone links arms as though their lives depend on it - which is probably true...]_

Oromis: _[realizes only one person separates him from Sunda] [whimpers for his mommy]_

_[ahem? *taps foot*]_

_[what?]_

_[you mean "mummy" not "mommy"]_

_[no, I mean mommy. Mummies are dead bodies preserved in cloth. Mommies are mothers]_

_[are you calling my mum old?]_

_[no, I don't know how old your mother is - probably eternally 29]_

_[*snicker*] [I mean...grr]_

_[pathetic]_

Sunda: Good. Now, on the count of three, we're going to take ONE step forward. Got it?

_[Everyone nods]_

Sunda: Good. One...

Eragon: Um, I forget how to count...

Sunda: _[ignoring Eragon]_ Two...

Garrow: _[poofs in and smacks Eragon upside the head]_ Idiot boy! I taught you better than that! _[poofs away]_

Eragon: THREE!

_[Everyone takes one step forward]_

Will: _[shrieks] _WHAT IS IT?

Sunda: The ocean, dipwad. You stepped into the surf.

Will: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH. Right. So that's what that sound was.

Sunda: Yeah. Haven't you ever been to the ocean?

Will: _[eyes get the size of dinner plates and he starts to sob]_

Sunda: Ah, yes. Boats.

Will: _[wails]_

Sunda: Skandia.

Will: _[wails]_

Sunda: An island with an unpronounceable name.

Will: _[wails]_

Sunda: Yeah, I remember now.

* * *

**A/N: One a clock, two a clock, three a clock rock! 4, 5, 6 a clock, seven a clock Rock!**

**I'm just a sucker for hitting people in the throat!**

* * *

Wolf: Hey, wasn't that my joke?

Sunda: Yeah just like all those catchphrases were yours, but that didn't stop me from using too many ellipses did it?

Wolf: _[growls]_

Sunda: Yeah, yeah, save it for your monthly werewolf rampages.

Wolf: Hey, don't joke about those. I kill a LOT of people.

_[Everyone takes two paces back]_

Wolf: Oh don't worry, I only become a werewolf on the full moon. _[Looks up] _Hey, I didn't realise-these 14 chapters have all been the same day, it's our first night in the Crossover World!

Mystical Choir: _The place of much randomnesssssssssssss..._

_[Others follow his gance to the sky, choosing to ignore the Mystical Choir]_

Will: Ooh, that full moon is pretty!

Alyss: Wait, what!

Halt: THE MOON IS FULL!

_[Everyone looks at Wolf who is transfixed, staring at the moon]_

Wolf: Eets so pwetttyyy.

_[Everyone then start to get scared]_

Sunda: Oh cripes. _[Then talking softly and quietly] _Ok. Listen to me everybody-and try to stay very, very calm. I've only ever seen Wolf in a Full Moon once. So listen verrrrry carefully, as soon as you hear faint, almost classical music in the background which is being played by a piano, run. Run as fast as you can. I'll try to deal with this problem.

_[Everyone looks at her in complete and utter fear-which is saying a lot considering how much they'd been through in that single day.]_

Murty: No need to fear, right? You've beaten Wolf up before haven't you?

_[A pent up breath came out of every mouth]_

Wolf: It's like I could each out an' touch eet.

Sunda: Yeah, see, that was then. This is kinda when he's a werewolf. And, umm, I couldn't really stop him last time...

_[Mutiple jaws break from the sudden drop that they all had]_

Crowley: You wanna say that again?

Sunda: Last time, I narrowly got out with my life, and that was without trying to defend others...

Eragon: Oh, bum baskets.

_[Faint music is heard in the background]_

Sunda: GO!

_[The others sprint off at incredibly high speeds, the elves placing wards to hinder Wolf from going further]_

Sunda: Alright Wolfie, just me and you. Or rather, you and me. That is far better English.

_[Wolf's head snaps around]_

Music in background: Sitting in a corner all alone... staring from the bottom of his soul.

_[Wolf's back arches and growls of pain were just audible to Sunda, standing not ten paces away. His eyes simultaneously become significantly redder and his breath begins to reek of corpses.]_

Arya: Do you think he's gone Werewolf yet?

Distance: Awooooooooo.

Halt: Uhh, yeah!

Gilan: _[pulls out binoculars... somehow...] _You can see them from here!

Murty: _[grabs the binoculars] _Let me see! Oh my nonexistant Gods! Wolf is freakin' gigantic! How do you explain that away Horace?

Horace: _[Reaches for binoculars] _Growth hormones. A lot of growth hormones.

Murty: Shut up Horace.

Horace: Well you asked.

Izzy: _[looking through binoculars] _I'll tell you how that happened. Pain. Lots and lots of pain.

Arya: Ah! Emo mother is back.

Oromis: Do you think Sunda'll be okay?

Arya: Yeah, I'm sure she was just bluffing about his power to scare us.

_[Wolf threw his entire body-which now weighed near to thirty stone- at Sunda who only just managed to turn into a shadow at the last second. Wolf crashed into a dozen of the wards crushing them in seconds. Oromis had poured a great deal of the energy stored in Naegling into those wards.]_

Sunda: _[As Wolf charged a second time] _Okay, think of a plan, think of a plan. SHADOW GLARE OF DOOM! _[The effect was nil] _Shadow sink! _[She sank into the ground and came out again five hundred metres in the distance.] _Letta! _[Wolf didn't even slow down unlike that tree] _Wow, the Ancient Language really is fallible.

Suprise mystery guest: Need some help?

Sunda _[spinning around]: _Le gasp! Captain Pickles?

Captain Pickles: The very same. Now come on, I'll distract him, you charge up for your most powerful shadow attack.

Sunda: Umm, okay.

_[Sunda runs over to a patch of grass some metres distance as Captain Pickles runs to Wolf who was already recovering from Sunda's sudden disappearance.]_

Captain Pickles: Pickle barrage! _[He jumped a swiping paw and ran up Wolf's hairy arm. He got to his face and pounded twelve dozen punches into Wolf's eyes.]_

Wolf: _[Cries out in pain and shock before opening his mouth and firing a beam of pure white light that nearly incinerated the Captain of all Pickles]_

Captain Pickles: Wowah! Toastifying!

_[Sunda looked up in surprise as she heard his exclamation, then-realising that the energy beam was coming straight for her-jumped to her left and narrowly avoided a date with Death]_

Sunda: Hey! Capn' P! Your old humour is back!

Captain Pickles in the third dimension: Indeed it is!

Sunda:_ [scurries into a small patch of shadow] _You sure you can distract him long enough?

Cap'n P: Shoorey! But hurry, and don't forget to take your time!_ [pickle wink]_

Sunda:_ [muttering to herself] _Yes, that's very encouraging. Trust your life to a crazy pickle, why dontcha?_ [takes a deep breath and literally begins absorbing every patch of shadow in the vicinity]_

Wolf:_ [snarls at Cap'n P]_

Cap'n P:_ [makes placating motions while at the same time insulting him] _Think you're so big huh? With your thirty stone bulk and your claws that can slice mountains in half?_ [jumps away from a negligent paw swipe that could easily have killed him] _Ooooh, can't touch this!_ [proceeds to dodge thousands of slashes performed in seconds by breakdancing then calls to Sunda] _How's it going?

Sunda: Shut up, I'm concentrating!

Cap'n P: Okey dokey!_ [dodges another beam of lethal light, this one bloodred]_

Sunda:_ [stands, eyes still shut tight] _Okay, Captain, duck and cover!

Captain Pickles: _[rolls into a small ball and vanishes]_

Wolf:_ [leans over to take a bite out of Cap'n P]_

Sunda:_ [opens her eyes, which have turned completely black] _Hey, Wolfie!

Wolf: _[turns to face Sunda] [growls deep in his throat – an animal sound of pure menace]_

Sunda:_ [with shadows swirling around her outstretched hands, incongruous in the stark, otherwise shadowless light] _Catch!_ [flings her hands toward Wolf, discharging the shadows from her hands with an incomprehensible shout]_

Wolf:_ [howls in pain and rage as the shadows strike him head-on] [collapses, unconscious]_

Sunda:_ [falls to her knees, breathing heavily] _Okay, Captain Pickles. It's safe now.

Captain Pickles: _[reappears from his protective position] _You called me Captain Pickles.

Sunda: _[wearily] _Yes.

Captain Pickles: Not Cap'n P.

Sunda:_ [now a little irritably] _Yes.

Captain Pickles: _[punches the air in victory] _WOOHOO!

Sunda: _[chuckles] _Yeah, well, don't get used to it._ [begins to slur her words slightly] _You tell anyone, an' I'll kill ya.

Captain Pickles:_ [grins] _That's my Sunda._ [flashback to chapter four!]_

Sunda:_ [groans]_ Don't even start._ [her words are slurring even more now]_

Captain Pickles: Fine. Don't let me have any fun._ [folds arms and sticks his lack-of-a-nose in the air]_

Sunda: Good pickle-dude. 'm g'nna take a nap now...shadow-battling really take it outta ya..._[sinks into a reclining position]_

Captain Pickles: What about Wolf and the rest of the group?

Sunda: Don' worry bout him. He ain't goin' anywhere 'n' if you'd get the group, that'd be greeeeeaat..._[passes out]_

Captain Pickles: _[looks at the camera and shrugs] _Well, I don't have anything better to do, do I?_ [walks away]_

Izzy:_ [exhales a breath] _He's down! She did it!

Everyone:_ [celebrates in their own fashion. There is much cheering, dancing, and just plain yelling]_

Captain Pickles:_ [strides into the group]_

Angela (who was released from her emo dungeon upon Wolf's transformation):_ [squeals] _Captain Pickles!_ [scoops him up into a hug]_

Captain Pickles:_ [wriggles] _Leggo!

Angela:_ [pouts] _Why?

Captain Pickles: Because if you don't, I'll never acknowledge your existence again!

Angela: _[puts him down and sulks]_ Fine! I'm going back to my emo dungeon! It appreciates me!_ [disappears]_

Captain Pickles:_ [muttering under his breath] _Good riddance._ [to the group] _Sunda says to come with me.

Murty: Where is she?

Captain Pickles: Unconscious after her epic shadow battle of epicness._ [hey, you're copying me!]_

_[hey, didn't you get fired?]_

_[uh...]_

_[hey, he did!]_

_[JUMP 'IM!]_

_[*squeal of fear*]_

_[*epic narrator battle*]_

Oromis: Whoa...

Will: Epic...

Eragon: Applesauce...

Captain: Come on, let's go.

_[Everyone marches (figuratively speaking) off to the stretch of beach where Sunda and Wolf lie. That didn't quite come out right...NO GIGGLING!]_

_[that's what she said...]_

_[SHUT UP, BOB! *pwn*]_

Alyss: Now what?

Captain Pickles: Now we rest. Set wards against whatever beasts stalk the night, and rest.

Horace: I'm gonna stay up if it's all the same to you. I don't put my faith in muttery mumbo-jumbo.

Murty: Oh, shut up._ [raises his right hand – the one with the gedwëy ignasia on it] _Slytha._ [gedwëy ignasia glows]_

Horace:_ [collapses onto the sand, snoring]_

Will:_ [appreciatively] _Nice.

Murty: Thanks.

Arya: You know what?

Eragon: What?

Arya: Screw sleeping, let's PARTY!

Alyss: You know what? I might be able to tolerate you after all.

Halt: But...why?

All females: _[roll their eyes in tandem]_

Arya: Cuz we didn't get ourselves killed.

All females: DUH.

Halt: _[nods as if he understands] _Ah. Right. Of course.

Murty:_ [rolls his eyes] _Dude, don't even try.

Halt: Okay.

_[An awesome party begins]_

Sunda:_ [wakes up to Horace (who was woken at the outset by a reluctant Murty) about two inches from her face] [yells and punches Horace in the nose]_

Horace:_ [cups his tender olfactory organ] _Jeesh, you didn't have to hit me!

Sunda: Yes I did!

Murty: _[smirks] _C'mon, Horace, you knew what you were getting into.

Horace: _[sighs] _I suppose I did.

Sunda:_ [is now standing]_ What do you..._[trails off as she notices the party] _Party?

Murty: Party.

Sunda: _[shrugs]_ Well, it's as good a way as any to wait for moonset!

_[Some time later, as the moon is a finger's width from the horizon...]_

Gilan: So, Sunda...

Sunda: Yah?

Gilan: Just how powerful was your last attack?

Sunda: Oh, just about powerful enough to destroy this quarter of the UNIVERSE!

Gilan: _[almost speechless] _So if you had missed...  
Sunda: Exactly.

Gilan: Hmm, it shows how powerful Wolf is when he's a werewolf, huh?

Sunda: Yup! But I doubt he'll be getting up from that one!__

[Everyone laughs]

[Wolf gets up]

Characters: Ah, foohey.

Wolf: _[blood-curdling howl]_

Sunda: Ah, bum-baskets.

Wolf: _[faces the group and snarls. His muscles visibly bunch as he prepares to leap]_

Random car:_ [falls from the sky with a cartoonish whistling sound and lands on Wolf, knocking him unconscious]_

Characters:_ [blink] [blink]_

Sunda: Hey, you're the car Wolf discriminated against in chapter ten!

Car: Yeah, and now he got what he deserves!_ [rolls away blaring Evanescence's "Lithium" at top volume]_

Crowley: Well.

Oromis: That was...

Both together: Typical.

Sunda:_ [rolls her eyes] _I think you guys are getting too used to this. Now, question!

_[Everyone snaps to attention]_

Sunda: Who scares you more – me, or Wolf?

Gilan: Umm...

Arya: Uuhhh...

Izzy: Mmm...

Everyone: _[falls to the ground in throes of undecidedness]_

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I didn't put this at the top like I usually do because I didn't want to interrupt the fight. We're getting closer, people! Only a few thousand more words! That's what's planned anyways...at this rate, who knows how long it's gonna take us to get anywhere! lol :D**

**A/N: Ow mah head! That was fun, but now I has the bra-bra-bra-braiiiii-nn-n-n-n ..dam AGE!**

* * *

_[Hours after the moon had set, the exhausted characters had fallen asleep and Oromis had collapses after being the heart of the party...somehow... Wolf's eyes opened.]_

Wolf: _[eyes bulge open suddenly and brow crackingly] _**OW!**

All rangers woken by the sudden shout: **IT'S ALIVE!**

_[Everyone else begins to wake up from the volume of the screams]_

Alyss: Well of course he's alive, duh.

Crowley: Well how were we supposed to know?

Arya: His breathing.

Crowley: Oh yeah. The living breathe... I'm going to have to go work this out.

Dark Pickle: Why did you all forget about me?

Sunda: Hey yeah! Izzy got her emo back, you're no longer the emo.

Dark Pickle: Your point being?

Sunda: You have no further purpose of being here! Prepare to be assimilated!

Dark Pickle: _[quickly flicks through a dictionary and screams] _You're psychotic!

Wolf: And you're abrading!

Dark Pickle: Well you're discountenacing!

Eragon: And you're... a... moron...

_[All turn to look at him]_

Dark Pickle: Lol, I win!_ [disappears]_

Sunda: Oh thanks a lot Eragon, you made us LOSE.

Eragon: _[Looking ashamed] _I'll just go back to being the Mutt again.

Arya: Yes you will.

Mutt: Woof.

_[Wolf looks around quizically]_

Wolf: Hey, wasn't it just night a second ago?

Oromis: ...he doesn't remember...

Wolf: _[scratches head] _And I don't remember The Bay of Banana peeps to have this many craters either...

Halt: **YOU TURNED INTO A WEREWOLF AND NEARLY KILLED US ALL!**

Horace: Lycanthropy, a disturbing result of stem cell practice.

Murty: Shut. Up. Horace.

Wolf: Well I told you. I. Am. A. Werewolf. Wolf. Guy. Thing.

Sudden voice: _And I'm a banana!_

_[Everyone spins around looking for the sudden source of the voice]_

Gilan: What did you say this place is called again Wolf?

Sunda: Everybody, stay absolutely still. This is The Bay of Banana Peeps.

Wolf: The banana peeps are the greatest spies/paparazzi/photographers in the history of this The Crossover World.

Mystical Choir: _The place of much randomnesssssssssssss..._

Wolf: **Shh!**

Mystical Choir: Sorry man. We'll be quiet, I promise.

Wolf: Right, anyway. Here's an OOC briefing into what we are facing with the banana spies:

The Banana's are elite spies. You cannot capture one

The only Banana spy who was ever captured was disabled, paralyzed from the neck down, was born without limbs, tied down, mummified with unbreakable rope, placed in a strait jacket, had a sign above him saying he was there, was in a coma, senile, had had his memory wiped clean, stunned by a stun grenade detonated by himself, his heart had stopped beating two hours prior, he had forgotten all his training, had arthritis, needed dentures and wanted to be captured.

They nearly missed him despite being incredibly well trained and regarded as among the world's best trackers with blood hounds as well as banana hounds who have the ability to track a banana within a fifty mile radius without a scent. As soon as they caught him however, he killed himself to stop them getting information. It was later discovered that he was actually an unqualified recruit of the Banana spies who had trained him for no more than seven minutes.

The average Elite Banana spy is trained for more than eleventy one years.

They take pictures of everything you do, take it to an archive in their secretive base, and basically possess knowledge of everything that has ever happened on this planet and all others. We've got a tough fight ahead of us.

Wolf: Hey, did I just try to end the chapter there?

Sunda: Yup, it's only been 500 words.

Will: Don't be lazy.

_[Wolf rounded on Will with a face so intense that it could bend aluminium]_

_[Hey!]_

Wolf: Oh come on!

_[Aluminum]_

_[ALUMINIUM]_

_[Sulfur!]_

_[SULPHUR!]_

_[Both narrators jump at each other and fly towards the CWHACMR, and I'm the latest narrator!]_

Everyone: What a twist!

Banana spies: _Talk in unison..._

_[they flit away]_

Alyss: Ookay, weird...

Wolf: Toldja. _[turns to Sunda] _You do it to me.

Sunda: _[Grumpyafies]_

Angela: _[breaking from her prison] _So what do we do now O' wise and wonderful Wolf?

Wolf: Uhh, I think you mean "what are _you_ going to do."

Sunda: Whatchyou talkin' 'bout Wolf?

Wolf: I'm going back to my dojo. The 8:30 lesson is about to start... _[poofs away]_

Gilan: There sure is a lot of poofing going on in this show...

Crowley: Lolwut?

_[Thousands of pinpricks of light from invisible cameras start flashing everywhere]_

Izzy: Sooo... whaddawedo?

Sunda: RUN TO THE OCEAN!

_[Meanwhile in The Dojo]_

Wolf: _[gestures to class] _Ah, I'm so glad you could all make it!

Lead Singer: Uhm, Wolf _[quails under unnerving gaze] _uhh, sir? _[Continued gaze] _Sifu? _[Gaze doth continue] _Sensei?

Wolf: Yeeesss...?

Lead Singer: Can we take it easy this session? You kind of hospitalised us yesterday.

_[Nods all around]_

Wolf: Hmm, let-me-think-about-that-no. Today is toughening training!

Drummer: But yesterday was toughening training!

Wolf: Hey! IRL I had my sensei put me in a submission and he pushed it all the way until my kneecap nearly popped out. It took me five minutes to tap. I did kickboxing the following morning.

Lead Singer: But... you shot me in the foot...

Wolf: _[Shoots him in the arm] _Any further questions?

_[Terrified head shakes]_

* * *

**A/N: Lol poor, poor band...You just gotta feel sorry for them. Stuck at Wolf's questionable mercy. XD Meanwhile, on the ocean shore...**

* * *

_[Everyone is running into the surf]_

Gilan: All we're getting is wet!

Sunda: So?

Gilan: So I really hope you have a plan besides running to the ocean!

Sunda:_ [cheeky grin] _Course I do!

Gilan: Well, then, implement it! In case you haven't noticed, it's getting harder to run through the water AND those banana things are right behind us!

Banana spies:_ [synchronous outraged squeal]_

Sunda:_ [ignoring the Banana Peeps] _Oh, trust me, I'm working on it.

Mutt: WORK FASTER!

Sunda:_ [glares at the Mutt]_

Mutt: I mean...woof?

Banana spies: Woof...

Sunda: Better.

_[They run for a few moments in (relative) silence as Sunda mutters to herself]_

Sunda: Okay, everyone dive into the water, but don't hold your breath!

_[Quizzical looks]_

Sunda: I'm serious!

_[Everyone stops running and looks at Sunda as if she's lost what few marbles she possessed]_

Banana spies: Crazy leader...

Sunda: I'm no crazier than I was at the beginning of this thing! Look-_ [grabs the person closest to her – Angela – and dives into the waves]_

Everyone still standing: O_O

Angela:_ [comes up laughing] _C'mon, guys! Her whatever-she-did lets us breathe underwater! And I'm not even any wetter than I was when I went in!_ [shakes her dry curls demonstratively]_

_[Everyone except Horace looks at each other, shrugs, and dives in]_

Horace: No way! There is** no way** I'm-

Murty:_ [springs up and grabs Horace's shirt, interrupting] _Oh, come on._ [yanks Horace down]_

**Back at the dojo...**

Wolf: _[stands over a bleeding guitarist] _Tsk tsk, man.

Guitarist: _[sobbing] _I'm sorry! Whatever happened, whatever I did, I'm sorry!

Wolf: _[tilts his head to the side] _I'll accept your apology...

Guitarist:_ [sighs in relief]_

Wolf: ...never._ [nods to himself] _Yes, never works for me. Is that convenient for you?

Guitarist: _[whimpers]_

Wolf: Good._ [turns to the rest of the band] _Who's next?

Band:_ [scrambles away, out of the dojo altogether]_

Wolf:_ [sighs] _Ah, well. Looks like it's just you and me, good buddy._ [turns to the guitarist]_

Guitarist:_ [starts crying again]_

**In the ocean...**

Horace: _[is holding his breath desperately]_

Murty: Oh, for cryin' out loud._ [punches Horace in the stomach]_

Horace:_ [doubles over and sucks in...well, not water, exactly, but not air either. Um...he sucks in oxygen, let's leave it at that]_

Horace: What the_ [censored]!_

Distant voice, garbled by the water: No profanity!

Sunda:_ [shakes a finger] _Naughty, naughty, potty-mouth Horace.

Horace: But you never-

Sunda: Don't question me.

Horace: _[shuts his pie hole]_

Sunda: Good boy. Now, as for your punishment-

_[hey!]_

Sunda: Whatwhasaywhonow?

_[*growl* You know who I am!]_

Sunda:_ [peers into the Narrator Box] _Bob? Is that you?

_[yes!]_

_[sorry, I'm trying to get him- OW!]_

_[you deserved it!]_

Sunda: HeyheyHEY! No fighting!

_[thank you]_

Sunda: Just because I said that doesn't mean I'm on your side.

_[hmph. You never were]_

Sunda: And what is THAT supposed to mean?

_[hi, it's me, the new guy – sorry to interrupt this little argument, but I feel it's my duty to inform the readers that the characters are following the above exchange like spectators at a tennis match]_

Sunda: Thank you, Jim.

_[ahem?]_

Sunda: Yes, Bob?

_[it MEANS that you always took the other narrators' sides in everything!]_

Sunda: Now, hang on, Bob...

_[NO! I will NOT "hang on, Bob"!]_

Sunda: Is there any particular point to this little display?

_[you bet]_

Sunda: Well, what is it?

_[you...you...]_

_Sunda: I what?_

_[you DUMPED me!]_

Characters: Le gasp!

_[le gasp!]_

_[le gasp!]_

Sunda: Now, I-

_[for Nar! And he's not even in school! __**I**__ graduated!]_

Characters: Le gaspy gasp!

_[le gaspy gasp!]_

_[le gaspy gasp]_

Sunda: Hold on! I-

_[oh, save it. There's nothing more you can say]_

Sunda: Um, even if I DID "dump" you, as you say, wouldn't the melodrama be MY job?

_[oh, no]_

Sunda: Really?

_[really. The melodrama is the responsibility of whoever gets dumped. Not necessarily the girl]_

Sunda: Riiight...

_[I'm serious. You should've read the manual before you dumped me]_

Sunda: Read my lips: **I. Did not. DUMP YOU!**

_[*sniffle* sure. Yeah. Whatever. Just BROKE MY HEART INTO A MILLION LITTLE PIECES AND STOMPED ON THEM!]_

Sunda:_ [exasperated growl]_

_[oh, this is familiar]_

Sunda: And what is **THAT** supposed to mean?

_[oh, nothing]_

Sunda:_ [irritably] _It is not.

_[*dryly* How perceptive of you]_

Sunda:_ [tosses her hands in the...erm...water?] _What does it mean, then?

_[it means that when I __**tried**__ to get you to take me back, you just growled exasperatedly at me!]_

Sunda: Mhm, mhm, and whyyyy don't I remember this? Oh, I don't know, maybe because it ISN'T TRUE!

Halt:_ [muttering] _Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Sunda:_ [rounds on Halt] _What did you just say?

Halt: Uh...

Mutt: What he means is that if you WERE in a relationship with a narrator, you don't have to hide it anymore. Nevermind that it's illicit and just plain weird, considering he was essentially your employee. It's okay._ [puts his hand on Sunda's upper arm] _We understand.

Characters:_ [stare at the Mutt]_

_[*stares at the Mutt*]_

_[*stares at the Mutt*]_

_[*stares at the Mutt*]_

Sunda:_ [stares at the Mutt's hand on her arm]_

Mutt:_ [hastily withdraws said appendage]_

Sunda:_ [stares at the Mutt]_

**Back at the dojo...**

Wolf:_ [pauses] _I get the feeling we're being watched now and that this viewing is interrupting something rather interesting.

Guitarist:_ [is unconscious, and so doesn't care]_

Wolf:_ [considers the guitarist] _It's no fun if you're unconscious. I think I'll check in on the others while we wait for your friends to show up._ [pulls a mouse out of his jacket pocket and hands him a piece of cheese] [looks at the camera] _What? The rent for this fur o' mine is due._ [holds the mouse up to eye level and murmurs something under his breath] _Now, you crazy people, you. What are you up to?_ [stares into the eyes of the mouse] [mumbling] _Why are you all staring at the Mutt?_ [shrugs and pockets the mouse] _Whatevs. I'll find out later._ [seems to notice your – yes, you, the readers! – stares for the first time] _What? He also helps me spy on – I mean, scry on people.

* * *

**A/N: Blame Wolf for his scrying tool. Wasn't my idea. XD**

* * *

A/N: What the words above me say are true. I also created that mouse, well, he lets me live in this fur o' mine which is irritating because I made him with mah brain. Funshonnin correct it doth.

* * *

Sunda: **I'M INCOMMUNICADO!**

Everyone: **NOOOOOOO!**

Wolf: _[poofing out of nowhere right between Alyss and Will who were totally just making out]_ But that means that after my chapter we'll have to wait until... _[checks Sunda's profile]_ **THE 1ST OF JANUARY 2011! I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!** Besides, I get lonely with only this rent collecting mouse for company.

Mutt: _[pats Wolf on his arm]_

Wolf: _[Points to unconscious guitarist in the eyes of his mouse]_

Mutt: _[Hastily withdraws appendage]_

Wolf: Swiftly you learn, like the butterfly.

Crowley: Lolwut?

Captain Pickles: _[Also poofing between Alyss and Will] _And smoothly, like the chinchilla, you cry.

Crowley: **LOLWUT?**

Captain Pickles: It's supposed to be a speedily thrown together nonsense song created by Wolf while he's listening to 'I am the Walrus' by The Beatles!

Halt: Great, more songs.

Wolf: Just you wait until I get to Blue Bird (Ikimono Gakari).

Sunda: Sounds interesting. Care to sing it?

All but Captain Pickles who disappears in a blinding crack of magnesium on fire: **NOOOO!**

Wolf: Yay!

Habata itara modorana ito itte  
Mezashita no wa aoi aoi ano sora

_[music]_

Sunda: _[joining with a flourish]_

Ranashimi wa mada oboerarezu  
Setsunasa wa ima tsukami hajimeta  
Anata e to daku kono kanjou mo  
Ima kotoba ni kawatte iku

Michi naru sekai no yume kara  
Mezamete kono hane wo hiroge tobitatsu

Crowley: _[Now screaming at The Great Ranger in the Sky to strike him down]_

Habata itara modorana ito itte  
Mezashita no wa shiroi shiroi ano kumo  
tsukinuketara mitsukaru to shiite

Furikiru hodo aoi aoi ano sora  
aoi aoi ano sora,aoi aoi ano sora

Aisou sukita you na oto de  
Sabireta furui mado wa kowareta

Alyss, Arya and Angela in unison:

Miakita kago wa hora sutete iku  
Furikaeru koto wa mou nai  
Takanaru kodou ni kokyuu wo azukete  
Kono mado wo kette tobitatsu

Will _[in solo with his incredibly high pitched voice]:_

Kakedashitara te ni dekiru to itte  
Izanau no wa tooi tooi ano koe  
Mabushi sugita anata no te mo nigitte  
Motomeru hodo aoi aoi ano sora

_[music]_

Halt, Gilan, Horace, Murty and Oromis:

Ochite iku to wakatte ita  
Soredemo hikari wo oi tsudzukete iku yo

All: 

Habata itara modoranai ito itte  
Sagashita no wa shiroi shiroi ano kumo  
Tsukinuketara mitsukaru to shiitte  
Furikiru hodo aoi aoi ano sora

Aoi aoi ano sora  
Aoi aoi ano sora

_[concluding music]_

Wolf: Alright that's enough. _[gives 'the' nod to Sunda who slaps everyone]_

Sunda: That's enough dawdling, we must _swim/float/sink/trudge/walk/headbutt _our way to the sunken city of Chadlantis.

Wolf: YAY!

Sunda: What?

Wolf: Ikimono gakari is on!

Arya: But we just sang it!

Wolf: Well now it's on my i-pod, sung by far better artists than _you._

Arya: _[sputtering] _But the elves are supposed to be the BEST singers.

Wolf: _[Raising the paw] _Talk to the paw sister.

Arya: _[Throwing her second princess pout] _It's not fair!

Wolf: Ja, ja.

Sunda: Onwards!

_[And so our brave heroes swam/floated/sunk/trudged/walked and headbutted their way to the sunken city of Chadlantis. When they were-oh song ended- but a few metres from the gates that depicted an epic battle between Chad the Great and The losers from Atlantis, Wolf stopped them and turned to address them all.]_

Wolf: Children, Heroes, bedwetters, narrators, Sunda, Mouse and Mutt, we've come a long way in one day and a single morning. We've passed our mark of 10,000 words now and *sniffle*, I don't know how much further I can go without realising that this is the wrong sunken city.

Gilan: Wait, we're at the wrong underwater city?

Wolf: We are?

Gilan: You just said we were!

Wolf: I did?

_[Sunda slaps him upside the head]_

Wolf: Ja, ja. Beat up the sunken old wolf why don't you.

Halt: We're all sunken...

Voice from somewhere, possibly beyond the stars: Perhaps my... necroman-

Wolf: **ABABABABBABABAB! **Little less use of the _'Ne'_ word, if you catch my drift?

Angela: Whawastha'?

Wolf: Noooothin'...

Voice from beyond the stars: Ooookay, forgot, she hates necroman-

Wolf: **ABABABABBABABAB!**

Voice from beyond the stars: Umm, neck massaging?

Angela: I like neck massages...

_[The mysterious voice steps out from a pillar]_

Voice who is currently an unnamed character: YES! I am George! The great and powerful... neck... massager... and this is my unde-

Wolf: **ABABABABBABABAB!**

George: un...determined... life filled... neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings...

Sunda: Umm, I know Wolf pretty well and he doesn't tend to bring in characters with normal names for seemingly no reason... so... why are you here?

George: Real life friend, bugged him waaay too much to make me a character.

Wolf: You're damn skippy you did.

George: Well I won...

Murty: Back to the script please? _[Flicks a bundle of papers in his hand, they're pretty unordered and if you read one chances are you wouldn't survive much longer]_

George: Yes, well... _[looks through his script] _I am here to tell you that I AM THE NEW CHARACTER!

Sunda: _[Now carrying a clip board and wearing half moon spectacles] _And just what do you think you can offer to the group?

George: Well, I graduated from... Neck massaging University with As in... Re...duction in... pain of neck... thingies... umm, reanimating... bliss in neck... joints, neck... psychology and neck... philosophy...

Sunda: And just what kind of power does your neck massaging contain?

George: _[Looks shifty for a moment] _Stuff.

Sunda: Do you have a previous criminal record that we should know about?

George: Define criminal record.

Undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings: _HE COLLECTS DEAD BODIES!_

Angela: What?

George: Yes! So that I can study the anatomy of human... necks...

Angela: Ah.

Sunda: I suppose you handle them with prior permission from the family?

George: Define family.

Undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings:_CLOSELY RELATED MEMBERS TO THE DECEASED._

George: Well then, suure. Whatever you say swee-

_[A paw fastens itself to his mouth]_

Wolf: I reeeeally wouldn't.

Sunda: _[Staring with eyes of... ice] _Anything else?

George: Umm, I'm the plot device, know how to get to the real underwater city and am a neck massager.

Sunda: Welcome to the team.

_[TIIIME SKIIIP!]_

Wolf: Ok, seriously. All you've done is give neck massages to people in the two hours since you've arrived. You haven't name your undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings in that time and we aren't a step closer to the _real_ underwater city.

George: Are we? Look around you Wolfy. While you were busy not taking any notice of where we were and what we were doing you failed to realise that my magical neck massages were transporting us to the actual underwater city and naming my undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings, Frank.

Frank: _WE'RE WHERE WE STARTED._

George: Shut up Frank.

Will: I WANNA GO HOME! _[A puddle appears around his feet]_

Horace: Wha'? How? We're in the bottom of a sea, BREATHING, there's a skull that can talk aaand there are puddles at the bottom of the sea... MY SCIENCE DOES NOT COMPREHEND!

Murty _[who slips behind him]: _It's a kind of magic, magic!

Horace: NO IT ISN'T! THERE HAS TO BE SOME RATIONAL REASON TO THIS! To the knowledge mobile!

_[Horace runs to a parked car with big red letters on the side saying SCIENCE! He jumped in and drove off.]_

Everyone: ...

Murty: Do we reeeally have to get him?

Wolf: Yes, we all have to be present when the Talisman of Roxerness is activated and without Sunda's magic, he'll be crushed by the sheer pressure of an entire Ocean.

Murty: But seriously, it might not be such a bad thing...?

Wolf: AFTER HIM!

**A/N: **

**Ta ta!**

**A/N: I'm BAAAAAAACK! lolz**

**I am SOOOOOO SORRY I wasn't available for so long. Things...happened...ANYWHO! I have big plans for this chappie...BIIIIIIG plans...*evil cackle***

Sunda: Yayy, I'm back!

Wolf: GROUP HUG!

_[everyone stands around figiting]_

Wolf:_ [grabs Sunda's cattle prod]_ NOW!

Everyone:_ [scrambles into a group hug]_

Group Hug: Gnaww, fluffles!

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: _[poofs in]_ Fine. FLUFFY MOMENT! _[cackles] [disappears]_

Group Hug: Bye-bye!

Everyone: _[scrambles away from the hug]_

Wolf: So why were you gone?

Sunda: That's for me to know and you to wonder about. _[smiles sweetly and walks/swims away]_

Wolf: Why is she so infuriating?

Halt: Because she's a woman. Girl. Whatever, she's female.

Wolf:_ [glares at Halt and smacks him upside the head]_ That was a rhetorical question, old man.

Halt: _[unperturbed]_ Whatevs.

Sunda: Let's go, children.

Wolf:_ [rolls his eyes]_ You heard her. Let's go, children...and Halt.

Halt: Hey!

Wolf: Whatevs. Let's go find Horace.

_[TIIIIIIME SKIIIIIIP!]_

Sunda: You know who I can't stand?

Wolf: Who?

Sunda: That Piet Mondrian fella.

Wolf: Is it because of his style of Art?

Sunda: Yeah, he draws a few lines onto a Canvas and TA DA! Art. That isn't art.

Wolf: Well, I admit I don't like how he made loads of different pieces of art using the same technique and just putting them in different places, but it was very original and unique.

Sunda: It may have been 'original and unique' but it was just lines on paper. I can't respect that.

Wolf: You can't respect anything that you didn't make or have a connection to.

Sunda: Very, very true. _[smashes his skull with a studded club]_ Now that I can respect.

Wolf:_ [rolling around with his skull cracked in]_ Aand eet wath youu who deed eet. Yoouu jutht prooved meh pooint.

Sunda:_ [rolls eyes]_ And they say _I'm_ melodramatic.

Wolf: _[leaps up, perfectly fine]_ But you are, Sunda, you are.

Sunda:_ [mutters]_ Crazy Brit.

Wolf:_ [mutters]_ Crazy American.

_[glare o' death at each other]_

Halt:_ [mimes violinning]_

Wolf and Sunda: _[turn their glares o' death on Halt]_

Halt:_ [has his eyes closed, and so the double glare o' death is lost on him]_

Sunda and Wolf:_ [glance at each other]_

Sunda: Do you want to beat him up, or shall I?

Wolf: I have a better idea. George!

George: Whaddayawant?

Wolf: Pummel Halt, would you?

George:_ [grins evilly]_ Can I reanimate...his...overstressed neck muscles after?

Sunda: Better not go that far. Will would cry, and that's just not something I want to type about.

George: Fine. _[stalk/swims off screen right]_

_[debris – driftwood, kelp, squids, cows, tissue boxes, octopi, clamshells, laptop power supplies, wine glasses, Icelandic dirt, a Catalan-English dictionary, tourists, Scottish pine trees, a half-shorn sheep, headphones, tacos, waistcoats, telephones, the London Eye – fly across the screen as cartoonish sounds are heard]_

Wolf: It's also supposed to be a tree...

Sunda: Shut up.

Wolf: Kay.

George:_ [comes back to the group with a satisfied smile]_ I'm happy now.

Halt:_ [drags himself over to the group][gasps out]_ I'm...not...

Sunda: Good. Now get in the wagon.

Murty: We still have the wagon? I thought we left that behind in chapter five!

Sunda:_ [quirks – that's such a fun word! – an eyebrow]_ Do ya reeeeeeeeaally wanna get inta that with me?

Murty: O_O No, ma'am.

Sunda: No, ma'am? NO, MA'AM? _I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE AT THAT! I AM __SO__ MUCH MORE THAN A MA'AM! I AM ONLY __THE__ DAUTR ABR DU SUNDAVAR, AND SHE IS NOT A MERE __MA'AM!__ SHE IS A-_

Wolf: That's it!

Sunda:_ [rounds on Wolf]_ YOU _DARE_ INTERRUPT ME?_ I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THAT!_

Wolf: Whatever, Queen of Hearts. _[gives Halt an I-dare-you-to-comment look]_

Halt:_ [is unconscious]_

Wolf: _[looks into the distance and gives a two fingered salute]_

Sunda: WHAT WAS-

Mysterious Black-Gloved Agents:_ [come in silently and, after one wraps a black-gloved hand around Sunda's mouth, start dragging her away]_

Sunda: _[kicks viciously and screams through the hand as she is taken]_

Everyone:_ [is silent]_

Murty: What just happened?

Wolf:_ [smiles, well, wolfishly]_ Exactly what it looked like.

Alyss: _[sighs]_ We have to go get her now, don't we?

Wolf: Nah, I'm sure she'll turn up sometime.

Will: What about Horace?

Wolf: Well-

Knowledgemobile: Whee! _[zooms up to the group]_

Wolf: There he is now.

Horace:_ [staggers out of the knowledgemobile]_ So...much...science..._[collapses]_

Wolf:_ [sighs]_ Load 'im in the wagon with Halt and let's get out of here.

Mutt:_ [in the middle of loading Horace into the wagon]_ Where are we going?

Wolf:_ [looks at George]_

George:_ [looks up from his enchilada]_ Uumm..._[points]_ That way.

Wolf: You heard him. Let's go.

**A/N: I know this isn't a thousand words, but I'm stopping here for two reasons. One, Wolf's last segment _technically_ ran over, and I'm not distputing his "the song doesn't count" stance, but still. Two, I simply have no more inspiration. BAD MUSE! YOU'RE _FIRED_! Ahem. ^&^**

* * *

**A/N: Poppycock... ooooh, a bit of meh Britishness!**

**I really have no idea where or who I am so if anyone can tell me, that'll be really great!**

* * *

Wolf:  Onwards! TOOO VICTOOOORY!

Halt: _[suddenly conscious again] _You know, you can't really say that, you just said something in the previous chapter.

Wolf: I most certainly can! Watch:

Wolf: You see, I can do annnnything I want, BECAUSE I=AWESOME!

George: You are so full of cr-

Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!

George: _[Looks up from wincing] _You know, I'm going to enjoy killing you... _[sinister smile]_

Gilan: _[looks up] _Hmm, something familiar there...

Profanity Sheep: _[Looks scared and backs away before poofing out]_

George: I thought so...

Horace: _[groans]_

_[Go help him Murty...]_

Murty: But-

Sunda: _[appearing behind him] _**DO IT!**

Murty: _[Jumps a metre into the air screaming like a little girl] _Waíse Heill!

Horace: 42!

Wolf: _[shakes his head] _Dude. Too much Hitchhiker's guide...

Horace: Sowwy.

Frank: _SILENCE INSOLENT CHILD!_

Horace: Oh, hello there. I didn't notice you BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OPTICAL ILLUSION!

_[Silence]_

A really well done optical illusion.

_[Silence]_

Frank: _I'M NOT AN ILLUSION! I'M A MACGUFFIN!_

_[Saphira poofs in]_

Saphira: _Me too!_

Eragon: Hey Saphira!

Saphira: _SHUT UP! Stop smothering me!_

_[Saphira poofs away]_

Eragon: Aww...

Sunda:  Ahem, time schedule?

Time schedule: Whadd'ya wan'?

Sunda: We all gotta stick to ya so... _[pulls out some glue] sowwy..._

Wolf: You're taking that a little _too_ seriously, but we do need to get a move on. _[conjures a loooong travelator] _Step on... AT YOUR OWN PERIL!

_[Lightning flashes and thunder rolls. Horace cries at the illogicalness of it] _

George: All abooooooard!

_[all aboarded]_

_[The travelator started to move forward at an agonisingly slow speed]_

Eragon: Oh God! The agony!

Arya: _[who's huggling Will] _Be brave Willums!

Sunda: _[sniggers] _

Alyss: _[slaps Arya and takes Will to the back of the group]_

Crowley: Lol.

Halt: _[nudges Wolf] _Can we, uh, go faster maybe?

Wolf: Oh? You want fast? I can give you fast! _[Flashback to the Alliteration Area]_

Sunda: _[Pointed glare] _I'm going to ignore that...

Wolf: _[Pointed glare back] _And I'm going to ignore THAT! [_Pointedly points at the ellipses that followed her sentence]_

Crowley: Oh never mind. I'll figure it out later.

_[Travelator increases its speed to HYKLASPACE!]_

_[Everyone is thrown to the floor but somehow manages to not be knocked off of the moving floor]_

Murty: 'Da hell is Hyklaspace?

_[Exactly 20 times faster than the speed of light... and three quarters!]_

Horace: But... that's impossible!

Wolf: _[suddenly whips around and points at Sunda] _IF YOU ADD A 'Y' TO YOUR NAME YOU'RE SUNDAY!

_[Sunda recoils in surprise before floundering around looking for an equally clever comeback but was defeated by lack of time]_

Sunda: Well, well... YOU'RE A WOLF!

Wolf: _[pauses and thinks for a moment] _So I am...

_[two hours of mind rendingly fast speed on a travelator]_

Wolf: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're here!

_[Travelator suddenly stops]_

_[Everyone is thrown forward]_

Collective: Oof.

_[Halt looks up first]_

Halt: Hey, wait a second, this is Chadlantis!

Wolf: Yes, the sunken city of Chadlantis where we will probably find the Talisman of Roxerness and- _[is cut off by a sudden thought] _Hold on. I told her I'd do this is she didn't stop irritating me, I think it was something to do with a chibi drawing of me, Sunda and Captain Pickles.

_[Wolf snaps his fingers and transports Rowana Renee into the story]_

Rowana: Who's-a-what-now?

Sunda: HEEEEEEY! _[tackle glomps Rowana]_

Rowana: _[managing to push Sunda off of her and looks at Wolf] _Hey! Did you transport me to the Crossover World-

Mystical Choir: _The place of much randomnesssssssssssss..._

Rowana: After I specifically told you that I would murder you for doing that?

Wolf: _[looks shifty] _Ya.

Rowana: _[frowns] _Well then, by order of the Fanfiction code of status, I (who has written more stories and collectively more words than you have) am of higher ranking than you and so: _[kicks Wolf in the fork of his legs] _I WIN!

_[Rowana poofs out of the crossover world in triumph]_

Profanity bunny: _[poofs in to the CW] _NO PROFANITY! (as Wolf had been mumbling some indiscernible things)

Profanity Sheep: _[poofs in]_... oh... well this is kinda awkward...

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: _[poofs in] _Umm, well this is a first: **RETRIBUTION!**

_[Profanity bunny tackles the Profanity sheep and they both get knocked out of the Crossover world]_

George: ... seven hells of Pangranazine, hey Wolf?

Wolf: mmmhmhmmmhmmhmhmhhhmmhmmmmmmm...

_[Murty saw his opportunity, ran up and kicked Wolf]_

Oromis: What is this? The beat Wolf up day?

Gilan _[Who is busy punching Wolf] _Yes.

_[And so, everyone formed into a large crowd around Wolf and started beating up the practically unconscious Wolf for a good half hour before he finally got bored and decided to retaliate]_

Wolf: _[amid the punches and kicks] _It's my turn now!

_[He switches to a well manoeuvred spinning drop kick which launches everyone back a few metres]_

Will: Orsum.

Wolf: Damn skippy. Now let's all go into the ruins of Chadlantis shall we?

Gilan: Will there be singing?

Wolf: There might be some singing.

_[And so they all skipped off into the distance while a single scream could be heard]_

Everyone who is not a writer of this story: ...

Wolf: Wait... when did Sunda get back from those gloved minions?

Sunda: I'm Sunda. Did you really think the BGA could stop me for long?

Wolf: Not really...

* * *

**A/N: Now, I took an excruciatingly long time to write this for absolutely no reason. I would like to thank Sunda for not getting overly upset about the long wait. Although I would like to remind her that she took longer after she went incommunicado and she can take this as my revenge. See ya later chumps.**

* * *

**A/N: Hey, at least _I_ have an excuse, mister. _You_ just took a long time.**

**And I have no idea where you are (koffthankGodkoff), but I hope I never go there...unless you're in someplace that's on my bucket list...in which case...I'll just have you routed out before I go. ^&^**

**O_O Beware...fangirlness be here...**

Halt:_ [looking up at the A/N] _What's a fangirl?

Wolf: Trust me, old man. You REEEEALLY don't wanna know.

Halt: But I doooooooooooooooo. _[frowns]_ That was very out of character for me.

Gilan: Dude. It's the Crossover World. There's no such thing as being in character here.

Halt: True, true...

Sunda: So, did you actually mean it when you said you want to know what a fangirl is?

Halt: Yes.

Sunda: Really?

Halt: Yes.

Sunda: You're sure?

Halt: YES!

Sunda: _[grins] _Fantastic!

Ninth Doctor: _[poofs in]_ Oi, that's MY catchphrase! YOU _[waggles finger at Sunda]_ are a thief, and that is not a good thing to be.

Tenth Doctor: _[poofs in]_ Oi, leave her alone! She's just a kid! And YOU _[points accusingly at Nine]_ really shouldn't be reprimanding ANYONE when it comes to stealing.

Wolf:_ [facepalm]_ Ah, great...here we go...

Nine: _[to Ten] _Like you can talk. And in my defense, Rose was just a kid when she saved the universe, remember? She-

Spoiler Saguaro: _[poofs in]_ SPOILER ALERT! _[slaps a piece of duck tape across Nine's mouth]_

Everyone: 0_0

Spoiler Saguaro: _[looks around]_ o_0 _[peevishly]_ What?

Horace: ...You're a cactus...

Spoiler Saguaro: Yeah. SO?

Horace: ...So...you're talking...

Spoiler Saguaro: Yup. Hey, you didn't have this issue with any of the other talking things. WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?

Horace: Um...I dunno...

Spoiler Saguaro: Hmph. _[disappears]_

Everyone: O_O

Nine: _[rips the duck tape off his mouth]_ Right then! We'll be off! _[smiles]_

_[nothing happens]_

Nine: _[turns to Ten, still smiling]_ How do we do that?

Ten: I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...but I have no idea.

Nine:_ [dryly] _Fantastic.

Eleventh Doctor:_ [poofs in]_ IIIIII DOOOOOO!

Nine and Ten: O_o

Ten: Are you wearing a..._fez?_

Eleven: Yes, I am. Fezzes are cool.

Ten: O_o Riiiight...

Nine: And bow ties? Are they "cool" too?

Eleven: Oi, don't dis the bow tie!

Nine:_[holds up hands]_ I'm not dissing the bow tie!

Ten:_ [rolls eyes and mutters to self] This_ is what I turn into?

Eleven: I heard that. That was rude.

Ten: Well, I meant it. So how do we leave?

Eleven: Ah...yes, well..._[whispers in Ten's ear]_

Ten: O_O Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.

Eleven:_ [makes a face]_ I wish.

Ten: But it doesn't even make any sense!

Eleven: What, and this whatever-it-is as a whole does?

Ten:_ [le sigh]_ Fine. _[takes a deep breath]_ **I am the Doctor and I have awesome hair. Your argument is invalid.**

Doctors:_ [disappear]_

Everyone: O_O

Sunda: _[is gaping attractively (note sarcasm – they _really_ need to invent a sarcasm font, btw)]_..._[epic fangirl squee]_

Everyone:_ [winces and covers their ears]_

Eleven:_ [poofs back in, holding his ears] [wondering] Blimey_, you've got lungs! _[scolding]_ I _need_ these eardrums! _[disappears again]_

Sunda:_ [is hyperventilating]_ O. M. G. _[squees again]_

Wolf: HeyheyHEY!

Sunda: WhatwhatWHAT?

Wolf:_ [hesitantly uncovers his ears]_ You can stop now.

Sunda: A fangirl never stops. ^&^

Wolf:_ [mutters darkly to self]_

Halt: What the _[censored]_ was that all about?

Sunda:_ [slaps him upside the head]_ Did you not notice the fangirlness of my squees?

Halt: ...Yes...I think...

Sunda:_ [rolls eyes]_ Whatever. The point is, I am a bona fide Doctor Who fangirl – and an obsessive one at that – and YOU, _[whirls around to point accusingly at Wolf]_ Articwolfstudios, can't say that I have no right to be a fangirl because I HAVE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE THUS FAR! AND MANY OF THEM MORE THAN ONCE! HAH!

Wolf: Whatevs.

Sunda: _[slaps him upside the head]_ Shut up.

Wolf: Never.

Sunda:_ [sticks tongue out]_ Fine, be that way._I_, for one, am not going to get sucked into- O_O

_[pause]_

Gilan: Erm...do I really want to ask?

Everyone in unison: No.

Sunda: _[simultaneously slaps everyone – just how, no one quite knows. But no one's asking]_ A song just came on...a song I think we should sing...and DANCE to!

Wolf:_ [groans]_ Oh, no. It's NOT-

Sunda:_ [grins evilly]_ It IS.

Izzy: Is it depressingly emo?

Sunda: No. It's about dancing.

Izzy: Oh. Well then leave me out of it.

Sunda: NEVAH! _[music begins]_

Izzy:_ [starts singing and doing a strange sort of dance – if it can even be _called_ a dance]_ Do-do-dooo-do-doo

Aoh-yeah-yeah

_[everyone starts doing a flappy sort of dance during the musical interlude]_

Izzy: Vi undrar är ni redo att vara med  
Armarna upp nu ska ni få se  
Kom igen  
Vem som helst kan vara med

Arya:_ [echoes]_ Vara med

Gilan: Så rör på era fötter _[writes on whiteboard "What the heck am I singing?"]_

Will: Oo-a-a-ah _[makes a face]_

Gilan: Och vicka era höfter _[whiteboard: "No, seriously, what?"]_

Oromis:_ [in his freakishly high voice] _La la la

Mutt:_ [does a sort of wiggly pseudo-dance move]_ Gör som vi  
Till denna melodi

Alyss: Oo-a-oo-a-ao

Sunda: _[singing with relish]_ Dansa med oss  
Klappa era händer  
Gör som vi gör  
Ta några steg åt vänster

Wolf: _[glaring at Sunda]_ Lyssna och lär  
Missa inte chansen  
Nu är vi här med  
Caramelldansen

Crowley: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa  
Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh

Halt:_ [laughing at Crowley until he, too, is forced to sing]_ Oo-oo-ooa-ooa  
Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh

Mutt:_ [is dragged kicking and singing from where he was hiding behind a large incongruously placed rock]_ Det blir en sensation överallt förstås  
På fester kommer alla att släppa loss

Horace: Kom igen  
Nu tar vi stegen om igen

Murty: Oo-a-oo-a-aoh

George: Make me sing and you die. _[music stops]_

Sunda: ...Fine...but you WILL dance!

George:_ [opens his mouth angrily]_

Sunda:_ [pushes a button on a remote control that appeared out of nowhere]_

George:_ [looks to be ranting and raving, but isn't making a sound]_

Sunda:_ [pleased with herself]_ I knew that button marked "cut-it-out" did something handy. Although...it could have just made him stupid...

George: _[steals Gilan's whiteboard and writes "What-wha-say-who-now?"]_

Sunda: Long story, don't ask. Now back to the SINGING! And the DANCING!

_[everyone does the weird wiggly "dance" as the music comes back]_

Angela: Så rör på era fötter  
Oo-a-a-ah  
Och vicka era höfter  
La la la  
Gör som vi  
Till denna melodi

Izzy: Så kom och

Rowana Renee: _[appears and starts singing/dancing]_ Dansa med oss  
Klappa era händer  
Gör som vi gör  
Ta några steg åt vänster  
Lyssna och lär  
Missa inte chansen  
Nu är vi här med  
Caramelldansen

_[everyone does the weird flappy dance again, then starts clapping in time to the music]_

Sunda: Dansa med oss  
Klappa era händer  
Gör som vi gör  
Ta några steg åt vänster [_everyone stops clapping]_

Rowana:_ [joins with Sunda]_ Lyssna och lär  
Missa inte chansen  
Nu är vi här med  
Caramelldansen

_[and with the dancing again!]_

Halt:Oo-oo-ooa-ooa

Oromis: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh

Wolf: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa

George: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh _[writes on whiteboard "I WILL KILL YOU, DAUTR ABR DU SUNDAVAR!"]_

Sunda/Rowana: _[ignoring George and singing together]_ Så kom och!

Everyone – singing and dancing (including George, who is glaring murderously at Sunda): Dansa med oss  
Klappa era händer  
Gör som vi gör  
Ta några steg åt vänster  
Lyssna och lär  
Missa inte chansen  
Nu är vi här med  
Caramelldansen  
Dansa med oss  
Klappa era händer  
Gör som vi gör  
Ta några steg åt vänster  
Lyssna och lär  
Missa inte chansen  
Nu är vi här med  
Caramelldansen!

_[everyone holds their poses for a second, then quickly un-poses]_

Wolf: _[to Rowana]_ Wait, didn't you poof out triumphantly and dramatically?

Rowana: Yeah, but Sunda asked if I wanted to come back in for this, and I did, so I did. ^;^ _[poofs ouf]_

Sunda: OMGOMGOMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

George: What the-

Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!

Sunda: _[heading off George]_ I'M TURNING BRITISH!

Everyone: -_- or O_O or o_O

Wolf: And this is deserving of that many exclamation points...how?

Sunda: Because it is. ^&^

Murty: Maybe it's because-

Sunda: Shut it, Murty.

Murty: But-

Sunda: Do you want to get into Chadlantis or not?

Murty:_ [shuts it]_

Sunda: Okay, well, I'm already over a thousand words, so..._[snaps her fingers]_

_[a cloud of smoke obscures everything for exactly 2.2 heartbeats, then clears]_

Horace: Wait, how can there be smoke at the bottom of the ocean? And how long is 2.2 heartbeats? Whose heartbeats? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE ILLOGICALNESS IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!

Will:_ [tugs on Horace's sleeve]_ Dude.

Horace: What?

Will: Look around.

Horace: _[complies]_

Everyone who is not a writer or writer's friend: Le gaspy gasp of gaspiness! It's Chadlantis!

George:_ [whispers to Sunda while all the characters are ogling Chadlantis]_ I'm still going to kill you.

Sunda: Whatevs. I don't care.

George: Seriously. I'm gonna kill you, and then I'm gonna reanimate your cold, dead- _[catches Angela looking at him]_ er...neck muscles...and kill you again.

Sunda: Oh, come on. It was only one liiiiiiiiiiitle tiiiiiiny line.

George: AND two renditions of the chorus.

Sunda: But I had to finish with everybody singing. It would've been weak otherwise.

George: But-

Sunda: SHUT IT! Don't make me go crazy American girl on you!

George: O_o _[shuts it]_

Mutt: OMGLOOKIT'STHETEMPLEOFEPICALITY!

Everyone:_ [ignores him]_

Oromis: OMGLOOKIT'STHETEMPLEOFEPICALITY!

Everyone:_ [stares in the direction Oromis is pointing]_

Sunda:_ [claps]_ Yay! That's where we'll find the Talisman of Roxerness! We just have to negotiate deadly traps, find our way through an endless labyrinth, and get past the guardian that has never before let anyone pass alive! WOOHOO! Let's go, people! _[drags everyone toward the Temple of Epicality]_

Angela: Hey, whatever happened to the profanity animals?

Sunda: Good question. Let's have a look before I hand this over to Wolf, shall we?

_[far away, in a mystical field of paper flowers...]_

_[The Profanity Bunny seems to have the upper hand, using his ears as weapons, but then the Profanity Sheep lashes out with a kick that sends the Bunny flying. The Bunny recovers quickly, though, and launches himself at the Sheep with a wild cry. Both animals go spinning through the field, avoiding paper cuts because of their thick fur/wool (whichever the case may be) and sheer dumb luck. The Sheep grabs the Bunny in a sort of half-nelson, but the Bunny uses his ears to his advantage once more by using them to lever out of the hold. He then hops onto the Sheep's back and grabs him in a chokehold.]_

Profanity Bunny: Say it!

Profanity Sheep: Never!

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: Come on, Sheep! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Profanity Sheep:_ [manages to reverse the Bunny's chokehold so that he is more or less sitting on the Bunny]_

Mystical Rabit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: Come on, Bunny! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Profanity Sheep: Wait, weren't you rooting for me a minute ago?

Mystical Rabbit of – you know what? MRofRDandF: Yeah. But I don't care who wins, I just want the RETRIBUTION AND THE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Bob the Panda: Whatever, rabbit. I think it's time to stop, because neither profanity animal can really win. They'll destroy themselves or each other trying, but neither will win.

MRofRDandF: Hey, I didn't know you had a name.

Bob: Yeah, remember? Sunda named me in the author's note of our story?

MRofRDandF: Oh, yeah. I think I was fighting the sheep at the time, though...

Bob: Nah, not yet. But seriously, the sheep needs to get back to the Crossover World, and the bunny needs to get back to...well...wherever he came from.

MRofRDand F:_ [le longsuffering sigh]_ Fine, fiiiiine. You know what, I think I need to go, too.

Bob: There you go.

_[everyone poofs out of the mystical field of paper flowers]_

_[back in the Crossover World, our heroes *koffsniggerkoff* are just about to take the first step onto the grand staircase leading up to the Temple of Epicality]_

MRofRDandF:_ [poofs in]_ Oh, I've waited a long time to say this. DOOOOOOOOOM OOON YOUUUUUUUUUU! _[cackles and poofs out]_

Collective: Greeeeeeeeeaaat...doom...just what we need...

**A/N: Yeah yeah yeah, I know I ran WAY over a thousand words. Consider it making up for the 700-and-change words I wrote for my last segment, and (since that's still a lot) for the pathetically short chapters in the beginning. But it would be a LOT shorter without the Caramelldansen bit – which, by the way, I don't own. The dance everyone does is (obviously, I hope) the actual Caramelldansen. If you haven't seen it, look on YouTube for "Caramelldansen SpeedyCake remix" and you should find it. And yeah, I'm obsessed with Doctor Who (and I HATE Russel T. Davies for the end of season two!). Got a problem with that, punk? *glares at you while putting a sonic screwdriver on "KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLL!" setting***

**(Wolf's A/N) Soon we shall conglomerate unto the earth the form of PART 2!**

**(added onto the site because it was taking too long!)**


End file.
